She nodded, but I knew she wasn’t convinced. And there wasn’t anything anyone could do or say to change that. Anyone in her position would worry, and only time and giving birth to a healthy baby would calm her fears.
A few minutes later, we pulled up in front of a storefront building in the downtown area of Wilmington. The display window was filled with white and light pink flowers, a reminder to those passing by that wedding season was approaching.
“I didn’t realize it was a restored building,” I said.
“Sasha said they were able to negotiate a great price because the seller didn’t want to deal with any of the repairs.” She pointed above the front door. “They actually own the second floor as well. Sasha’s living there.”
I opened the door and held it for Dena. When we went inside, we found a large room filled with light and the colors and scents of beautiful flowers. Julie sat in front of a computer and Sasha sat beside her.
They looked up as the door chime announced our arrival.
“Dena, hey. And, Abby. I wasn’t expecting you.” Julie moved out from behind the counter and gave us hugs.
Sasha stood and came over to where we were. She was shorter than Julie and her dark hair was styled with spikes. A hard wind would have blown her away. She was so thin she looked gaunt.
I held out my hand. “Hey, Sasha.”
“Nice to see you again,” she said, shaking my hand.
“Everything going well?” I asked, and she nodded.
Dena gave Sasha a hug. “Let’s just eat here instead of going out. I’ll order pizza. That’s what I’m craving today.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said. “As long as it’s decent. I haven’t had decent pizza since we left New York.”
“Are you a pizza snob?” Julie asked.
“After living in New York City for years, I’m most definitely a pizza snob,” I answered. “I’m not a snob about most things, but I can’t take bad pizza.”
Dena shook her head. “No worries, my first date with Jeff was at an Italian restaurant and they have wonderful pizza. Trust me.”
“We can go upstairs and eat once it’s delivered,” Sasha said. “It’ll be more comfortable.”
Thirty minutes later, we sat in Sasha’s apartment, eating a delicious lunch. Julie and Dena were as jovial as ever, but Sasha was more withdrawn. I wondered if it was because I was there or if she was still suffering from depression because of what had happened with the bullwhip.
“Everyone going to the play party next weekend?” Julie asked.
Dena had a silly grin on her face. “Yes, your place, right?”
Julie giggled. “My place, I like that.”
“I knew you would,” Dena said. “Jeff and I will be there.”
“I’ll be there,” I said.
“I’m thinking about going.” Sasha spoke with trepidation and all three of us looked at her. “What? I talked with my therapist. I’m not ready to play or anything. Hell, I don’t even want to date. But I think it’s time for me to go to a party.”
“Have you spoken to any senior members about it?” Julie asked.
“Does Dena being here and listening to me count?”
“Probably not,” Julie said with a raised eyebrow to Dena.
“We talked about it briefly when I came by a week or so ago,” Dena said. “But I’ll admit, I didn’t think you’d be interested in attending this soon.”
“What are the concerns about Sasha attending?” I asked.
“The last time she went, she had a panic attack,” Julie said.
Sasha shot a glare at Julie. “That was months ago.”
I couldn’t tear my focus away from the two friends. Since we would be joining the group, I was particularly interested in Julie’s reaction to Sasha mentioning attending. And, I’d admit, I felt a bit like a mother hen, especially toward Julie, what with her being so new to the lifestyle.
Julie walked to where Sasha sat on the couch and knelt before her, taking her hands in hers. “You showed up at my house after, crying, shaking, and told me you were never going back. I sat by your side for weeks with you giving only one-word, yes-or-no answers. I love you like a sister and I finally have you back. I’m scared if you go to the party, the real you will disappear again.”
“The real me won’t return until I reclaim that part of my life.”
“What if going sets you back another three months?”
“What if it doesn’t?” Sasha squeezed Julie’s hands. “Don’t you see, I have to find out. I have to try. I see you and Daniel and how happy you are and I think, That’s due in part to me. I’m the one who urged you to join the group and I’ve watched you grow into a satisfied submissive and find peace with it. So call me jealous or greedy or whatever you want, but I had that once and I want it back. I need it back.”
Silent tears ran down Julie’s cheeks. “Promise me you won’t disappear inside yourself again.”
“I promise.” One lone tear escaped from Sasha’s eye. “If I feel a panic attack coming on, I know what to do. I’m not defenseless.”
Listening to her talk and seeing how she responded to Julie, I believed Sasha was ready. I vividly remembered how it was to long for domination and not have it. It was time for Sasha to return to the group. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to Dena, and she caught the movement and looked my way. I tilted my head toward Julie and Sasha and nodded. Dena smiled and returned the nod. She thought so, too. I would have to give my opinion to Nathaniel.
Julie stood. “Dena, will you talk to Jeff about Sasha attending? I’ll do the same with Daniel. And, Abby, you and Nathaniel will be revising the requirements for inclusion in group?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll talk to him about being sure there are rules in place that will allow Sasha to feel safe when she attends.”
“Thank you,” Sasha whispered.
“I feel like I’ve been out of it the last few weeks,” Dena said. “Is Peter still in the group? Will he be there?”
Sasha cringed at Peter’s name.
Julie sat down at Sasha’s side. “Yes, he’s still in the group. Master Greene hasn’t released him from mentoring yet, and he could come to the party. I don’t know if he will.”