Their marriage was whole again — or at least should have been. Maybe they had been through too much too soon. The light banter was no longer there. They laughed now, but the overall mood was serious. Maybe things would never be the same as they were before the baby.
Fall painted the hills in splashes of orange, red and yellow. There was a chill in the breeze now. While she was out doing chores, she had seen several flocks of geese flying overhead, traveling south in chevron flight. Late September aroused the instinct to prepare the den for winter — so to speak.
Carmen and Alex were gradually repairing their relationship, but something new had raised its ugly head — a dark fear that lingered around the recliner. With each day it seemed to be growing until now she had a feeling of dread when she entered the living room. She avoided the recliner, choosing the window seat instead. There she felt secure — especially when Alex was with her. Finally even that didn't work, so she simply avoided the living room all together. Her phobia didn't go unnoticed by Alex.
"Why don't we ever sit on the window seat any more?" He asked one morning as she was preparing breakfast.
She poked at the egg in the frying pan with a spatula. "I don't know. There's just something about that room. I can't explain it, but it frightens me."
He leaned against the counter and gazed down at her with a troubled expression.
"But I thought the window seat was your favorite place."
"It was — is. Oh, I don't know. It's kind of like when you wake up from a terrible nightmare, and then something happens to remind you of it. Only I don't know what it is that reminds me of what." The egg popped grease and she jumped back.
Alex watched her reflectively for a few moments and then his eyes registered comprehension. Of what?
She met his gaze. "What? You know something."
He took her hand. "You can't keep avoiding the room, Carmen. You're going to have to face it sooner or later. When you're ready to walk through that dark valley, let me know and I'll walk with you. It's no place to be alone."
Dark valley? Walk alone? What was he talking about? She played along with him.
"You sound like you've been there before."
He nodded. "Several times. Only I knew why I was there. You will too, when you get there."
Apparently he thought she should know what he was talking about. She knew well about the darkest hour — she'd been there. What could be worse than what she had already been through? Things were improving now. She sighed.
"You say the strangest things, sometimes."
Alex was unusually quiet through breakfast and she assumed he was thinking about that darkness thing. Finally he broached a subject almost as painful.
"I was talking to one of my customers the other day. She works with social services." He hesitated and spread some jam on his toast. "She was telling me about a little boy ..."
"I don't want to adopt a baby," Carmen interrupted tersely. That gnawing fear had made its way into the dining room and it was lurking around the edges of his conversation.
He went on, undaunted. "I wasn't talking about adoption." He carefully placed the knife across his plate. "He's handicapped." He took a bite of the toast and she was certain he was waiting for a response. He swallowed. "Anyway, she was telling me how much he loved animals — horses in particular. I told her about your ranch idea and she wanted to know if we would consider showing him around sometime."
She breathed a little easier. He was simply being Alex —- trying to help someone who was having a hard time.
"That would be nice. Is he in a wheelchair?"
"No, it isn't that bad. One of his arms is deformed — short. It doesn't stop him from living a normal life, though." He took a sip of his coffee. "I thought it would be nice to have him stay for a couple of weeks."
A couple of weeks? What was he up to? She eyed him suspiciously. "And this little boy — would he happen to have a mother and father?"
He avoided her eyes and his neck darkened.
"Everybody has a mother and father."
"Alive?"
He chopped up his egg. "His mother died and his father doesn't want to be troubled with a handicapped child. He's gone from one foster parent to another. He's seven years old and he's never experienced a normal family situation. I thought maybe a little time here might be good for him."
"Do you think we have a normal family situation going here?" She didn't mean to sound so bitter.
He glanced up sharply and eyed her critically. "Better than most of the places he's been."
Probably a lot better. At least things were better than they had been for the last four months. Still, the idea troubled her. The uneasy feeling about the living room was growing. Who knew how big it was going to get? If the child picked up on her fear, it could cause him worse problems. Of course, if the boy was interested in horses and the ranch, maybe it would be balanced out. More important for the child, though, was the fact that Alex actually wanted him to visit the ranch. A few weeks with Alex could do wonders for the boy.
Alex was watching her reflectively. "It's only two weeks."
Once before he had used that logic, and it had been a prelude to a fiasco. A lot could happen in two weeks. She gnawed at her lower lip and twisted a fork in her eggs. Alex was looking forward to this visit — the boy would enjoy the opportunity. How could she refuse?
She sighed. "All right. Two weeks ... but that's all."
He reached out and tenderly put his hand over hers. "You won't be sorry."
Her heart did a flip-flop and she turned her hand over so that her palm touched his warmly. How could they have drifted apart when they loved each other so much? Now that they were back in sync, would this unexplainable fear wedge itself between them? It couldn't. She wouldn't let it. She would face that fear — ferret it out and destroy it.
Their house guest turned out to be a sandy-haired boy named Jonathan. From the moment Alex brought him home, Carmen knew she was in trouble. There was no need for bonding time. It was as if they had always been a family.
Enormous sky blue eyes gazed back at her hauntingly from a face too thin to be attractive. His left arm looked like it belonged to a three-year old. He walked with a slight limp and his gaunt frame was gangly. Carmen felt drawn to him — not by pity, but by his strength. Far from the timid and self-conscious child she had expected, Jonathan was both confident and demonstrative. He was enough like Alex to be his son.
Jonathan's interest in horses was genuine. In spite of his nearly useless arm, he eagerly helped with the chores. It took him less than a week to work his way into their hearts. Although he was quiet and reserved most of the time, it was soon apparent that he missed little that went on. One morning, while Carmen was cleaning the house, he caught her standing in the living room, confronting the recliner with a questionable amount of courage.
"The chair makes you sad."
She glanced at him. "I used to sit in it all the time."
He glanced around the room. "I like that place over there by the window. Two people can sit there — maybe three."
She smiled down at him. "I'm sure it could seat three very comfortably. Alex and I used to set there together and watch the sunrise."
"You don't like it anymore either?"
"I still like it. I just don't have time now." Even if she could explain, he wouldn't understand the gnawing fear that drove her from their favorite spot. How could he? Even she didn't even understand it.
He eyed her doubtfully. "I'll sit with you, if you're afraid."
How could he know? Had Alex said something? "I'm not afraid," she finally said.
He gazed up at her solemnly. "It's okay to be afraid. Everybody is afraid of something."
She put a hand on his shoulder. "You're a very special young man, you know that?"
He shrugged. "I know. Mom said God made me special."
"You must miss her a lot."
He nodded. "Yes, but she doesn't hurt now."
She was in a lot of pain before she passed away?"
He eyed her thoughtfully and then shrugged again. "She died of cancer. She was pretty — like you." He took her hand and led her to the window seat. "You can sit here for a while. I won't leave you alone."
The moment was too poignant to be amusing. This child had been through so much. How could she let her fears reign when he was so brave? She sat down on the window seat and he crawled up beside her.
For the better part of an hour they gazed down on the scene below and discussed her plans for the dude ranch. Who would have guessed that a seven-year-old would make such a great companion? For a little while, she even forgot about the fear, but as they rose from the window seat, her gaze was drawn back to the chair. Maybe she should give it to someone. She would talk to Alex about it tonight.
"Let's go down to the old house. I need to take some measurements."
"Cool," he responded cheerfully and followed her out the door.
As they walked down the hill, Jonathan made a detour to the Oak tree and she called him back.
"I just wanted to pick some flowers," he said. It's funny how they grow under that tree."
"The hill protects them from the cold wind," she explained briefly. "Let's get to the house now." The sooner they got away from the tree, the better. The flowers should have made her feel cheerful, but they ushered in that dark feeling instead.
Together they slid down the hill on make believe sleighs and waded the creek. They crossed the field, stopping at the pond when Jonathan insisted on watching the wild ducks.
The buffalo and longhorns were nowhere in sight, so there was no need to be concerned about their safety.
The screen door squawked a protest as they entered the old house. A week ago she and Alex had been down to open some windows, but the house still smelled stale. They had decided on putting down a new floor and putting sheet rock over the walls. A crew was supposed to be out in the next week or so to do the work, but she wanted to measure the windows for curtains. Three bedrooms and one bath — not much of a dude ranch, but she intended to rent the house out to small groups. The upstairs bedroom would become an office. The old dairy would be converted into a bunkhouse, adding more room. It wouldn't bring in a fortune, but at least she could feel she was contributing something to the income.
Turning from the window, she spotted Jonathan climbing the stairs. She called to him. "Be careful you don't fall."
He held the banister with his good arm and waved to her with the other. "I'll be careful. I just wanted to go up to that room. It looks cool."
The feeling hit her with such sudden force that her voice rose almost to a frantic level.
"No, don't go up there. Come down here."
He turned, his expression a mixture of annoyance and surprise.
"But I just wanted to look. I won't touch anything."
She battled a wave of panic and felt drained as the feeling abated.
"I'm ready to go back to the house. I need to start supper. Alex can take you down here sometime."
He turned and climbed back down the stairs, obviously disgruntled, but not arguing further.
When they stepped outside, the buffalo were grazing near the pond. If she had been alone, she might have taken a chance crossing the field, but not with Jonathan. Instead they walked up to the road and around to the house.
As they entered the yard, Carmen noticed Lori’s little red sports car. Lori was sitting on the porch swing, a red welt on one cheek. So it had come to this.
"Good afternoon, Lori. Sorry we weren't here when you arrived. We've been down to the old house, taking some measurements."
Lori nodded and struggled off the porch swing, her swollen stomach a reminder that babies were still an option for some people. Carmen looked away and Jonathan climbed up on the porch, lowering himself into the swing.
"I gather Alex isn't home yet. When do you expect him?" Lori asked.
Carmen kept her attention on the horses in the corral. So now they were involving Alex in their troubles. Didn't they think he had enough problems of his own? She sighed.
"He'll be along any time. Why don't you come into the house and have a glass of cold tea."
She glanced at Lori, but Lori’s attention was on a gray truck coming up the drive. Carmen stiffened. How could Lori do this?
"Jonathan," Carmen addressed him firmly. "Why don't you go check on the chickens. Maybe there are some fresh eggs."
Jonathan slid off the swing and took a short cut through the house to the chicken coup. Carmen breathed a sigh. At least he was out of harms way. Now what about Lori?
The truck slid to a stop in the yard, spraying gravel and dust. Josh practically fell out of the truck and staggered toward the porch. He was drunk. This was only the second time she had seen him in that condition — both times since he married Lori.
He stopped and steadied himself, focusing on Carmen first, and then on Lori.
"I figured you'd be here ... looking for Alex." His cold gray eyes shifted to Carmen. "She's always throwing it up to me — how good he is."
Carmen gripped the porch banister and stared down at him silently. She didn't want any part of their fight. Lori had come here looking for Alex. Did she think it would improve their situation?
Jonathan burst through the door and stopped abruptly on the porch, staring at Josh. He sidled over to Carmen and glanced up at Lori. Somehow he knew.
Josh staggered and lunged up the steps.
"Lori, I'm not putting up with this any more. You're coming back with me right now — if I have to carry you."
Lori turned and ran into the house, leaving Carmen and Jonathan to face Josh. Carmen tried to put herself between Josh and Jonathan, but before she realized what he was doing, Jonathan darted between them and pushed Josh. Unstable as he was, it didn't take much to send Josh down the porch steps. He hit the ground with a grunt and rolled over, staring up at Carmen.
"Shorty, you stay out of this or I'll tan your hide the way I should have done years ago."
He scrambled from the ground and staggered toward the steps again, pausing when he heard tires crunch on gravel behind him. He swung around as Alex stepped out of his truck. It didn't take Alex long to size up the situation.
"What's the matter, Josh?"
Josh stared at him. If Alex had reacted aggressively, the situation might have been entirely different, but Alex kept his head. Josh dismissed him, starting for the porch again.
"I came to get my wife."
Alex glanced up at Carmen. "Is Lori here?"
Carmen nodded and glanced at the house.
Alex grimaced. "You stay here Josh. I'll go get her."
"Alex!" Carmen gasped, but he brushed by her. Josh waited at the foot of the stairs, obviously confused by the turn of events.
After a few tense minutes Alex emerged with Lori. Lori was pale and her eyes were swollen and red. She put a porch post between herself and Josh, eyeing him nervously. Surely Alex wasn't going to let him take her.
Alex leaned on the porch rail, addressing Josh in a conversational tone.
"Lori says she's afraid to go back with you. She says you hit her."
Josh jerked his head around and stared at Lori accusingly. "I did not," he denied emphatically.
Lori pointed at the red spot on her cheek. "Then how do you explain this?"
Josh snorted. "You got that when you fell."
Lori glared at him. "I fell when you hit me."
Josh glanced at Alex. "She's lying. She's got it all mixed up."
Alex shrugged. "I wouldn't know."
Josh swung around and started for his truck. "I don't have to take this. I'm going home. If she wants to run away, good riddance."
Alex stepped away from the porch rail. "You're drunk, Josh. You don't need to be driving." His tone was still conversational.
"I'm not drunk." Josh continued toward his truck.
Alex vaulted the porch rail and hit the ground on the run. As Josh climbed into his truck, Alex raised the hood and jerked a wire loose.
Josh jumped out of the truck, leaving the door standing open in his haste.
"You think that's going to stop me? You just wait and see."
Alex backed away from him warily. When Josh leaned over the hood to repair the damage, Alex seized the opportunity. He reached inside the truck and snatched the keys out.
The attention had shifted from Lori to Alex, and Carmen was sure things were going according to plan. But Alex was asking for trouble. Josh could easily overpower him and take the keys away — if that was all he did.
"Give me those." Josh darted for Alex and he threw the keys into the hedge row.
Carmen watched in amazement as Josh backed away from Alex.
"I suppose you think you’re real smart. I've got another set at the house."
Alex shrugged nonchalantly. "Then I suggest you walk down there and get them."
Josh stared down the road doubtfully. No doubt he knew he was being manipulated, but his brain was foggy enough that he wasn't sure what to do about it.
Alex rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, come on in and have some coffee with us. I'll drive you home and find your keys later."
Wonders never ceased. Josh accepted, mumbling that he wasn't drunk, but some coffee sounded good. Lori was keeping a low profile and apparently Josh had forgotten about her.
Carmen sat down on the swing with Jonathan, and Lori turned to watch the drive again. Less than fifteen minutes later, a state trooper car pulled into the yard. Carmen put an arm around Jonathan. Who had called the police — Alex or Lori? Obviously they both knew. She was sure that was why Alex had lured Josh into the house. Josh would be livid. No telling what he would do.
"You stay here," she told Jonathan, and jumped up from the porch swing. She darted into the house with the intention of warning Alex.
"Alex," she called anxiously, but he merely shook his head at her.
Josh was sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee with Alex. The scene couldn't have looked more congenial. She could hear Lori talking to the trooper, and then they came into the house.
Josh stared stupidly at the trooper and then scowled at Alex.
"Why'd you call him?"
Alex shrugged. "It seemed like the thing to do, Josh."
The trooper gave Alex a strange look and then glanced at Lori, who seemed a loss for words. He shook his head and addressed Josh.
"Mr. Reynolds, I've received a complaint that you've been abusing your wife. I'm going to have to take you in."
Josh shoved his coffee cup away, sloshing coffee on the table. He glared at Alex.
"I didn't hit her."
Was it possible that he didn't remember? It wasn't like Josh to lie. But then, it wasn't like Josh to drink, either."
The trooper was amiable. "It isn't my place to decide, sir. You're not going to give me any trouble now, are you?"
Josh stared at him. "There isn’t any law against hitting your wife a little now and then. Sometimes that's the only way you can get them to stop their nagging."
Alex gripped Carmen by the arm. "Come on, sweetheart. This is between them. There's nothing more we can do but give them a little privacy."
They joined Jonathan on the porch and headed for the barn. Alex had an arm around each of them. Carmen shook her head in disbelief.
"I can't believe he said that. How could he think he had the right to beat on Lori?"
"Hit," Alex corrected gently. "And if everyone who hit their spouse landed in jail, we might be rather shocked at the percentage."
Carmen glanced up at him, her face growing warm. She'd be one of them.
"I shouldn't have hit you."
He squeezed her shoulder. "Let's not get into that. The difference in this case is that it is getting to be a pattern — increasing in frequency and violence. It has to be stopped."
She gazed up at him. "Did you call the police?"
He glanced down at Jonathan and covered the boy's eyes. Alex shook his head no and spoke for Jonathan's ears.
"Someone had to do it."
Jonathan pealed Alex's hands off his eyes. "I won't tell. I heard her calling the police before you got here. Do you think he will hit her again if he finds out?"
Alex shrugged. "It’s hard to tell. But it's better for them if he doesn't know she called - as long as he gets the idea she could." He glanced down at Carmen. "I did tell her to go someplace public if he did it again. I didn't mean our house, but she needed help. Judging by what she has told me, I don't think Josh actually intends her any physical harm. He's simply not aware of his strength — especially when he's drunk. He gets a little caught up in the role of head of the household, and becomes a parental figure as well. I'm sure, in his mind; he's merely disciplining her. If nothing else, he could use some counseling."
Carmen stared at him. "But I thought you didn't believe in counseling."
"I never said that. I said sometimes it is useful. Times like this."
"But you told me I didn't need to go ..."
"No, I said I didn't think it would do any good because you didn't want to go. There is a big difference here. Lori is in physical danger — doubly so because she's pregnant."
"I pushed him down the stairs," Jonathan blurted out.
"You what?" Alex stared down at him. "You shouldn't have done that." He shook his head. "I'm surprised he didn't go after you."
"He was so drunk he thought I did it," Carmen supplied. "And I think he was coming after me when you drove up."
"I wouldn't have let him hurt her," Jonathan insisted.
Alex squeezed Jonathan's shoulder. "Honorable, but not too smart. Never antagonize a drunk. Next time you just get out of his way." He glanced down at Carmen. "Both of you."
They walked along in silence for a few moments and then Carmen gazed up at Alex.
"He said he didn't hit her."
Alex shrugged. "Maybe he didn't. Maybe he doesn't believe he did. Who knows? People have a way of shutting out things they aren't ready to deal with yet, or can't accept."