“She won’t hurt, Bee. She’ll be ours. We’ll be a family. I promise I won’t resent her. It’s not even possible. I love her so much.”
“But, you could resent me.”
He eyed me skeptically. “Bee, it’s hard to explain the way I feel. I feel connected, to you and to Georgia, in a way that doesn’t make any of that shit matter anymore. Was I hurt? You better fucking believe it. Do I still have an itchy trigger finger around that son of a bitch? Yes, and that will probably never go away. But, I know I can be good here, with you and her, and that we can find happiness...at least, as much as fucks-ups like us are capable of.”
Could I really believe him this time?
“I was alone, Jake. I was pregnant. I had no one, and your father rescued me from living in the fucking gutter. Because you left. What’s to keep you from doing that again?”
He looked angry and hurt as he approached me. He tilted my chin to meet his gaze. He pecked me on the lips and ripped off his shirt. On the left side of his chest, just below his collarbone, was another new tattoo. It simply read Bee, the letters wrapped in vines. He pressed my hand against the other tattoo with the same design as my necklace. “And what the fuck do you think this stands for?”
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.
He shook his head. “It stands for you.” He pressed his forehead to mine.
Fear and love and regret ran through me, all at the same time.
“I’m just so scared.” I loved him so much I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know where we went from there. “What if it all goes away?”
“You haven’t taken my necklace off in four years. Not only have I tattooed your name on my body, but I’ve killed for you—gladly—and I would do it again, even if you told me right now that you never wanted to see me again. Your bitch of a mother is on my list, too, I’ve got connections at Georgia Penn, could have her bleeding out by next week if that’s what you want.” He took a deep breath. “But, you know what made everything so fucking clear to me? The second I saw Georgia—” He wiped his eyes. “— I knew I would kill for her, too. I don’t care who fucking made her. She’s my goddamned daughter!” He was shouting now. “I thought I knew what love at first sight was, because I fell in love with you the moment I saw your face the night we met. But the way I felt when you held Georgia in your arms and she spoke about her Grandpa Frank was… it was so much more than that. It was everything.”
The strength I’d built up over the past four years fell away. “I’m still scared.”
He held me to his chest. “Me, too,” he admitted. “But, I promise to work hard every damned day to make sure our fears don’t come true.” He kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath and shook off all the doubts I’d been drowning in for four years. “That little girl broke my heart when she called me Daddy. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
My chest swelled. I believed him when he said he loved me and my daughter, because I knew what love looked like. I didn’t know if I should allow myself to hope that Georgia could really have a father after all. I wasn’t convinced that love would be enough.
I wondered how two people so beaten down by the dark reality of their lives could raise another living soul and not fuck it up entirely.
How could broken plus broken ever equal whole?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
SORTING THROUGH WHAT I THOUGHT was the last of the boxes was not my idea of a good time, but it had to be done. I could have smacked Jake when he so thoughtfully reminded me there were still a few boxes over at the apartment. He must have known that I was about to toss the remainder of them into the canal, so he volunteered to go get them for me instead.
We were taking things slow, but I would be lying if I said that Georgia was anything other than completely head over heels in love with him. We’d been functioning like a little family for a week. It was what I’d been dreaming of since Georgia was born, though I never really thought I could have it. I still owed Jake the truth about Owen. It was something I never wanted to relive, even during my darkest days. It was certainly the last thing I wanted to do during the happy ones.
The front door opened and the screen door slammed shut. “That was quick. Just bring them in here, and stack it in the corner. I’ll sort it all out tomorrow. I’ve done so much today, my eyes are starting to cross.” I folded the cardboard from the now empty box I’d been working on. When did I get so much stuff? Jake hadn’t come into the living room yet, and he didn’t answer me. “Jake?” I called out. He didn’t answer. “Babe?”
Instead of his welcome voice answering, a much more menacing one called back. “You’ve never called me babe before. I like the way it sounds.” Owen appeared in the room, shotgun in hand that he’d aimed at my chest. I made a move to run. “Don’t fucking move.”
My mind was racing.
My first thoughts went to Georgia, napping in her bedroom. Please don’t wake up... please.
I had to focus on how to get him out of the house and away from my sleeping child.
“Okay Owen. Let’s just go outside, and we can talk about whatever you want,” I said. I was willing to go anywhere he wanted, as long as it meant getting him away from my baby.
“Not so fast, Miss Abby.” He glanced around the room. “It’s been a while since I’ve been in here. Matter of fact, last time I was here I was having a lovely conversation about you, with your Nan.”
When had he ever been in this house with Nan?
“What the fuck did you do to her?”
“Nothing. I just talked to her.” His face was troubled, like he couldn’t understand why I’d be concerned. “I came to see you that day, but you weren’t here. Your Nan was kind enough to make me some tea. She was so nice to me. She just talked and talked. And somewhere in the middle, she let it slip that the house was in foreclosure. She knew she wouldn’t have anywhere for you two to live but didn’t want to rain on your parade, what with graduation coming up so soon, so she kept it from you. She wasn’t going to be able to take care of you. I couldn’t let that happen.” He smiled, as if he thought I’d be happy to hear all of this. “I watched you every day after your Nan died, looking out for you, protecting you. I even let you stay in that junkyard so you could get a taste of how it felt to sleep among the trash before I came to your rescue. It killed me to do this, but I called social services. I needed you to see how desperate things would be for you without help. From me.”
Owen took a step toward me, his twisted concern turning to anger. “Then, Jake fucking Dunn swooped into town and played the hero. And what did you do, Abby? You jumped right into his apartment and into his fucking bed.”
Owen pressed the barrel of the gun against my chest forcing me to step back with each jab until I was pressed against the wall.
“It should have been me - not him...not fucking Junkyard Jake. We had one night...one amazing night on the beach together.” I almost threw up when he said that. My stomach twisted. “I’ve done what I was supposed to since then, what you told my mother you wanted. I’ve stayed away, no, I’ve been kept away-from you all these years against my fucking will. What happens next? That fucking white trash junkyard dog blows back into town again, right back into your life after years of not giving a shit about you. Now, he’s going to raise my fucking daughter? I don’t fucking think so, Abby.”
My head was spinning. “Why, Owen? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?”
“Hate you?” Owen laughed. It sounded surprised and confused and darkly delighted. “I don’t hate you, Abby. Don’t you get it yet? I fucking love you!” I felt the growl of his voice vibrate though the shotgun barrel pushing into my chest. “I fucking love you. Me. Not him.”
He was so sick, so deranged.
Please stay asleep, Georgia. Please just stay asleep, baby. I sent my silent plea down the hall to where she slept.
Owen took a breath, gaining some composure. His voice evened out. “After all the trouble I went through to get you, you fucking owe me.”
“What trouble did you ever go to for me, Owen?” I spoke quietly, more in hopes of keeping Georgia from coming out of her room than anything. “What did you ever do for me that was truly for me?”
“Everything. I did everything.” He leaned in closer, and I saw in more detail the black circles under his eyes, how unshaven he was. He wasn’t just drunk this time. A powdery white residue clung to the underside of his nose. Owen sniffed, and his right nostril oozed blood. He wiped it on the back of his hand, smearing it onto his cheek. He didn’t flinch when he saw the red streaks of blood. His pupils were dilated, and his head restlessly shook and turned with each word. “I did everything, starting with your Nan.”
Nan...
“Meth labs explode all the time, you know. It wasn’t even that hard to get your Nan to say yes to making a last minute trip to that trailer in the woods. All I had to do was tell her the people living in there were poor and starving and in desperate need of her help. She headed right over with a basket full of shit. I watched her go. She was so determined, like she really was on her way to a rescue.” He laughed. “It was fucking pathetic. She was so goddamned gullible.”