She had been laid down on a threadbare saddle blanket. Banaschar had unstrapped and removed her helm, and rested her head on the worn saddle they’d pulled from the Adjunct’s horse. Off to one side, Fiddler was splintering wood and building a small fire.
Taking a waterskin, the priest soaked a bundle of bandages from the sapper’s kit bag and began tenderly wiping the sweat and grime from Tavore’s brow and those so-plain features. With her eyes closed, he saw the child she had once been – serious, determined, impatient to grow up. But the face was gaunter than it should have been, too old, too worn down. He brushed tendrils of damp, lank hair from her forehead. Then glanced over at Fiddler. ‘Is it just exhaustion, do you— Gods below, Fiddler!’
The man was breaking up his Deck of Dragons, using his knife to split each card. He paused, looked across at the priest. ‘She’s getting a cooked meal.’
Banaschar watched as the sapper fed the splinters into the fire. The paints filled the flames with strange colours. ‘You don’t expect to survive, do you?’
‘Even if I do, I’m done with this. All of it.’
‘You couldn’t retire from soldiering even if you wanted to.’
‘Really? Just watch me.’
‘What will you do? Buy a farm, start growing vegetables?’
‘Gods no. Too much work – never could figure out soldiers saying they’d do that once they buried their swords. Earth grows what it wants to grow – spending the rest of your life fighting it is just another damned war.’
‘Right, then. Get drunk, tell old stories in some foul tavern—’
‘Like you was doing back in Malaz City?’
Banaschar’s smile was wry. ‘I was about to advise against it, Captain. Maybe it sounds good from here – being able to live every moment without purpose, emptied of all pressure. But take it from me, you’d do just as well topping yourself – it’s quicker and probably a lot less miserable.’
Fiddler poured some water into a pot and then set it on the flames. He began dropping shreds of dried meat into it. ‘Nah, nothing so … wasteful. Thought I’d take up fishing.’
‘Never figured you for a man of the seas.’
‘You mean, like, in a boat with lines and nets? Out on the waves and o’er the deeps? No, not that kind of fishing, Priest. Sounds like work to me, and dangerous besides. No, I’ll stay ashore. I’m thinking hobby, not livelihood.’
Glancing down at Tavore’s lined face, Banaschar sighed. ‘We should all live a life of hobbies. Doing only what gives us pleasure, only what rewards us in secret, private ways.’
‘Wise words, Priest. You’re just filled with surprises tonight, aren’t you?’
When Banaschar shot the man a look, he saw his faint grin and the tension eased out from him. He grunted. ‘I went into the priesthood looking for wisdom and only then did I realize I’d gone in precisely the wrong direction.’
‘Piety not all it’s made out to be, then?’
‘Is soldiering, Fiddler?’
The man slowly settled back, stirring with his knife blade. ‘Had a friend once, tried warning an eager little boy away from the soldier’s life.’
‘And did your friend succeed?’
‘Doesn’t matter if he did or didn’t. That’s not the point.’
‘So, what is the point, then?’
‘You can’t steer anyone away from the path they’re going to take. You can show ’em that there’s plenty of other paths – you can do that much – but past that? They’ll go where they go.’
‘Your friend should have scared that boy rigid. That might’ve worked.’
Fiddler shook his head. ‘Can’t feel someone else’s terror, either, Banaschar. We only know terror for what it is when it looks us dead in the eye.’
There was a sigh from Tavore and the priest looked down. ‘You fainted, Adjunct.’
‘The – the sword …’
‘It’s done.’
She struggled to sit up. ‘Then we must leave.’
‘We will, Adjunct,’ Fiddler said. ‘But first, we eat.’
Tavore pushed Banaschar’s hands away and struggled upright. ‘You damned fool – do you know who that sword is summoning?’
‘Aye. Just burned that card, as it happens.’
Banaschar almost felt the Adjunct’s shock, like a jolt of sparks snapping through the air between them.
The priest snorted. ‘You’ve gone and made her speechless, sapper.’