It would hardly be too much to say that the positive wretchedness of

actually witnessing the child's death was doubled in these its imaginary

repetitions on that still more suffering night of waking dreams, when

every solemn note of the cathedral clock, every resolute proclamation

from its fellow in the town hall, every sharp reply from the domestic

timepiece in the Deanery fell on her ears, generally recalling her

at least to full consciousness of her identity and whereabouts, and

dispelling the delusion.

But, then, what comfort was there? Veritably she had caused suffering

and death; she had led to the peril of Fanny's children; she had

covered her mother with shame and grief! Nay, in her exaggerated tone of

feeling, she imagined that distress and poverty might have been entailed

on that beloved mother. Those title deeds--no intelligence. Captain

Keith had taken no notice. Perhaps he heard and believed those degrading

reports! He had soul enough to pity and sympathize with the failure of

extended views of beneficence; he despised the hypocrisy that had made

charity a cloak for a credulous debasing attachment, and to such an

object! He might well avoid her! His sister had always bantered her

on what had seemed too absurd to be rebutted, and, at any rate, this

fainting fit would clench his belief. No doubt he believed it. And if he

did, why should not every one else whose opinion she cared for: Ermine,

her Colonel, even gentle Fanny--no, she would never believe any harm,

she had suffered too much in her cause.

Oh, for simple genuine charity like Fanny's, with eyes clear with

innocence and humility! And now what was before her? should she ever be

allowed to hide her head, or should she be forced again to brave that

many-eyed world? Perhaps the title-deed business would prove utter ruin.

It would have been acceptable to herself, but her mother and sister!

Chastisement! Yes, it was just chastisement for headstrong folly and

conceit. She had heard of bending to the rod and finding it a cross, but

here came the dreadful confusion of unreality, and of the broken habit

of religious meditation except as matter of debate. She did not know

till her time of need how deeply sneers had eaten into her heart. The

only text that would come to her mind was, "And in that day they shall

roar against them like the roaring of the sea; and if one look unto

the land, behold darkness and sorrow, and the light is darkened in

the heavens thereof." Every effort at prayer or at calm recall of old

thoughts still ended in that desolate verse. The first relief to these

miserable dreams was the cool clear morning light, and by-and-by

the early cathedral bells, then Grace's kind greeting made her quite

herself; no longer feverish, but full of lassitude and depression. She

would not listen to Grace's entreaties that she would remain in bed. No

place was so hateful to her, she said, and she came down apparently not

more unwell than had been the case for many days past, so that after

breakfast her mother saw no reason against leaving her on the sofa,

while going out to perform some commissions in the town, attended,

of course, by Grace. Miss Wellwood promised that she should not be

disturbed, and she found that she must have been asleep, for she was

taken by surprise by the opening of the door, and the apologetic face

of the butler, who told her that a gentleman had asked if she would see

him, and presented the card of "Captain Alexander Keith."




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