A chastened face, humbled by suffering when alone, but proud and
unyielding still before others. Mark Carter looking over his past knew
just where he had started down this road of pain, just where he had
made the first mistake, sinned the first sin, chosen pride instead of
humility, the devil instead of God. And to-night Mark Carter sat and
faced the immediate future and saw what was before him. As if a painted
map lay out there on the wall before him, he saw the fire through which
he must pass, and the way it would scorch the faces of those he loved,
and his soul cried out in anguish at the sight. Back, back over his
past life he tramped again and again. Days when he and Lynn and her
father and mother had gone off on little excursions, with a lunch and a
dog and a book, and all the world of nature as their playground. A
little thought, a trifling word that had been spoken, some bit of
beauty at which they looked, an ant they watched struggling with a
crumb too heavy for it, a cluster of golden leaves or the scarlet
berries of the squaw vine among the moss. How the memories made his
heart ache as he thought them out of the past.
And the books they had read aloud, sometimes the minister, sometimes
his wife doing the reading, but always he was counted into the little
circle as if they were a family. He had come to look upon them as his
second father and mother. His own father he had never known.
His eyes sought the bookcase near at hand. There they were, some of
them birthday gifts and Christmases, and he had liked nothing better
than a new book which he always carried over to be read in the company.
Oh, those years! How the books marked their going! Even way back in his
little boyhood! "Hans Brinker or the Silver Skates." He touched its
worn blue back and silver letters scarcely discernible. "The Call of
the Wild." How he had thrilled to the sorrows of that dog! And how many
life lessons had been wrapped up in the creature's experience! How had
he drifted so far away from it all? How could he have done it? No one
had pushed him, he had gone himself. He knew the very moment when after
days of agony he had made the awful decision, scarcely believing
himself that he meant to stick by it; hoping against hope that some
great miracle would come to pass that should change it all and put him
back where he longed to be! How he had prayed and prayed in his
childish faith and agony for the miracle, and--it had not come!
God had gone back on him. He had not kept His promises! And then he had
deliberately given up his faith. He could think back over all the days
and weeks that led up to this. Just after the time when he had been so
happy; had felt that he was growing up, and understanding so many of
the great problems of life. The future looked rosy before him, because
he felt that he was beginning to grasp wisdom and the sweetness of
things. How little he had known of his own foolishness and sinfulness!