‘See, not so bad, right?’ he says still clapping while Callie and Seth jump up and down, laughing.
‘It’s alright.’ I say, but my lips have become traitors and can’t seem to stop grinning like a ridiculous idiot. And as silly as it seems, for the first time in a while, I sit back and momentarily enjoy life without worrying about anything, really.
I end up waiting for Luke after the game with Callie. I wasn’t going to but I guess it’s a thing or something. After every game, Callie waits for Kayden, and I guess now that I’m with Luke and am coming to games, I’m expected to wait for Luke with Callie, at least that’s Greyson’s theory. When I don’t agree at first he threatens me with cupcakes, so I stay behind, but deep down it’s not really about the cupcakes.
Trevor and James tell me that they’re going to go back to the hotel and warm up for a while, that California people were not made for this kind of weather. But they say to have Luke call them when he’s ready and we’ll go out and get something to eat.
‘And you guys can pick the place,’ Trevor says through his chattering, then laughs. ‘Since you weren’t a fan of the restaurant we picked.’
‘Was it that obvious?’ I ask, tucking my hands into my jacket pockets.
Trevor laughs again. ‘It was kind of a dead giveaway when you spat out the water.’ He walks over to the edge of the canopy we’re standing under, heading toward the parking lot.
James doesn’t follow him right away, instead pulling me in for another awkward hug like he did at the airport. ‘It was good to spend time with you,’ he says as I give him a pat on the back, feeling edgy and tense. He pulls away, seeming happy, then waves as he follows after Trevor, shivering the entire way. ‘See you at dinner,’ he calls out.
I wave, then just stand there, under the canopy, staring up at the stars, trying to figure out how I got to this point in my life where people make me cupcakes, make me laugh, give me awkward-as-hell hugs, and invite me to dinner.
I don’t get it.
I really don’t.
But I like it.
My last thought gets to me because I’m accepting it – this life. Which means I’m accepting the possibility that I could lose it. It’s hard to admit this to myself, that I’m taking that chance, something I haven’t done since my parents died.
‘They played a good game, didn’t they?’ Callie says and I startle – I’d almost forgotten she was standing there with me.
I put on smile as I turn to look at her. ‘Yeah, I guess. Although, I really don’t know. Not a football fan. But I’m guessing it’s good because the won.’
She’s leaning against the wall across from the door Luke and Kayden are supposed to be coming out of. The hood of her jacket is pulled over the top of her head and she has a scarf on. ‘Yeah, it was a good game. You should come to the next one with Seth, Greyson, and me.’
I shrug as I recline back against the wall. ‘Maybe.’
‘It gets easier to understand,’ she says. ‘And it makes it more fun.’
I kick the tip of my boot against the ground. I’ve never been good at chatting with girls, and Callie and I don’t have the best history, so I feel a little awkward. ‘You seem to know a lot about it.’
‘My dad’s a high school coach,’ she explains. ‘He was actually Luke and Kayden’s coach when they were in high school.’
‘That’s cool. It must have been fun to watch them play back then.’
She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. It makes me wonder what it was like for her in high school; I wonder if she hated it like I did. ‘So I was thinking that maybe you and I could do some more kickboxing. You seemed to have fun the other day.’
‘Not necessarily fun,’ I say. ‘It was just a little therapeutic.’
She turns to face me. ‘It’s that way for me too, at least it was when I first started it. Now it’s more for fun. I go at least twice a week. Seth usually goes too. You could ride with him.’
I’m not sure about the idea, but don’t just want to throw it away. ‘I’ll think about it,’ I tell her, surprised I actually mean it. It did feel good kicking the shit out of something, even if it was just a bag. I open my mouth to ask her how she got into it, when Jonah Malforten walks up to me and interrupts or conversation.
‘Violet, long time no see.’ He grins his stoned grin as he nudges my boot with his foot. Jonah is a guy I used to deal with and seeing him standing here, near the stadium while I’m talking to Callie, feels like the past is mingling with my present. I find myself not liking it, especially the reminder of my life with Preston.
‘What do you want, Jonah.’ I turn my bitchy attitude on, but this is nothing new to Jonah because back when he knew me, this is how I always was.
‘I think you know what I want.’ He winks at me as he adjust his beanie farther over his head, the stench of pot reeking off of him and his bloodshot eyes full of hope that I’m going to deal to him.
I glance over at Callie, who is looking in the other direction, as if she’s deeply preoccupied by a poster of the upcoming Winter Ball. As far I know, Callie thinks I’m a prostitute, at least that’s what she used to think I was, but maybe she knows the truth now.
‘Look, I don’t do that shit anymore, okay.’ I keep my voice low, but firm. ‘So take your stoned ass to someone else.’
‘You’re mean,’ he says, pouting in a way that I think he thinks is sexy, but is just plain annoying. ‘But you’ve always been mean. Sexy as hell, but mean. No wonder Preston has you doing his dirty work.’
My muscles ravel into frayed knots about to snap. ‘Had me do his dirty work. Past tense. Now get the f**k out of my face.’ When he keeps grinning at me, I give him a little shove. ‘I’m serious, you dipshit. I don’t deal anymore nor do I have any connection with Preston.’
He scratches the back of his neck, seeming lost. ‘Weird … I just saw him and he said to hit you up, that he was dry but that you’d help me out.’
The knots in my muscles wind so tight it hurts and I frantically scan the area around me, searching for his face in the dwindling crowd and the remaining cars still parked in the lot on my right. ‘You saw Preston here?’
He tips his head to the side, still confounded. ‘No … not here. At Garyford’s, down on Elm, earlier today.’
My heart skips a beat but I tell it to settle down – don’t get too excited yet. ‘The bar?’
Jonah nods. ‘Yeah, he’s always down there trying to sell. But today he was just chilling. Said I’d need to find you if I wanted anything … I think he was super drunk or something. Said if I found ya to tell you that he was looking for you.’
Fucking ass**le! God dammit, what the hell is the point of this? To drive me mad. ‘Thanks Jonah.’ I pat his arm then push him toward the exit. ‘It’s been super fun talking to you, but time for you to go.’
‘What about the stuff I need.’ He stumbles over his feet as I push him.
‘Preston lied. I have nothing.’ I retrieve my phone from my pocket and press Detective Stephner’s number. Jonah is mumbling about something as he wanders away and Callie is giving me this worried look. But I disregard them both as I move to the outside of the canopy with the phone against my ear. As soon as Detective Stephner answers, I blurt out everything that just happened.
‘Violet, calm down,’ he says. ‘I can barely understand you.’
I take a breath, realizing I was getting no oxygen in with my words. ‘I just ran into someone who told me that Preston hangs out at Garyford’s on Elm every day. You know the bar where college kids like to hang out.’
‘Okay, I’m on it,’ he says and I can hear him rustling around. ‘But Violet, I want you to go home and wait to hear from me okay? Stay indoors. I don’t want anything happening.’
What the hell does he thinks going to happen that hasn’t already happened? ‘Okay, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, just dinner with Luke and his dad ‘
‘No, stay indoors,’ he says. ‘Promise me, Violet. Just go home and wait this out.’
‘Why does it matter?’
‘Dammit, Violet, just listen for once, okay?’
‘Okay dad,’ I say sarcastically but then realize I’m acting like a brat. ‘Sorry, I promise I’ll stay in.’
‘Good.’ He breathes a breath of relief. Something’s off. He’s acting more worried than he normally does.
‘What aren’t you telling me?’ I ask suspiciously, watching a group of people closely as they walk by. What if Jonah lied and Preston is out there watching me right now?
‘A lot,’ Detective Stephner replies. ‘There’s a lot of stuff I can’t tell you.’
That’s news to me and by the time I hang up, my minds racing with a million different ideas. I shut it down though when Luke finally walks through the doors. He’s wearing jeans and a hoodie, his hair damp, probably because he just showered. At least he smells like he did, the fresh scent of soap surrounding me as he pulls me in for a hug. He does it without so much as a hesitation, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. It’s starting to feel that way for me too.
‘So what did you think?’ he whispers in my ear, still holding onto me.
‘Those were some super tight pants,’ I try to tease, but my voice sounds off pitch.
He pulls back, concern evident all over his face. ‘What’s wrong?’
I look over at Callie who’s smiling at Kayden as he walks out of the door’s Luke just emerged from. ‘Can I tell you in the truck?’
He glances over his shoulder at Callie hugging Kayden and then nods. ‘Okay, yeah, let’s go.’ He moves back, but doesn’t go too far, sliding his arm around my back. ‘Hey guys, we’re going to head out,’ he calls out to Kayden. ‘See ya later.’
Kayden waves, but he’s distracted by Callie, who’s smiling as she tells him something which creates this big goofy grin on his face. I wonder what she thinks about what just happened. I wonder why I care so much.
Luke and I head across the parking lot to the truck in silence, the sounds of our hurried footsteps adding to the tension around us. He’s parked toward the back so it takes a while but finally we reach it. He opens the door for me then once I’m settled in the seat he shuts the door and gets into the driver’s seat. His truck makes this gurgling noise as he starts the engine and then backfires. He curses then tries again, this time pumping the gas. Once it’s on and clearly going to stay running, he cranks the heat and turns to face me.
‘Okay, what the hell has got that look on your face?’ he asks, scooting toward me.
I slip my gloves off and unzip my jacket as what happened barrels out of me. I explain to him how I ran into Jonah and what he told me about Preston. I also tell him how I called Detective Stephner and how he told me to stay in our apartment tonight and how he seemed to be acting strange.
‘I’m sure he just wants to make sure you’re safe.’ Luke reaches for my hand when I’m done telling him and traces the folds in my fingers. ‘It’s what we all want.’
I’m not sure who he means by we, but I don’t ask. ‘Yeah, maybe. But I talked to him earlier today when we were headed to the game and he seemed fine.’
‘He called you today?’ he asks, turning my hand upward and stroking the inside of my wrist. God that feels so good. ‘About what?’
Through all of this, I’d spaced off the conversation the Detective and I had earlier and how I never did come to a conclusion on whether Luke would agree to help Mira. Although being here with him now, his touch bringing me so much calm, I’m starting to wonder why I doubted him to begin with. ‘About the case … and you?’
His fingers pause on my palm. ‘Me?’
I nod. ‘He said he thinks you got a call from the person defending your mother in court.’
He suddenly looks like he’s in pain, his grip on my hands tightening. ‘Yeah, the other day I did.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I ask. ‘When it happened?’
‘Because I was confused … and pissed off.’ He sighs, defeated, as he laces our fingers together. ‘Sorry, that’s no excuse. I should have told you right when it happened.’
I press my lips together, attempting to hold back the words, knowing I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help it and they force their way up. ‘What did you say?’
A pucker forms at his brows. ‘About what?’
‘When they asked you to testify,’ I say. ‘What did you say?’
He looks like I’ve wounded him, his expression mixed with hurt and disappointment. ‘I told them they could go f**k themselves and that she deserves to be behind bars.’ He lets go of my hand and slides away, looking a bit angry. ‘What the hell else would I say, Violet.’
I stare down at my hands because the hurt look in his eyes is too great to endure. ‘I’m sorry I asked, but I needed to hear you say it … I don’t know why. I was pretty sure I knew you’re answer.’
He shakes his head, huffing a breath of frustration as he stares ahead at the window. ‘I would never, ever do that. Not only because it’d be wrong – she deserves to go to prison – but I could never, ever hurt you like that.’ It like he’s fighting to breathe, his solid chest rising and falling heavily with each breath he takes. ‘You have to start trusting me.’