"My hunch was wrong," she heard Charles say.
Ashley didn't dare turn around to confirm he spoke to Jonny. Xander had taught her some thought suppression techniques to use when faced with a mind reader, and she was in no emotional state to control her thoughts. Neither did she have any clue where to go since they were somewhere new.
"I'm going for a quick walk," she called over her shoulder and then struck out towards the private beach without waiting for anyone to respond.
Ashley didn't start to relax until a solid five minutes passed. She stood on the white sand and stared at the ocean, unable to shake the vision of her brother or the choice Valon had given her.
Stop, Ash, stop! Jonny was dangerous for many reasons, and one of them was his ability to strip away her defenses to see what she was thinking if she didn't get hold of herself. He'd been somewhat reserved on that front, compared to what he could have done, but if he grew suspicious, if she gave him a reason to push inside her head …
She clenched her head between her hands. "Stop thinking," she told herself. "Stop feeling!" Emotion had always been her downfall when it came to thought suppression, and the fresh pain of seeing her brother suffer wasn't allowing her the control over her mind she desperately needed.
For the second time, the world felt too real. Too likely to hurt them, and she didn't know how to pretend it wasn't the case so she could rein in her own mind.
"You found nothing."
Oh, god. Not yet. Dropping her hands, Ashley squeezed her eyes closed and willed her thoughts quiet. Her breathing was off. Someone as perceptive as Jonny was going to notice she wasn't quite right.
But she prayed he didn't.
"No," she answered.
"And nothing happened." By the calm note in his voice, he was already suspicious.
"Nothing," she lied. "It's so fucking frustrating. I know he's hurt. I know he's scared. I don't know how to do anything." She reached for the strange knife in her pocket, itching to get the worst part over with, and withdrew it.
She also wasn't able to stomach stabbing Jonny and knowing he wasn't likely to recover this time. She warred with herself internally, furious and worried, unable to justify why she shouldn't hurt Jonny and unable to convince herself it was the right thing to do, either.
In the end, she was too twisted up inside to act before he touched her. Jonny approached from behind and wrapped an arm around her. The crippling combination of knowing she'd always loved him too much and needing him again sent her insides flaming with desire and anticipation. As a teenager, she'd lusted for him. But this … this was something more than hormones. The yearning was deeper, primal, a need she didn't ever think would be met no matter how many nights they spent together.