He brushed the hair off her face softly. ‘You’re a kind girl.’ He sounded very far away.
Suddenly she wanted to say I love you. But she was absolutely sure that she did not have the right to do that. Well, she thought, brave behind her closed eyelids, not yet.
And suddenly she thought— He booked a suite. He may not even want to spend the night in my bed. They say he never stays the night, don’t they? Her eyes flew open in horror and she sat up.
‘What is it?’ said Jay, concerned. ‘Are you hurt? Do you want something? Water?’
‘No—but the couch—the sitting room.’ She was incoherent in her alarm at encroaching on him.
Jay’s face was rigid. He did not touch her.
But he said quietly, ‘No. Sleep with me.’
She searched his face. Were they wrong about his rule against spending the night with his lover? Or was tonight something that broke his rules?
She thought of that blaze of tenderness she had surprised on his face. That had not looked like a man who was keeping his own rules of detachment, either. And he had called her Zoe, my love.
The first time she saw him—the very first time, in his sunset silk shirt—she had thought, This is love at first sight! And laughed at herself. Well, she was way beyond laughter now. She shook her head, dazed.
He misinterpreted the gesture.
He said almost inaudibly, ‘Sleep in my arms. Let me do that for you, at least. For both of us.’
And suddenly Zoe saw how hurt he was. How angry with himself. For a moment her body had felt as if it was splitting apart, but it was not Jay’s fault. He had used all his skill and all his knowledge and it had not been enough. He was raw with self-disgust and she had brought him to it. It was up to her to put it right.
She said, ‘Hold me, Jay.’
His arms closed round her. He carried their locked bodies back among the pillows very carefully.
Her eyes closed tight at once. But she was not asleep, he knew. He did not challenge her. And eventually her breathing slowed, became regular, and he knew she had fallen asleep at last.
But Jay lay there, with her sleeping head against his shoulder, and stared open-eyed into the darkness.
CHAPTER TEN
ZOE woke to the sound of bells. She stretched languorously, not opening her eyes. I feel different, she thought drowsily.
Different and peaceful and somehow proud. And surprised. As if she had won a war that she had been fighting for too long.
I thought I was going to get deeper and deeper into lies for the rest of my life. And now it’s all behind me.
But much, much more important—what was in front of her? The future suddenly looked a lot less predictable. It was exciting.
I slept in the arms of Jay Christopher, who never spends the night. And who called me his love. This is a very surprising day.
Zoe gave a long, long sigh of pure satisfaction. The bells pealed out joyously, celebrating life and victory and morning. A wide schoolgirl grin started behind her eyelids.
‘Too right,’ she told the bells, eyes still closed, savouring the triumph that was her life.
She opened her eyes and sat up, stretching her arms exuberantly above her head.
‘Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Look out world!’
And it was so easy.
Thanks to Jay. She would never have screwed her courage to the sticking point if he hadn’t held her to it. She owed him, big time. She had to tell him. She turned—
That was when she realised that she was alone in the bed.
For a moment she was taken aback. The words had been on the tip of her tongue, all ready to bubble out. But his pillow looked as if it had been pounded to pieces during the night and there was no sign of Jay at all.
‘Oh,’ said Zoe, her mood temporarily flattened.
But then she thought, He’s probably an early riser. Maybe he’s gone out jogging. Or he couldn’t sleep through the bells.
The schoolgirl grin broke out again.
She got up, pulling the hotel’s bathrobe over her nakedness, and padded out to the sitting room.
The floor-to-ceiling windows were flung wide to the brilliant morning. And Jay was standing at one of them, looking out over the canal. No shirt, but he was wearing dark trousers. His hair was rumpled and his feet were bare. Zoe’s heart lurched.