"Perhaps not," said Dr. Lavendar sadly; "but, oh, my child, how you do
believe in hell!"
She stared at him for one broken moment; then flung her arms out on
the table beside her, and dropped her head upon them. Dr. Lavendar did
not speak, There was a long silence, suddenly she turned upon him, her
face quivering; "Yes! I do believe in hell. Because that is what life
is! I've never had any happiness at all. Oh, it seemed so little a
thing to ask--just to be happy Yes, I believe in hell."
Dr. Lavendar waited.
"If I've done what people say isn't right, it was only because I
wanted to be happy; not because I wanted to do wrong. It was because
of Love. You can't understand what that means! But Christ said that
because a woman loved much, much was to be forgiven! Do you remember
that?" she demanded hotly.
"Yes," said Dr, Lavendar; "but do you remember Who it was that she
loved much? She loved Goodness, Mrs. Richie. Have you loved Goodness?"
"Oh, what is the use of talking about it?" she said passionately; "we
won't agree. If it was all to do over again, perhaps I--But life was
so dreadful! If you judge me, remember--"
"I do not judge you."
"--remember that everything has been against me. Everything! From the
very beginning, I never had anything I wanted, I thought I was going
to be happy, but each time I wasn't. Until I had David. And now you
will take him. Oh, what a miserable failure life has been! I wish I
could die. But it seems you can't even die when you want to!"
For a moment she covered her face with her hands. Then she said: "I
suppose I might as well tell you. Mr. Pryor is not--.... After my baby
died, I left my husband. Lloyd loved me, and I went to live with him."
"You went to live with your brother?" Dr. Lavendar repeated perplexed.
"He is not my brother."
There was silence for a full minute. Then Dr. Lavendar said quietly,
"Go on."
She looked at him with hunted eyes. "Now, you will take David away.
Why did you make me tell you?"
"It is better to tell me." He laid his old hand on hers, clenched upon
the table at her side. The room was very still; once a coal fell from
the grate, and once there was the soft brush of rain against the
window, "It's my whole life. I can't tell you my whole life, I didn't even
want to be wicked; all I wanted was to be happy, And so I went to
Lloyd. It didn't seem so very wrong. We didn't hurt anybody. His wife
was dead.--As for Frederick, I have no regrets!" she ended fiercely.