So, what was wrong with me? When had I become completely incapable of being faithful? My inability to properly commit wasn’t in the mermaid genes—I knew this because I’d seen hundreds of loyal, happily bound couples while I’d lived down here, couples who had been together for decades and even centuries.
So if it wasn’t a mermaid thing, then what was it?
What was I turning into?
Wasn’t it bad enough that I’d grown gills and a tail and now swam around the ocean all day? Was I also on my way to becoming a siren, those maids who couldn’t be faithful to any male? Who spent their nights seducing men and then lured them to their deaths?
Just the idea made me shudder.
Which was stupid, because any idiot could tell I didn’t have what it took to be a siren. I mean, I’d never met a siren, but I’d overheard Kona’s brothers talking about them numerous times. They always said the same thing—they’re dark and dangerous and have irresistible voices. Which ruled me out. While I can hold my own in a fight, no one’s ever described me as dangerous before. And my voice … let’s just say it’s far from irresistible.
Then what was wrong with me? I loved Kona. I really did. So why did I suddenly feel so drawn to Mark again? Why, in those moments with him, had I wanted him more than I’d wanted anything, ever?
It just didn’t make sense. And it was dangerous—to me, to my people. Look what had already occurred, and I had let my guard slip for only a second. What would happen if I actually let myself pine after him?
No, I couldn’t do it. I had to stop this, had to stay away from Mark forever. He was part of my old life, a life I couldn’t go back to. Not when the clan needed me so desperately.
“Ouch!” A sharp pain in my tail yanked me forcibly out of my head and back to the present, where the healer had just stuck one of the very long, very thick needles mere centimeters from the stab wound.
“It’s almost done,” he said soothingly. “A couple more seconds and you won’t feel anything.”
He was right, thank God. The lidocaine, or whatever it was he was injecting into me, took effect, and suddenly I felt a whole lot better—at least about him and the shots. As for the Kona/Mark situation, it was going to take a lot more than a shot of anesthetic to make that pain go away.
On the bright side, one look at Zarek holding the needle and special thread they used to keep the saltwater from dissolving the stitches and I was instantly distracted from my other problems.
“You know,” I told Kona as I turned my face into his chest, unable to look, “I think it really sucks that selkies have magic healing powers while mermaids get stuck with regular medicine.”
He stroked a finger over the back of my hand. “I’m sorry, Tempest. If I could, I’d give you my ability to heal. I hate seeing you like this.”
“I know.” I snuggled deeper into his arms, relishing the feel of his hard chest and warm skin. Before he’d arrived, I’d been freezing. But with his arms wrapped around me, the chill didn’t seem so bad. “I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered, running my lips over the only parts of him I could reach—his right shoulder and bicep.
He shuddered a little as he buried his face in my hair. “I was so worried,” he told me. “When I got the message and realized how far away you were, I nearly lost my mind. A wound like that could have easily killed you.”
“I was more concerned about the sharks, to tell you the truth,” I said, trying to make him smile. “I know you say they won’t hurt me, but I ran into one on the way here who looked like he thought I’d make a good lunch.”
“With all the blood you were losing, I’m not surprised.” Kona shook his head. “What were you doing all the way out there, anyway? I thought you were home, training?”
And here was the tricky part, the question I had been dreading. How was I supposed to explain to him that on one of my rare days off, I chose to go to the place I still considered my real home instead of hanging out with him? It barely made sense to me.I couldn’t stand the idea of lying, though, so finally, I just told him. “I was on my way back from La Jolla.”
He stiffened, his arms growing rigid and unyielding around me. He didn’t pull away, which I might have taken as an encouraging sign except for the fact that he kept glancing at my tail, as if gauging how much longer he was stuck sitting with me, so that he didn’t jostle me and mess up Zarek’s stitches when he got up.
“Please don’t be mad,” I told him. “I just wanted to check on my family. I wanted to see Moku, to make sure he was okay.”
Kona’s jaw was rigid. “And is he?”
“I don’t know. I miscalculated the time, so it was late when I got there. Everyone was asleep.”
I was suddenly aware of how deathly quiet the room had gotten. At my confession, the guards had made themselves scarce, while the medical personnel were all trying to look as busy as possible. Which was nowhere near busy enough, considering they were hanging on my every word. But then, that was no surprise. These were selkies, and Kona would someday be their king. Everything about him was news.
It was that realization that made me decide to omit any mention of Mark. The last thing Kona needed was for the entire kingdom to know his girlfriend wasn’t completely over her ex.
“It was a total bust.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going?”
I shot him an incredulous look. Wasn’t that obvious? “I thought you’d try to stop me.”
He looked away, his jaw working furiously. “Tempest, when have I ever tried to stop you from doing anything?”
I didn’t have an answer. Kona had always been incredibly supportive—and tolerant—of me. No matter how whacked out I got.
“I don’t care that you went home. Frankly, I expected you to want to check on your family a lot sooner than this.”
Shock jolted through me and my whole body twitched, which earned me a hiss from Zarek. “Sorry,” I told him.
“It’s your tail. If you don’t mind scarring, neither do I.”
His threat had the desired effect as I froze, resolving not to move my body another inch until he was done. Turning my head back to Kona, I murmured, “I thought I wasn’t supposed to see them.”
“I knew you were going to say something like that,” he told me, his frustration palpable. “But why? You’re not in prison, Tempest. Hailana and I want you to be happy. Whatever you need to do to make this transition work is okay with us. If you want to go home and see your brothers, why would we stop you?”
It sounded so reasonable when he said it like that. But it didn’t feel reasonable, this need I had for the land. For my family. For Mark. It felt illicit, dangerous, like I was skating too close to a line I wasn’t supposed to cross.
But why did I feel it was wrong to wonder about my family? If the vibes I was getting weren’t coming from Kona, where were they coming from? Sure, Hailana was making my life difficult in a lot of different ways, but even she had never hinted that my half-human status was a problem.
A picture of Cecily flashed through my mind. My beautiful, powerful, doomed mother, who had chosen the water over her family many years ago. And who had never looked back.