I wasn’t the only one who felt like I was drowning.
From that day, I quit fighting at school and worked hard to be the best son I could be. I made a pact to never see my mother cry again. But she cried when she told me about the cancer.
That same night I took a walk and someone tried to take my wallet. Beating his ass made me feel better. Somehow that turned into nightly walks, where I’m looking for trouble. The worst part is that I don’t know if I can stop. I’ve come to crave it, the violence, the release of my anger. It’s the only thing that soothes me.
Except for Emma.
She's always so still and perfect, like a sculpture you're not supposed to touch. When she looks at me, something calms inside as if I’m at peace. I feel corny even thinking that so I focus on the road.
Two of my brothers, Gabriel and Zachary, run a bike repair shop in the neighboring city of West Haven. I park my bike out front and send an admiring glance at the Harley Night Rod directly in front of the door. I look up at the sign. G&Z Motors.
This is the place.
The bell over the door tinkles merrily as I enter the shop. The television in the reception area broadcasts some reality show about tattooing. A man straightens behind the counter. He has dark hair like mine. Dark eyes like mine.
“Can I help you?”
The name tag on his breast pocket reads Gabe but I know who he is before he even speaks. I was sure on the way here that this was the right move but now that he’s standing in front of me, I’m not sure what to say.
He stares back at me staring at him for a full minute before he speaks. “You’re one of them, aren’t you?” he says finally.
I don’t need to ask what he means. Tons of things were going through my mind on the way here but it hadn’t occurred to me that he would look like me. But he does. Even more so than Finn.
“Zack! Get out here.” He yells over his shoulder, his deep voice barely carrying over the racket coming from the back of the shop. The noise doesn’t stop.
“Give me a second.” He disappears behind the wall and a few minutes later the noise stops. I wonder what he’s saying to the other one. Zachary. This whole situation is so backwards. I wish briefly that I’d brought Finn with me. Then I realize that I can bring them with me later to meet him. Ambush him at the apartment since he seems so determined not to leave.
Gabe comes back out and another man follows. He looks slightly younger and the sides of his hair are shaved completely bald. There are tattoos running down each side of his skull. He stares back at me, taking in my height and worn T-shirt.
“That had to hurt like a bitch.” I jerk my chin toward the tattoos on his head.
He looks surprised and then shrugs. “Life hurts.”
A full grin takes over my face and I can tell he’s not sure what to make of it. But with that one statement, I know I’ve made the right decision.
“You’re definitely my brother.”
He grunts but the tension bleeds out of his shoulders so he doesn’t look like he’s primed for a wrestling match anymore.
“Is there somewhere we can talk?”
Gabe jerks his head toward the back. “Yeah, in the shop. No customers back here.”
I follow him behind the counter. He’s dressed preppy in slacks and a white collared shirt. Zack is the exact opposite in faded jeans and stained T-shirt. The back of the shop is much cleaner than I was expecting. There’s a car up on rails and a bike in some stage of being dismantled across from where Zack slumps in a metal chair.
“Are you working on this one?” I nod my head at the disassembled bike.
He nods but doesn’t volunteer any additional information. I take a seat in the metal folding chair next to him.
“I’m not here to disrupt your lives or anything. I didn’t even know you existed and I just had to know. Shit, I’m not even sure what I needed to know by coming here. But I wanted to see you.”
Gabe crosses his arms. “Interesting. You felt more for us than our own father did.”
“He didn’t raise you? I thought—“
“You thought he left your mom for ours?” Gabe guesses. “No. Our moms were best friends and he almost broke up their friendship by sleeping with both of them. Neither of them knew what he was up to. He had them both convinced they were his girlfriend and that the other was just jealous. Luckily, they figured it out and they both kicked him to the curb. Not before realizing they were both pregnant though.”
“Wow. That’s pretty fucked up.”
Zack snorts. “Tell me about it.” When he doesn’t look inclined to add anything else to the conversation, I look back to Gabe.
“So, you guys didn’t grow up knowing each other then?”
“No, we did. Once he was out of their lives, our mom’s renewed their friendship and they raised us together. They still joke that raising kids with your best girlfriend is a much better bet than raising them with a man. I honestly can’t disagree. Zack’s mom is like my second mother.”
“This is all so crazy. I don’t understand what he was doing. He ditched my mom when I was eight and Finn was five. Then he only came back briefly once. But now I realize, he must have come back after he’d already been with your moms. He was just a regular P.I.M.P. apparently.”
They snicker and look at each other before turning back to me.
“So, what do you really think old Max is up to?”
An hour later I park my bike in a space at the boardwalk. After spending time with my brothers, I’m in a good mood. There aren’t too many people that I can talk to about my current fucked up situation. However, I’m determined to put it all out of my mind. It’s a beautiful day, cool and crisp. The weather is unseasonably warm and I realize how close to spring we are.