I took a step back and he matched it, after a few silent moments I finally answered him, “I'm sorry Chase, but I can't.”
“No. No, no n–”
“I can't be with you. I love Brandon, I'm sorry.” I whispered.
“Baby don't say that. I will fight for you, I will. Please just give us a shot.”
“A part of me will probably always love you too, but I can't take chances with you Chase. You'll leave me one day, and it will kill me when you do.”
“Wha– No! I wouldn't, I swear I wouldn't.” He reached for me then and I let him hold me.
“You can't stay with any one girl, that's just how you are. And that's fine Chase, it's fine. You're with different girls every night, but when I think about love I think about forever. You can't give me that, so I'm not going to hurt myself by only having you for a short time.”
He lifted my face and stared into my eyes, his were filled with unshed tears and the sight of it almost knocked me off my feet, “I haven't been with anyone but you since you started dating Brandon. I knew then there would never be anyone else like you, and I wasn't going to waste time being with someone else.”
I wanted to believe it, and truthfully I did. He was never with girls anymore, but that didn't change anything. Chase had left me again. No matter what he said, he would always leave me. I gently kissed the corner of his mouth and stepped out of his arms, “I love you Chase.”
“Baby please, don't do this!”
“I have to, I'm sorry.”
He held onto my hand, “Why? Why can't you be with me?”
I didn't answer. I'd already told him everything there was to know about why I couldn't let myself be hurt by him.
“Are you sleeping with him too, Harper?”
“Why does that matter?”
“Please,” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “just tell me if you are sleeping with him.”
I wanted to tell him it wasn't his business, but of course that didn't come out, “I've only been with you.” He let go of my hand then and I made it half way up the drive before it hit me. Oh. My. Word. My eyes went wide and I sucked in a startled gasp. Oh God, oh no.
“What? What's wrong?”
“I have to go.” I almost shouted as I ran for the house.
This couldn't be happening. I took the stairs two at a time and rushed into Bree's room searching frantically for my phone. I ignored the text from Brandon and pulled up the calendar. She hadn't been lying, I was supposed to start in a week and a half. I flipped back to last month and saw I never put in when I'd started, because I hadn't. There on the calendar were the ovulation days, and smack dab in the middle were the two days I'd been with Chase. I shut off my phone and cursed when Bree came into the room.
“Are you okay? What did he say to you? I swear he's such an ass!”
“No-nothing. It's not him, I just feel kind of dizzy again.”
“Well what did he want, he left after you came flying in here like a bat outta hell.”
Think Harper, think. “Um, he was just...asking about a tattoo Brandon wants.”
She stood there staring at me for a minute, she didn't believe me and I didn't blame her. “Is there anything I can get you?”
“I just need to go to sleep.” And freak out for a while without your knowing eyes on me.
We decided not to go back to the dorm tonight, and got ready for bed there. I buried my face in the pillow and chanted over and over again that I was wrong, this wasn't happening, it was just a dream.
Waking up the next morning, I jumped out of bed and hummed to myself while I was in the shower. I had just been stressing last night, and forgetting about my period from the previous month. I would have freaked out when I originally missed it, and I hadn't so I was just making it seem like I could be – nope not even gonna say the word. Bree said she was going to start breakfast, and after I got dressed I skipped down to meet her.
“You look like you feel better.” She grinned while she poured the egg yolks into the skillet.
“I do! I don't know what was wrong with me last night. Probably just too much junk food.”
She grunted, “That's an understatement. I've never seen you eat that much.”
I laughed but stopped abruptly. What in the world? “What is that smell?”
Bree stepped away from the stove and took a few hesitant sniffs. “I don't smell anything but the eggs.”
“Ugh, are they bad?” I opened the fridge and looked at the date on the carton. They still had a week and Bree and I had picked them up just yesterday for Mom. I shut the door and walked to the cabinet to get a glass. When I stepped behind Bree I was assaulted again by the smell of the eggs. I barely made it to the kitchen sink before throwing up everything from the night before. Aw hell.
Bree held my hair back and got me a glass of water when I finished. When I finally looked up at her I was surprised to see her pissed off. Her mouth was mashed into a straight line, arms folded over her chest, an eyebrow raised. She wasn't stupid, she'd put it together.
“Are you kidding me?” She screeched, “You didn't even tell me you'd had sex with him!”
I started shaking and fat tears were falling down my face, “This can't be happening.” I sobbed and slid to the ground, “I'm just sick, right? This isn't happening!”
She sat on the ground in front of me and pulled me into a hug. “Shh, it will be okay.” She rubbed her hands over my back in comfort, “Have you taken a test Harper?”
“No, no I can't,” I sobbed, “I can't be.”
Heaving a sigh, she stood up and pulled me with her. “Well then maybe you're not.” Her sad smile told me she didn't believe that for a second, “But we're going to find out. Come on,” she grabbed two large water bottles out of the fridge and handed them to me. “Start drinking these, I'll drive.”
We didn't say anything the entire drive to the drug store. When she pulled into a parking spot I just shook my head and handed her my card. Five minutes later she came out with a bag full of boxes and handed them to me. I stared at the bag, and after a minute started reading directions.
“You knew Bree, didn't you.”
She sighed and grabbed my hand, “I figured.”
“How?”
“A lot of things. You've been eating a ton, last night wasn't your first dizzy spell. You get out of breath when we walk to class, and you refused to leave Brandon's side when I was having our week of hell last month. I kept thinking it, but every time I brought up sex, you told me you still weren't ready. And then today...well it was just the final piece of the puzzle.”
I didn't say anything else, just continued to down the water and try to stop my entire body from shaking. When we got back to Mom and Dad's she waited in the bedroom while I used a stick out of each of the four boxes. If I was going to find out, I wanted to be sure. Bree held me while I bawled my eyes out later from the results. There had been a smiley face, a 'Yes', a plus sign and a 'Pregnant'.
“What am I going to do?” I pulled the comforter over my head and curled myself into a tight ball.
Pulling back the comforter, my amazing friend held my chin until I looked at her, tears streaming down her own face. “We're going to tell Mom,” I started to refuse that but she continued, “I promise she won't be mad at you, she'll just be sad for you. You know she got pregnant with Chase when she was seventeen?”
I shook my head, they looked young, but I hadn't known that.
“Well she did, she'll understand Harper. She can make an appointment for you and after that, you'll have to figure out a way to tell Brandon.” She sighed and ran her fingers through my hair, “He's a good guy, he'll take care of you.”
A new round of sobs shook my body, “I cant. Tell Brandon. He's not. He's not. Bree I didn't. Didn't lie to you.”
She waited until I had quieted down and my breathing had returned to normal, “What do you mean?”
“I didn't lie to you Bree, I never had sex with Brandon.”
“You cheated on Brandon?” She gasped, “With who?”
“I can't. You'll kill me Bree.”
She scrambled off the bed and stared at me in horror, “You slept with my BOYFRIEND?!”
Oh crap, “No! No I swear I didn't! I would never do that to you Bree, I don't like Konrad like that at all. Oh my God, how could you even think that?”
Huffing, she grabbed her chest and forced herself to sit back down, “Well there's no other reason I would hate you enough to kill you. I'm sorry I thought that.”
“Don't, don't be sorry for anything. I did this, I created the mess. Bree I never meant to hurt Brandon, I swear. I love him, I really do.”
“But?” She prompted.
“I love someone else too. He's begged me to leave Brandon, but I couldn't.” I choked on the last words.
“How could you not tell me about this? How could I not know…you're always with Brandon, I don't get it.” She started, “Wait. You're always with Brandon, when did this even happen?”
“The night you all went to LA.” I replied softly.
“You weren't sick?” She was mad I'd lied to her again.
“No, I just wanted to mope over him alone, and then he was there.”
“Where?”
“Here.”
“At the house? You invited him here?”
“No Bree, I didn't invite him over.” I watched her confused face, and after a few minutes I could practically see the light bulb click on.
“Oh shit.” She breathed. “You and Chase?”
I didn't respond, I just waited for her to start screaming, but it never happened.