I slam the clock off and I stare down at the keys that had dug grooves in my hand. Fuck it all, I never turned on the car last night. The entire torture was just a dream.
Unable to take the car anymore, I stumble out and let the sharp cold air hit my lungs. Leaning against the front of the Escalade, I try to rub the cobwebs out of my head.
Dad was right to throw me out. I’m a worthless piece of shit that let my sister down. I failed her. I failed her so badly that she saw the writing on the wall. She knew her entire world was falling apart and she knew exactly where to rightfully place the blame—on me.
Chapter 23
Haley
With my hands shoved in my jeans pockets and my nose buried in the collar of my father’s old army sweatshirt, I run to keep up with Jax and Kaden. They were pissed to find me at the neighborhood bus stop this morning at four and their mood hasn’t lightened as the three of us walk-run the two blocks from our bus stop to the gym. The bus ran late and John hates tardiness.
The moment we step inside, Jax and Kaden bolt for the locker room and I survey the space, searching for John. Only the completely dedicated and insane show this early and they are currently in the middle of a three-minute rope jumping set. The bell on the timer rings and all of them drop to the ground and begin push-ups. Five more of those bad boy combos to go until they start the sit-ups.
“I’m not giving you a letter.” John sits behind a small metal desk in his cramped and disorganized office, banging on a laptop.
I rest a hip against the doorframe, seeking courage. I’ve got to be tough on this. Make him think I’m in control. “That’s not why I’m here. I want you to train someone.”
John’s eyes snap to mine and his fingers freeze. “What do I get out of it?”
“An awesome fighter.” West did take down Conner’s little friend and bruised the hell out of Conner’s face. It’s definitely arguable that West has raw talent.
“Can he pay?”
My face tightens as I try to smile. “Probably not, but I heard you’re looking for a volunteer to clean the gym and I’m sure he’ll do it.”
“Not enough. What else do you got?”
“I’ll return to the gym and train.” Swallowing prevents dry heaves, but the tingling in my head indicates I probably went green. Just the thought of fighting makes me ill.
John pulls on his bottom ear as if that will help him correctly hear what I uttered. When he accepts that hell hasn’t invested in snow-removal trucks and that pigs haven’t taken to air, he speaks. “Sit down.”
With my foot, I push a boxful of paperwork to the side and drop into the seat across from my grandfather. He resumes his angry typing and ignores me. On the filing cabinet behind him is a picture of me and him after my last fight. He has his arm around me and both of us hold up an end of the belt I won. I barely remember what that type of smile feels like on my face.
Since there was a lack of female kickboxers in the area, I trained with the guys in the gym and we had to travel to find tournaments for me, which meant a ton of one-on-one time with my grandfather. The two of us were close, very close. Now we’re as far apart as strangers.
John clicks the mouse. “What’s this about?”
I weigh whose truth I should tell. “I’ve got a friend who’s going to be in a fight in two months and he needs someone to train him.”
John’s seat squeaks as he relaxes back and links his fingers together across his stomach. The smirk informs me I’m in trouble, but it’s the chuckle that grates against my nerves. “Are we talking about your new boyfriend that jumped Conner?”
I officially hate Jax and Kaden. “Yes.”
He chuckles again and the smile fades. “Fight for me, Haley.”
I’m shaking my head before the final word leaves his mouth. “No.”
“I want more than you gracing us with your presence in my gym. You remain the best talent I’ve seen in years—”
I interrupt, “You have Kaden and Jax.”
“In years,” he repeats. “And you threw it away. You want that college scholarship? You’ll get more than a recommendation from me. You’ll have current titles. What more do you need?”
“No.”
“Haley...” John runs his hands through his gray-and-white-peppered hair.
“No!”
“At least tell me why! Tell me the truth. Tell me why you walked away.”
I lean forward with the urge to bolt from the cramped office. My breathing picks up and I rub the sweat off my palms onto my jeans. “Because.”
“Dammit.” Both of his hands land on his desk and I jump with the impact. “What the hell happened to you?”
My pulse pounds in my ears. Did Jax and Kaden snitch about the night they found me in the garage? I wipe my palms against my jeans again, except this time I’m not attempting to expel sweat but the memory of the blood that caked my hands. “I’ll train here again, but no sparring. I can’t spar, okay? It’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”
It’s silent as he stares at me. I try to count my heartbeats, but it’s next to impossible.
“Then we’ve got nothing to discuss.” John pretends he’s in his office alone and writes on a piece of paper.
“He needs help.” I need help, but I can’t admit it. There’s always been a part of me that has craved to rest my head on my father’s or grandfather’s shoulders and tell them the truth, but then they’d see me for who I am and how can that help? They already hate who they believe me to be. No reason to make them despise me more.