And, of course, Cidra had been told all about sex by her parents and teachers. They had explained it to her, just as the principles of poetic kinetics and programming theory had been explained. What no one had succeeded in conveying was the sense of anticipation and excitement. No one had told her how her body would grow warm and languid or that there would be a small, curling flame in the pit of her stomach. She shivered, and Severance was immediately aware of it.
“You’re a woman under that Harmonic garb, aren’t you? A real woman.” Severance’s voice was husky and textured against her mouth. “Cidra, I need a woman.”
Cidra could feel that the tension in Severance was not abating. Rather, she realized that it was being channeled into the physical contact with her. His palm moved on her thigh, exploring the shape of her through the delicate fabric of her gown. She could feel the heat of Severance’s body reaching out to envelop her. His fingers tightened on her shoulder as he began lo probe her mouth with his tongue. She tasted the ale he had been drinking.
Cidra resisted the intrusion, needing time to adjust to the whirl of new sensations. Severance groaned deep within his chest. His hand under her shoulders shifted, moving upward to capture her head and hold her still.
“Just let me have what I need tonight. I’ve been going out of my mind. Should have known better. Too damned much thinking. Eats a man’s soul for breakfast.”
The sense of compassion that made her climb out of the’ bunk and come to him washed over Cidra again in full force. Severance needed her. She had never really been needed by anyone in her entire life. Harmonics needed each other but not in this primitive, fundamental, physical manner. Human need in Clementia was on a higher plane, a matter of deep understanding, friendship, and intellectual communion. Cidra had never been able to offer the telepathic contact that enabled such need between two Harmonics to exist and be satisfied. But Severance was asking her to fulfill another kind of need. The concept was strange and infinitely compelling.
Cidra’s hands were still braced against his shoulders. Instead of pushing away from him she began to relax. He felt the change in her and deepened the kiss. Without conscious thought her gilded nails flexed, sinking into the fabric of his shirt and then into the sleekly muscled skin underneath the shirt. When he groaned her name, she shivered again.
She felt him tasting her, sampling her as if she were a new glass of Rose ale. He was moving inside her, touching her tongue with his own, and as she became accustomed to the odd caress, she found herself compelled to explore him in return. The desire was suddenly fierce, and she lifted her palms to frame his hard face. Cidra felt him suck in his breath, and she felt his body tremble with yet more tension.
She probed cautiously, wonderingly. The unique intimacy was delicious but also vaguely alarming. His ready response was a lure she hadn’t expected, and it would have been difficult to deny even if she had been thinking of resisting it. She wanted this man to react to her, wanted him to respond with greater and greater need.
His arm moved again, fingers gliding down along her side. She froze for an instant when he touched her breast.
“It’s all right, Cidra. You feel so good. So soft and strong and delicate. I like the feel of you.”
The pad of his thumb moved lazily over her nipple. The gossamer material of her robe offered only a slight barrier. The sensation was tantalizing, and her body reacted to it with a curious tightening. Cidra stirred, suddenly wanting to feel more of him. As if he could read her mind, Severance cupped her breast completely.
As if he could read her mind. But, of course, he couldn’t. No more than she could read his. The sensation of emotion and mental closeness was an illusion. This wasn’t the physical extension of an intellectual and emotional communion. This wasn’t love the way it existed between Harmonics. This was Wolf sex.
The stray thought cut through Cidra’s spinning mind, bringing a note of uneasiness into what had been until now a rising, focused crescendo of emotion. “No…”
Severance must have felt the flash of uncertainty. He held her tighter, his hand on her breast becoming possessive instead of tantalizing. He broke the contact with her mouth to mutter urgently against her throat, “Be still, Cidra. Don’t panic, my sweet Harmonic. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know.” And she did. The sense of certainty came from within herself. His hand moved gently, coaxingly, on her breast, and then his fingers were sliding inside the surplice, seeking a budding nipple. She was suddenly aware of the straining manhood beneath her thighs and inhaled sharply. Slowly he withdrew his hand from under her clothing and slipped his palm down across her stomach. His fingers rested warmly on her robe, just above the gentle mound.
“I only want to hold you, touch you. It’s been a long night. Too many long nights.”
Too many long nights spent thinking about his brother? Cidra wondered as tenderness filled her. “I understand,” she whispered, stroking her Fingertips through the thickness of his hair. “It’s all right, Severance. I understand. But I don’t think this will buy you the peace of mind you seek,” she added sadly. His hand stopped moving on her body, and he went still. Slowly Severance raised his head to look down at her. “I’m willing to give it a try. I could use a little peace of mind.”
“I know,” she said gently. “I can feel the need in you. But you’re going about it the wrong way.”
His eyes were narrowed and gleaming now. “Am I?” She nodded, smiling tremulously. A part of her wanted to keep quiet and let him take what he thought he needed from her. But that was selfish and dangerous, and it wouldn’t give her what she had dreamed of all these years, either. Neither of them would obtain any real serenity.
“You need to talk to a skilled therapist. Someone who has been trained to work with people who have experienced your kind of loss. There are many such doctors, both Harmonic and Wolf, who could help you. You could talk to them, discuss your feelings about your brother. Having sex with me tonight would only buy you a temporary respite.”
He stared at her and then swore softly. “Sweet Harmony in hell! I don’t believe this. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Dumb as a torla.”
She stiffened under the insult. “Now I’ve made you angry.”
“Well, you sure as a renegade’s hell have managed to kill the mood. You thought I needed a little special handling tonight to help me forget Jeude?”