Austin sighed and closed his eyes, and I felt a huge dose of embarrassment prickle over my skin. But he surprised me when he cupped my face and forced me to look at him… to really look at him.
“Pix, I know you’ve never done this before. I know I was your first kiss… your first anything with a guy. And f**k, I know I ain’t worthy of any of it.”
Austin ran his thumb up and down my cheek, and as always, with a gentleness you wouldn’t expect from such a huge guy, he whispered, “But if you’re wanting to be with me… really be with me, like I wanna be with you, I’m not gonna do jack shit to hurt you. I’m not gonna touch you where you don’t wanna be touched. I’m not gonna make you take off your clothes if it’s something you can’t do with me yet.” Austin pressed his forehead against mine and promised, “If you’re not ready to sleep with me, or do anything at all, I’m not gonna be offended. You just gotta tell me where you’re at right now, ’cause if this isn’t going nowhere, I’m gonna have to stop… It’s kinda painful for me at the minute…” He dropped his head to the crook of my neck. I could feel him panting aggressively with the strain.
As I ran my hands up and down his back, I tried to push aside my insecurities. I wanted this so badly. I wanted to be with Austin so badly. For tonight, I wanted to not be Lexington Hart, freak and anorexic. I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be the girl who was falling hopelessly in love with this boy who knew my biggest secret… this boy who could be arguably as broken as me… this boy who claimed he needed me as much as I needed him. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be loved for just plain ol’ normal me.
“Austin,” I whispered, staring at the reflected flames dancing on the wooden ceiling. He nodded his head against my neck to let me know he was listening, and I ran my hand through his hair. “Make love to me.”
Austin’s muscles tensed.
“Lexi…” He trailed off.
As I gripped his hair, I pushed, “Austin, make love to me. Just… be gentle… There’s a chance I might break…”
Soft lips began drifting up my neck, and I felt the touch all the way to my bones. As Austin reached my cheek, I ran my hands down to his back and held on to his bare shoulder blades.
“Are you sure?” Austin whispered as he passed my ear. I nodded, unable to speak through the intensity of the moment, and I heard his long sigh of release.
Austin’s head rose and he looked into my eyes. All I saw was adoration—complete and unconditional adoration. “You tell me if I do anything wrong, okay? We’ll do this however you need.”
Taking a deep breath, I whispered, “Please don’t touch my back. I can’t let you touch my back. It’s still a no-go for me.”
Austin tipped his head and brushed a kiss to my neck, combing my hair back from my face. “I wouldn’t have done that to you anyway. I remember everything you’ve ever said.”
My eyes closed as Austin’s hand drifted around the outside of my breast, and my feet curled at the foreign sensation sweeping between my legs. “And I can’t take off my dress either… Please just… try and work around it… I’m not ready to bare myself completely to you yet.”
Austin began to shift off me. “Lexi, if you don’t—”
I cupped his face, halting him in his tracks. “No! Please, I want this so much. We just have to approach it differently than you have with other girls.”
Austin stared at me in conflicted contemplation for several bated seconds but eventually closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. “Okay,” he said, and his eyes snapped open.
Austin balanced on one hand and began his exploration of my br**sts, lowering his head to suck and pull on the skin below my dress.
My hands held his head in a vise, and I couldn’t stop the moans of pleasure ripping from my mouth.
“I wanna taste you,” Austin murmured and lifted his hand to hook his fingers under my dress straps. Looking up at me through his black lashes, he raised his eyebrow, asking for permission.
My pulse was thundering, but uncovering my br**sts didn’t fill me with dread, as I feared. They were an average B-cup and had never been an area of concern. I wanted to show at least that much of myself to him.
“Please…” I moaned. “Take it down slowly. But let me stay on my back… I can’t let you see my back…”
Austin groaned and, doing as I asked, slowly pulled down my straps until my black T-shirt bra came into view. Austin’s almond-shaped eyes flared and he proceeded to undo the front clasp of the small, wired cups, until my pale br**sts slid into view, my ni**les erect as if reaching for the touch of his mouth.