“My mom is going to kill me,” I groaned.
“And Jupiter won’t exactly be pleased,” he chuckled.
I buried my face in Seth’s chest at the thought of having to walk out of this room and face Jupiter this early in the morning. Awesome….
“But I needed you, Stella,” he whispered.
I lifted my face to meet his golden gaze again. “I know.”
He stared down at me for several moments before he whispered, “I think I’ll always need you.”
My heart stuttered in my chest and I didn’t really know how to respond to that. So I tucked my face back against his heart and let the steady rising and falling of his chest soothe my tattered nerves. That was a lot to wake up to.
He sighed, but tugged me impossibly closer for just a moment before releasing me completely. With quick, swift movements he was out of the bed and yanking on sweatpants over his boxers. He took his delicious heat with him and I felt the coldness as it seeped into my very bones.
But I got up too, knowing I was the one forcing us to keep our distance.
“Last night… I mean, you haven’t woken me up in at least three weeks. Are you…. is everything alright?” I crossed my arms and watched as he tugged a white t-shirt over his head.
His naturally highlighted mess of hair popped through the top before his perfect face appeared. His eyes were darker than usual and his jaw had a muscle popping in and out.
“I’m fine, Stella,” he almost growled out. “I don’t know why those wake you up. I can’t even remember my dreams.”
“Nightmares,” I countered.
“I can’t even remember my nightmares.”
A heavy silence fell between us; the force of it laid on guilt like a physical weight. There were so many things I was doing wrong these days. So many things I didn’t even want to face, let alone deal with. Like I was capable of handling the pressure and consequences. I was sixteen.
Still, I promised Seth, “I know I’ve put this…. distance between us, but Seth, if you ever just want to talk to me, I’m here for you.”
His steely mask cracked just a little and he looked up at me with some of his old warmth, “I know, Stel.”
Some of the pressure eased off my heart and I bent over to slip my shoes back on- they had come off sometime in the night. Seth tossed one of his sweatshirts to me and I just barely caught it. Sometimes it was astonishing I was able to handle a sword.
“I don’t need this,” I shrugged. “But thanks.”
Seth’s gaze flickered over my chest and minimal tank top and he cleared his throat a little nervously before he said, Trust me, you need it.”
I scrambled into the huge piece of clothing, secretly relishing the warmth and feel of it as it draped my body. It had to be relatively new, because it was so soft on the inside. I wanted to rub my face against the cotton, and it still smelled like Seth- like wind, and fresh snow and something entirely foreign, but familiar to me at the same time. The sleeves covered my hands completely but I kept them like that, afraid if I pulled them out I would lose the warmth that came with something that belonged to Seth.
“Thank you.”
He smiled then, big and toothy and I was so thrilled we’d found our naturalness again. I hated the in between fighting that came whenever I pushed him away or he asked too much of me too soon.
“I’ll call you later, alright.”
“Alright,” I agreed and then left him alone in his bedroom.
I passed Jupiter on the way out of the house. He barely lifted his eyes from his coffee and paper to acknowledge me.
“Thanks for not breaking down my door,” he grunted. And then he went back to his paper. That was his only comment. No reprimand? No scolding? His blasé attitude was strange.
But even stranger was arriving home and greeting my parents who were both wearing sleepy smiles. They were both sitting over steaming cups of coffee too and seemed to be in quiet conversation.
“I’m sorry,” I said immediately on impulse- in case this was a trap.
“For what?” My dad looked at me, his piercing blue eyes seeming to see all the way through me.
“For….” I was kind of at a loss. Last time I’d slept all the way through the night with a boy I had been in huge trouble. A few months ago they had been pissed that Tristan had snuck in my bedroom window and we’d fallen asleep. Now they were just shrugging it off? After I walked in the door at dawn? Had they been body snatched??? “For staying the night with Seth. We accidentally fell asleep and-“
“It’s alright, babe,” my mom cut me off with a tender smile. “You told us where you were going last night.”
“But…. but… but you were so mad when Tristan spent the night!” Was I trying to get myself in trouble?
My parents shared a look and then my dad said with one eyebrow raised, “We were angry when Tristan spent the night in our house, without our permission or knowledge.” And that was the tone I was expecting from the beginning. His next words shocked me though, “But Seth isn’t Tristan, Stella. You of all people should know that.”
My mouth unhinged; I shook my head at them. “I’m going back to bed,” I declared. “When I wake up, please try to be back to normal.”
They chuckled at my retreating back. And my mom said, “We’ll try.”
Chapter Four
“What are you doing after practice tonight?” Piper asked in an excited voice from her locker next to mine.
“Why?” I pulled out the books for my next two classes and stuffed them into my backpack. I was supposed to train tonight with Jupiter and Seth, but I would take any excuse to get out of it. Jupiter wanted me to work with alternative weapons and it was my worst nightmare. I didn’t want to imagine bludgeoning an enemy until the head fell off, let alone experience it- even if they were a Fallen.
“Lincoln’s parents are gone again, and we were thinking about having a very low key get together.”
Piper and Lincoln had been officially together for a few months now. They were the cutest, most confusing couple I had ever seen. Where it was clear that Piper wore the pants in the relationship, she seemed to treat Lincoln with a mixture of neglect and tough love. I adored my best friend, but she was too independent for her own good.
“I don’t know if I can, it’s only Thursday,” I shrugged. “Why can’t he have it tomorrow night?”
“Rigley wants to have a proper party tomorrow night,” she explained. “This would just be couples- you and Seth, Rigley and Tristan.”
I snickered. “Seth and I aren’t a couple.”
“Whatever, Stella,” she groaned. “You need to be, so I’m going to refer to you as one until you are. It’s easier that way.”
“For who? You or me?”
“Me, obviously.”
“You do what you need to do, Babe, I’m just saying, it’s probably not going to happen for a while.” Nine more years, in fact. Well, if I had anything to say about it.
She let out another groan and then linked arms with me so we could walk to class- slowly. There was only a month left before school was out and we were definitely feeling spring fever. Generally speaking, we were a school filled with farm kids. Either we were direct products of living on acres of fields and crops, or extended family living nearby with enough work to keep us busy through the summer and fall harvest. Occasionally, you had the odd kids whose parents raised livestock instead of corn or soybeans, but they still understood the busy seasons and what it was like to do chores before the sun was up and go straight home from school to help out until bedtime.
We filed into class right after the tardy bell rang and smiled sweetly at our World History teacher, Mrs. Merrit, Rigley’s mom. She just rolled her eyes at us.
She was actually a terrible teacher when it came to homework and tests. She was one of the most brutal. And she didn’t accept any late work unless we had a note from a doctor proving we were on our death beds. This was unfortunate for me, since I never got sick, and my parents would die before they let me lie about something like that. But, she was also our volleyball coach and Rigley’s mom, so occasionally we were given grace for the random error in punctuality.
Today was one of those days.
I slid into my desk behind Seth and across from Tristan. The tension in the air was so thick, I wanted to reach for the six-inch blade hidden under my bubbly denim skirt, but I refrained. It wouldn’t do any good to beat either of these boys up; they were still determined to act like Neanderthals.
Tristan shot me a smile, which I returned, but Seth didn’t even turn around. It had been three days since I spent the night with him; he had given me the cold shoulder ever since, except during training- then he was giving me the very hot, very deadly, very skilled shoulder. It was when he was kicking my ass with his damn pirate sword that I wished he would just stay distant, until I could give him what I wanted.
I glanced over at Tristan while he listened to the lecture on the War of 1812. His head was freshly shaved; he was rubbing his hand over it in the way he did when he was thoughtful or pissed. His skin was darkening again, now that he was out in the sun all the time practicing or helping his dad with the planting. And his bright green eyes were intent and focused forward.
He was striking. Sometimes I couldn’t believe just how gorgeous he was.
It was disconcerting to stack him up next to Seth. Seth’s looks were so classically perfect, his burning amber eyes, his flawless, golden skin and his tussled light-brown hair. He looked very much the Angel that he was.
But Tristan was all dark beauty and rough exterior. His muscles weren’t genetically made, but hard-earned over a childhood of manual labor and constant physical activity. His nose wasn’t exactly straight and his eyebrows were maybe a little thick, but he was Tristan- my Tristan. And I was afraid of how unwilling I was to let him go.
I knew what I was supposed to do…. what I was expected to do.
But I had to wonder if I was capable of living out this part of my destiny.
I didn’t love Seth.
I didn’t even like him as much as I liked Tristan. Tristan’s muscles weren’t the only thing that had been fought for and refined over time. My feelings for him spanned my entire life; they had developed constantly and consistently for as long as I could remember.
And while I felt something for Seth, there was part of me that thought my physical and emotional reaction to him was as much of a genetic complex as his godly body. Tristan had worked for our relationship. Seth had appeared in my life and expected there to be one.
That probably wasn’t fair to him, but there it was all the same- the root of my issue.
My attention was drawn back to Seth when something moved along his back. I swung my gaze to him just in time to watch the tip of a Shadow’s pointed tail whip around Seth’s back.
My breath hitched in my throat and I stared at Seth, waiting for the disgusting little demon to reappear. Shadows were exactly what they sounded like, black smoke like creatures that were actually more flesh and blood than incorporeal material. But they appeared as black, hazy smoke and could disappear at will, floating off into different dimensions or returning to Hell in their downtime. They could also make any shape they wanted and appear as apparitions or hallucinations. Over the winter I’d mistaken one for a deer in the road one night and that’s how Seth was introduced into my life.