He hadn’t meant it the way it had come out, but he didn’t get points for being stupid, either. He looked back at the feed store, then shook his head and walked to his truck. He’d stepped in it big-time. The question was, what was it going to take to fix things?
* * *
ANNABELLE CHECKED THE invoice against what had been ordered. Adding new books to the library’s inventory usually made her happy. Today it was less about the thrill and more about whether or not she could concentrate. The fact that she could focus on work would be enough of a win, she told herself. Happiness would follow with time.
The good news was Shane might have been a jerk, but he hadn’t broken her heart. They hadn’t been together long enough for that to happen. So while she had a bruised ego, she wouldn’t have scars. She felt a little foolish for having misjudged him, but everyone got to make a mistake now and then. It was what she did about the mistake that would speak to her character.
She turned away from her computer and stared out the window. What bothered her the most was that she’d been so wrong about him. She’d been going around all happy that Shane was one of the good guys—nothing like her ex. But in the end, he’d been a lot more like Lewis than she wanted to admit. He’d used her for his own purposes, not once thinking about her feelings.
Someone knocked on her office door. She glanced up and said, “Come in,” at the same time, only to realize Shane was standing in the doorway.
Immediately her heart began to pound and very specific parts of her body cheered in anticipation. Her stomach clenched, her thighs felt a little quivery and the sense memory of how he’d felt inside of her made it difficult to think about anything else.
All right. Maybe she wasn’t as over him as she should be.
“Do you have a second?” he asked.
He looked good, she thought bitterly. All tanned and strong, wearing those worn jeans, the ones that were faded and soft looking. Why couldn’t he have grown a hump in the past two days? Or a second, small but unattractive head?
She motioned to the chair across from her desk and laced her fingers together on her lap.
“Is this a library issue or something else?” she asked.
“Something else.”
She waited. Whatever he had to say, she would listen, then answer and send him on his way. She was calm. She was controlled. She would gather her strength from the spiritual remnants of the powerful Máa-zib women who had first come to this part of the country. And if that didn’t work, she would go crying to Charlie. Because she was pretty sure Charlie could beat up Shane. Or at least give it a good try.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I behaved badly.”
She stared at him. “Really? In what way?”
He drew in a breath. “Come on, Annabelle. You know what I’m talking about. After we had sex I said I was leaving because I’d gotten you out of my system.”
The words were just as harsh the second time around, but she told herself not to react.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “Not exactly.”
She continued to wait. If he wanted to find his way out of this mess, he was going to have to do it alone.
He ran his hand through his hair then looked at her. “I’ve been obsessed with you from the first second I saw you dancing on that damn bar.”
Her chin came up. “You saw that?”
“Oh, yeah. I walked into Jo’s Bar one of my first nights back and saw you dancing. It was like taking a bolt of lightning to the gut. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was all I could do not to pull you over my shoulder and carry you off somewhere.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “They arrest guys for doing stuff like that.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“I got out of there as fast as I could, but you were in my head. So I asked my mom to find me a nice girl. Someone…boring and not very exciting.”
His reaction to seeing her dance on the bar had gone a long way to making her feel better. But now all those good feelings fizzled. “You mean someone like a librarian?”
He nodded sheepishly. “She mentioned you and you seemed safe, but then you showed up and I was lost.” He leaned forward. “I’ve told you about Rachel and that you remind me a little of her. But it isn’t you, it’s me. That feeling that I have to have you. It was bad with her, but it’s worse with you. Hell, even my horse has a crush on you.”
He sounded desperate, but she wasn’t going to trust him again easily.
“I’ve wanted you from the first second I saw you,” he told her. “Night before last, when I came over, and you let me come in, I needed you more than I needed air. Afterward I thought I would be free of you. That’s what I meant. That we could go back to being friends.”
“Oh, sure. Because I want to be friends with someone who assumes sleeping with me once is a lifetime cure.”
He fell back in the chair. “I’m saying this all wrong again, aren’t I?”
“Pretty much.” But she was beginning to understand his twisted male logic. Unfortunately it confirmed everything she’d been afraid of. She wanted love with all its complications and Shane wanted safe. Not a good combination.
“You assumed that being with me couldn’t possibly be as good as it was in your mind,” she continued. “Because you’re fantasizing about something that doesn’t exist. Like being with a movie star.”
He nodded slowly. “Maybe,” he admitted, sounding both cautious and wary.
“So when we were done, you felt you’d lived the fantasy and now you could return to your regular life.”
“Something like that.”
“So walking out right after had nothing to do with me at all.”
He shifted in his chair.
She smiled. “I mean you weren’t thinking about me. It wasn’t personal. You weren’t leaving me, you were dashing toward potential freedom.”
“Yes. I thought I was over you.”
“But you’re not?”
The question popped out without her considering what she’d just put on the table. And once out, the words hung there in the small room.
Shane straightened. “I’m not. I want to be, Annabelle. I won’t lie. But maybe I should simply accept reality. You’re someone who will always have the ability to get my attention when you walk in a room. That doesn’t excuse what I said or how I acted and I’m sorry.”
For the first time in a long time, a man had left her speechless and not in a bad way. He was admitting that there was chemistry and he couldn’t control the fact that he wanted her. It was kind of a nice thing to hear. On the downside, it put her firmly back in the category of his ex-wife. She would forever be the kind of woman he wouldn’t or couldn’t trust.
Obviously an intelligent woman would choose this moment to end things.
“I accept your apology,” she said.
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry you’re so obsessed with me.”
He grinned. “No, you’re not. But I’ll deal with it. I like your idea of being friends. Can we go back to that or is there too much damage?”
She would rather stay lovers. Being with him had been amazing. Two days later, she was still enjoying aftershocks. But they wanted different things. Different endings after an amazing night together. Friends might not be sexy, but it prevented her from once again wasting herself on someone who didn’t understand who she really was or want what she did.“We can be friends,” she told him. “Did you mean what you said before? About looking for someone quiet?”
“Sure. Boring sounds good. I don’t like the drama, but I seem stuck with it.”
“I’m not dramatic.”
“You were dancing on a bar.”
“I wasn’t drunk,” she said primly. “I was demonstrating the dance of the happy virgin.”
“Uh-huh. Sure you were. Face it, Annabelle. You’re one of those women destined to drive men wild. Accept your destiny.”
His words made her feel like some kind of sexual goddess, which was impressive considering she’d grown up believing no one would ever care about her. Not that sex was caring, but at least it was sort of in the same family. Or it could be.
Lewis had used sex to make her feel small. He complained if she didn’t want to make love and when she did, he told her she wasn’t a lady. Most of the time he hadn’t cared about her pleasure, and every once in a while he “allowed” her to have an orgasm.
Until him, she’d enjoyed the few lovers she’d had, even if the guys had been lousy at relationships. But Lewis had been the first man to claim he loved her. So she took the good with the bad and hoped the relationship would improve. Over the years, she’d realized that she wanted, no, needed more than someone who made her feel smaller than she was. So she’d walked away from him. He’d vowed she wouldn’t see a penny from him and she’d been fine with that. She’d taken her clothes and whatever personal belongings could fit in her car. That had been plenty.
She looked at Shane. She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t anyone’s idea of a goddess, except maybe his. It was nice to know she could move him in that way. In bed, he’d been a caring, giving lover, healing several of the wounds her ex-husband had left behind. They might never be romantically involved, but she appreciated what had happened between them.
“I’d like to be friends again,” she told him.
“Good. Me, too.”
“I’ll call off the town.”
He chuckled. “Seriously? Because I can’t buy so much as a nail around here.”
“Never forget Fool’s Gold is, at heart, a matriarchal society.”
“You gotta love that.”
“I do.”
They both rose. She tilted her head as she studied him. “Do we shake on it?”
“It’s that or go for it right here on your desk.”
The image filled her head and she found herself wanting to say yes.
He stepped around her desk. “Sorry. I was kidding.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek, then stared into her eyes. “I am sorry. I was wrong and I hurt you. There’s no excuse for that.”
“Thank you.”
He walked away.
She sank back in her chair, relieved to know that her initial assessment had been right. Shane was one of the good guys. Everyone screwed up. It was how the mistakes were handled that defined who a person was. He’d taken responsibility and made amends. Which made him just about perfect.
Except he wanted safe and boring. The exact opposite of what she did. Friends, she reminded herself, was a much better solution. It wasn’t as if they were going to be tempted into bed with each other again…right?
* * *
ANNABELLE PARKED BY the house on the Castle Ranch and watched yet another horse being unloaded from a trailer. She had a feeling this one was just a little fancier than the riding horses Shane had collected for the girls’ lessons. One clue came from the trailer itself. Not only did it look new and expensive, but there was some kind of heating and/or cooling unit on top. No AC via an open window for these horses.
The horse itself was beautiful. A light brown with a darker mane and tail. His legs were long, his muscles sleek. His head was well-shaped. Shane walked with him down the ramp.
Heidi came out of the house and walked over.
“One of the expensive ones,” she said with a grin. “I can’t remember his name.”
“He looks gorgeous,” Annabelle admitted.
“He should. He’s worth a ton. Probably not millions, but plenty. He’s a racehorse. Resting here on his way to Del Mar.”
“Del Mar as in racing? Horses on the surf and all that?”
Heidi grinned. “Sure. Shane has a dozen or so horses out racing. Didn’t he tell you?”
“Not really. He mentioned something about racing and I knew Khatar was valuable.”
Heidi’s grin broadened. “Yes, the horse you’re planning to paint.”
“It washes off,” Annabelle said defensively. “Besides, Shane said I could.”
“Of course he did. You could tell him to wear a tutu and he’d agree.”
“I’m less sure of that. Although Khatar probably would. He’s a very sweet horse.”
“To you.”
“And the girls who are taking riding lessons.”
“Maybe.”
They watched Shane lead the horse into the barn.
“I’m practically expecting him to get that horse a Sleep Number bed,” Heidi grumbled. “Only the best for his precious racehorses. Not that I can really complain. He knows what he’s doing. One of them came in second at Belmont.”
“He mentioned that. The one that’s part of the triple crown, right?”
“I think so. Rafe said something, but I was looking at bridal magazines and not really listening. Does that make me a bad sister-in-law-to-be?”
“No. It makes you human.”
Heidi laughed. “Thank you. Now I feel better. Come on. Shane’s going to be a while. In the meantime, we can go check on Persephone. She’s restless. I think she’s about ready to give birth. Cameron swears she’ll be fine, but I can’t help worrying.”
“Cameron’s the vet?”
“Yes. His large-animal practice sure took a jump when we showed up here. Between my goats, Shane’s horses and May’s menagerie, he’s one busy guy.”
They walked around the side of the house, toward the goat pen. During the summer, Heidi’s goats fed on the wild bushes and grass. They came into the goat house once a day for milking.