The sweet scent of a white chocolate mocha woke me from a heavy sleep the following morning. For a few moments, as I stirred to consciousness, it was like waking up any other day. Then, as I opened my eyes and shifted position, my body's nerves came to life, reminding me what had happened yesterday. It wasn't the horrible torturous pain I'd experienced before, but I had enough aches and soreness to dissuade me from too much movement. Still, I managed to more or less sit up when Dante entered my bedroom.
He held the mocha in one hand and what looked like a bakery bag tucked under his arm. In the other hand, he carried an enormous vase of blue and white hydrangeas, interspersed with orchids. I never would have pictured those particular flowers going together, but the arrangement worked.
"Did you rob a florist?" I asked.
Dante gave me a withering look as he handed me the mocha. "Why are you assuming the worst again?"
"Because orchids aren't cheap," I said.
"They were out of crab grass, so I had to settle." He gently placed the vase on my dresser and then freed the bakery bag. "And I beat up some kids for these."
After a long, delicious sip, I set the mocha on my bedside table and took the bag from him. Inside were chocolate croissants-my favorite kind of breakfast pastry.
"All this because I got beat up?" I asked.
He sat on the side of the bed. "I'm worried about you."
"I should get in fights with demons more often," I teased, my last few words getting muffled as I bit into a croissant. Tiny flakes and crumbs fell onto my sheets, but I didn't care.
"Not funny, succubus," he said. And to my surprise, I could see that he meant it. None of his usual sardonic humor showed on his face. There was no bitter twist to his lips. "That's never happening again. And I'm going to make sure you get better, immortal healing or not."
"Never took you for a nursemaid."
"Be quiet," he snapped. "And keep eating. Your body needs calories to heal."
Happy to oblige, I started to take another bite and then froze. "Do you think I might start putting on weight?" Calories were nothing I'd ever had to count before. I'd feared neither weight gain nor health effects from the things I ate.
"I think that's the least of your worries."
I supposed he was right. I kept eating-but with a little less enthusiasm. He still looked so serious and worried that I couldn't shake my warm and fuzzy feelings. "Thank you for all of this. It's really great."
He smiled at me, and his gray eyes were lovely in the morning light. "Not many people in this world I feel deserve my help. You're in an exclusive club."
I started to make a comment about how the rest of the club members must be imaginary, but there had already been too much snark this morning. Nanette's attack had seriously shaken Dante up.
"Thank you," I said again. A thought struck me. "I might have some other way for you to help. Will you grab my purse?"
He retrieved it from the living room and handed it over. Reaching inside, I was relieved to see the photo that I'd swiped from Mary was still there. I studied it for a moment, willing the medallion to yield some sort of revelation. All I saw was a translucent brown disc and runes or symbols that could easily be mistaken for a child's scribbles. With a sigh, I handed it to him.
"Does this mean anything to you?"
His brows knit thoughtfully as he looked it over. "No. Should it?"
"I think it might be part of Jerome's summoning. Remember when I asked you about an artist who carved quartz? This is what I turned up. Supposedly, the stone and marks are clues, but I don't know what they are. I guess that's where I need people like you or Erik."
He gazed at the picture for several more moments, and to my surprise, I saw anger building in his features. Abruptly, he stood up and tossed the picture on the floor.
"Son of a bitch," he growled.
"What's the matter?" I exclaimed.
"This," he said, gesturing at me and the fallen picture. "This is the matter. What good am I, succubus? I'm ten times more powerful than those people I sent you to go see. Aside from Lancaster, there's probably no one else in this fucking town who knows as much about the arcane as I do. And what good is it?" He paced around my room and ran his hand angrily through his hair. "Nothing. That's what it's good for. I can't seem to help you. I can't do a goddamned thing. I couldn't save you from that demoness. And I don't know anything about this medallion thing."
I was stunned by his reaction. "Hey, whoa. It's okay. Sit down. Don't beat yourself up."
"It's not okay." He came to a halt. "I feel...powerless." For someone who'd spent his life doing horrible things in the quest for power, I could recognize what a hard admission that was.
"You're not obligated to do anything here," I said gently. "You help me more than you realize. But this isn't your fight. This isn't your responsibility."
" You're my responsibility," he said. "If I can't look out for you, then why do you need me?"
"I'm not with you for what you can do for me."
"Yeah? You're with me for my winning personality?"
The truth was, I still wasn't sure at times why I was with him. I couldn't help but recall his comments about me keeping him as a bed warmer, but true or not, now wasn't the time to bring that up. Plus, he'd been sweet lately-something I'd never expected when I'd turned to him in my post-Seth rage.
"Dante, I'm serious. Don't worry about any of this. I'll take care of it and talk to my friends."
I saw from the look on his face that that wasn't quite what he'd wanted to hear. Knowing I had other people to go to seemed to make him feel more inadequate.
"You shouldn't be involved in this at all," he said.
"What, in finding Jerome? Of course I have to be."
"There are others, people who are more powerful. I don't want you getting hurt again! Why can't you just lie low and keep yourself safe?" he demanded.
"Because it's not what I do! And no one else is going to do it anyway. They're just letting this go. Letting Jerome go."
"Why don't you let it go?" he asked. "Would it be so bad to work under another demon? You've worked for others."
I turned and gazed out the window. The sky was blue, but something told me it was cold out. It was a quirk of Seattle weather. We often had warmer temperatures when it was cloudy out, colder ones when it was sunny. Dragging my eyes back to Dante, I said, "Yeah, I have. But this is different. This isn't right-it shouldn't have happened. I have to find Jerome."
"Yes. You do. It's written all over you. Why do you have to make everything so difficult and create these problems?"
"If you're unhappy, no one's making you stick around," I said quietly.
"Of course I'm sticking around. And if there's nothing to be done for your impulsivity, I might as well help." He snatched up the photo and glared at it. "Let me take this and ask some questions. I might not know what it is-yet-but there are resources I can tap."
There was a hard set to his face. He was a man with a mission, which I preferred to him being down on himself or ranting at me. I was about to send him off with my blessings, but something held me back. I couldn't let the picture go.
"I want to keep the photo," I told him.
He stared. "You don't think I'll bring it back?"
"No, I'm not worried about that. But I did a lot to get it, and besides, I want to show it to some people too. We'll make a copy of it. You can take that."
"Yeah? You got a copy machine in the bathroom?"
"Can't you just draw it or something?"
"Succubus."
"Well, I don't know! But if you want to do sleuthing, you're going to have to find a workaround. Until I feel like traipsing around the city with you, I want the picture to stay with me."
He glowered, looking very much like his usual bitter self. Finally, realizing I wasn't going to yield, he did a hasty trace of the medallion onto another sheet of paper. He added a few notes off to the side and did his best approximation of the symbols. He seemed miserable the entire time.
"Sorry," I said.
"It's fine," he said.
"You're going now?"
"If you think you'll be okay."
I assured him I would be. My phone was nearby, and I had a feeling if he stayed, he'd just grow more and more upset about how he'd let me down and about how I was putting myself at risk for reasons he didn't understand. At least this gave him a feeling of purpose. I promised to call if something happened and breathed a sigh of relief when he finally left.
I stayed in bed for a while after that, consuming my calorie-laden breakfast and thinking about his extreme reaction. I hoped he'd find something out for me, and in the meantime, I needed to do some investigating of my own. First things first, though. I needed to shower.
It turned out to be harder than I expected-but not impossible. I just had to move slowly when I walked to the bathroom, careful not to get too ambitious. Hugh's bandages still covered my back, and it took a fair bit of dexterity to remove them. They were soaked with blood, but underneath, the cuts showed signs of Mei's healing. They were still there, still uncomfortable, but had all scabbed over and were much smaller. I kept the water lukewarm as I showered and was careful when I toweled off to not break any of the scabs open.
By the time I was sitting on my couch in the living room, I felt like I'd run a marathon. I'd never wanted shape-shifting so badly in my life. I wore loose clothes-drawstring pants and a T-shirt without a bra-but it had taken some effort to put them on. My hair I'd given up on completely, figuring combing it out would have to do. I didn't have the patience to dry it and didn't want to think about the frizziness I was inviting.
Aubrey joined me on the couch as I rested from my morning labors and flipped through the channels. After cycling through twice, I gave up and left the TV on some sort of nature show about Siberian tigers. Aubrey watched it with wide eyes, but I wasn't interested.
"This is your equivalent of reality television," I observed.
"The talk shows don't come on until later," a voice suddenly said. "That's when things get good."
I sighed. "Carter. What a pleasant surprise."
The angel strolled into my line of sight and sat down on the armchair opposite me. Aubrey immediately left me and hopped onto his lap.
"Traitor," I said.
He grinned and scratched her head. "Word on the street is that you had a bad day yesterday."
"I've had worse," I said. "Marginally. You should have seen me before Mei healed me."
"Bah, demons can't heal. Not really. They lose the finesse it takes when they cross over."
"Hey, I'll take what help I can get." I brightened. "And speaking of help, I think I've got a picture of the seal-"
"No."
"No what?"
"I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is no."
"You have no idea what I'm going to ask!"
"You're going to ask me to help identify the seal so you can figure out where Jerome is."
I stayed silent. Damn.
He rolled his eyes. "And the answer is no."
"But you could make this so much easier," I argued. "Dante's out trying to figure out what the seal means. You could tell me right now."
"Georgina, I told you before. I can't interfere."
"Then why are you here?"
"To see how you're feeling. Believe me, I wish I could interfere. I'd do a better healing job than Mei."
I fell silent, mind spinning. "Were you here yesterday?"
"Doing what?"
"Look, I won't consider it interfering, but just tell me if it was you."
Carter didn't look confused very often. If anything, he was usually the one messing with other people's minds. I think under normal circumstances, when the immortal state of affairs in Seattle wasn't in limbo, he would have faked it and hidden his confusion. Now, he just shook his head in exasperation.
"What are you talking about?"
"Someone was here after Nanette beat me up. A guy. He put me to bed and called Hugh."
"It wasn't me."
"Technically, it wouldn't even be interfering."
"Georgina," he said sternly. "Listen. It wasn't me."
I held his gaze and shivered at the intensity in his eyes. His were gray, but whereas Dante's were like leaden clouds on a winter day, Carter's were like gleaming silver.
"It wasn't you," I said at last. He'd answered directly, with none of the half-truths and subterfuge angels normally employed. He'd answered directly, and angels couldn't lie. "I suppose you didn't blow up the stove either?"
"No."
"Who did, then? You said in Vancouver you'd try to protect me. I figured this was you."
"It's possible the stove blew up because of a gas leak."
"Maybe," I grumbled.
He smiled, instantly transforming him to the mocking angel I usually knew. "Believe me, Daughter of Lilith, I wish I could take credit for these things. And if it comes down to it, and I have the means and ability, I will try to protect you. For now, I've still got to stay out of this."
"House calls aside."
"Just a visit between friends." He winked and stood up. "I really do wish I could help more, but you're going to have to find another way. Be careful, whatever you end up doing."
"You're not warning me away from all this?"
He arched an eyebrow. "Should I be?"
"No," I mused. "But everyone else is. They say it's dangerous."
"It is dangerous. But these are dangerous times, and honestly? You're the only one that I think has the means or desire to get us out of this mess. Good luck, Georgina. And don't leave the house without checking your hair." He vanished.
"Fucking angels."
I realized then that I was starving for real food, not sugar-filled sweets. My kitchen was sparse as usual, so I decided to risk the world and go pick up something. I was tired and certainly incapable of running a marathon, but Mei's healing really had gone a long way. I could manage the one block walk to a nearby take-out Chinese restaurant. I placed the order, and by the time I was out of my robe and out the door, the food was ready. I stopped at a convenience store as well to pick up some pop, and the whole endeavor only ended up taking about thirty minutes. From the look on Aubrey's face, you would have thought I'd been gone a whole day, but then, she just wanted my orange chicken.
I changed back to my robe and relaxed with the food, pondering how to spend my day. As I'd told Dante, I didn't want to go traipsing about town, but I wanted some leads on the medallion. Erik was probably my best bet at this point, and I hoped he'd be able to ID my symbols from phone descriptions. Before I could do that, I heard a knock at my door. I expected it to be Hugh making a house call, but to my astonishment, it was Seth.
"Hey," I said, stepping aside so that he could come in.
"Hey," he returned.
I stuffed my hands into the ratty robe's pockets, wishing I hadn't been so hasty to change back to casual mode. My hair was undoubtedly a lost cause, so there was no point stressing over that. "How's it going?"
"Okay." He met my eyes frankly, something he hadn't done in a while. It sent a tingle down my back. "I was just nearby and wanted to...well, that is..." He sighed. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday...."
Yesterday. The kiss. Something that only a demon attack could have dwarfed.
I shook my head, trying not to recall how I'd felt that kiss all the way to my toes. "You have nothing to apologize for. I think...I think I was as much to blame. Besides, it was nothing."
"Nothing?" he asked, looking both surprised and hurt.
"I mean, not nothing ," I amended hastily. "But we were both kind of worked up, and things got crazy, and well, like I said...nothing to apologize for."
"Okay...I'm glad you're not upset. I don't want there to be anything...well, anything bad between us."
I thought about all the fights and arguments. "Well, I'm not sure we've reached that state. I mean, come on, do you think things will ever be normal and friendly between us?"
"Yes," he said bluntly. "No matter what has or hasn't happened romantically, I still feel like...like there's something between us...like, a connection, I mean. I feel like we're always destined to be important in each other's lives."
You are my life , I thought and promptly looked away, as though he might have heard me. "Do you regret it?" I asked before I realized I had.
"Regret?"
"Ending things."
I looked back at him, fearing his answer, no matter what it was. "I regret...well, I don't regret saving you from future hurt. I do regret the hurt I've caused you...if I'd known you'd react and spiral the way you have..."
"You can't take that into consideration," I said hastily. "That's not your fault." I was surprised to be saying that, but it was true. My bad behavior these last months had been my doing.
"I can't help it. I'll always worry about you. Like I said, I feel like no matter what, we're always going to be connected...like there's something bigger than us at work. As it is..."
"What?"
"Never mind."
I stepped forward, never taking my eyes off him. "Tell me."
"As it is..." He shrugged. "Life is easier not dating you. But sometimes...it feels incomplete. Like there's a piece of me missing."
"And that's easier?"
"Think of it as winning the lottery and having people waiting on all your needs, but it's at the cost of, I don't know, getting your leg amputated."
"Wow. You should be a writer with that imagery."
He smiled. "Yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean."
Except, I was missing a part of my life and things were harder, not easier. "You at least have Maddie."
"You have Dante."
"Dante's not Maddie, believe me."
"Fair enough. She's great...I care about her...love her...I don't know. It's all just different."
Silence fell, but it was comfortable. "Good lord. I can't believe we're discussing this rationally."
"See? Not so hard to be friends."
I had my doubts about that. "I guess."
"Don't worry. We'll keep trying. Before long, we'll be on a bowling league or something." He spoke his words lightly, but there was a catch that belied the truth of his words. Being friends wasn't easy for Seth either. He still cared about me and was suffering just as much as me with this separation. Seeing that made something in me soften.
"Hey, it's okay. We'll make this work."
I reached out to hug him, and he automatically returned it. I felt warm and safe and right in his embrace-until he casually squeezed my back. I cried out, jerking away at the pain that shot through me. We sprang apart, and he looked at me in alarm. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"It's...complicated." My standard answer to uncomfortable questions.
"Georgina!"
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
He strode toward me, reached a hand out, then pulled back. Intensity filled his face. "Are you hurt?"
I tried to keep out of his reach. "Look, I got in a fight last night, and I'm sporting some, uh, residual effects. It's mostly gone, though, so there's nothing to worry about."
"You? Got in a fight? With who?"
"Whom. And it was with Nanette. I told you, it's nothing."
"Who's Nanette?"
"She's...a demon."
He gave me a level look. "A demon. A full-fledged demon."
"Something like that."
"Let me see your back."
"Seth-"
"Georgina! Let me see your back."
There was anger in his words, not at me, but at the thought of someone hurting me. It reminded me a little of Dante's reaction, except that Dante always had a bit of anger in him. It was normal. To see it woken up in Seth...to see him so passionate and fierce...
Slowly, slowly, I turned around and undid the front of my robe, letting it slip halfway down my back. I heard Seth gasp at what he saw, and then a few moments later, he stepped forward and pushed my hair off my back so that he could get a better view. I shivered when his fingers touched my skin.
"Georgina...this is horrible..."
"It was worse before." I spoke flippantly, hoping to deflect his worry and realizing I'd only increased it now.
"Worse?"
I tugged the robe up and turned back around. "Mei healed it. I'm fine."
"Yeah, it seems that way."
"Look, it's nothing you have to worry about."
"Not worry about?" His eyes were filled with incredulity. "Even when you're...normal...a demon could still kill you, right?"
"Yeah."
Seth put his hand to his forehead and sighed. "This is what it's like, isn't it?"
"What?"
"What you went through with me. Living with the fear that I could die. Having it tear you apart."
I didn't answer right away. "You don't have to worry about me. This'll work out."
"Did this...did Nanette do this because of your investigating?"
I nodded, then crooked him a wry smile. "Still like how brave I am?"
He stepped closer to me and looked me up and down in a way that was so serious, my smile faded. "Even after this, you aren't going to stop, are you? You're going to keep pushing to find Jerome?"
"Do you want me to stop?" This was almost like my earlier conversation with Dante, when he'd made it clear he thought I was a fool for continuing with my quest.
Seth's answer was a long time in coming. "I don't want you to get hurt. But I understand you, and I know why you have to do this...and it's still part of that strange, brave nature of yours that's so..."
He didn't finish, but I saw the anguish in his eyes, the worry and heartache over something happening to me. It was mingled with something else, though. Pride. Affection. I put my arms around him again, wanting to comfort him now. "Hey, hey. It's going to be okay. I'll be okay."
His hands rested on my hips, careful of my back, but honestly, I barely noticed. My attention was on his lips, pressed against my cheek. "Georgina, Georgina," he breathed against my skin. "You are...incredible."
And like in the car, I don't know who exactly was to blame, but our lips met and were kissing again. Unlike before, we didn't break apart out of shock. We kept kissing. And kissing. His lips were intoxicating and felt like they'd been designed especially for mine. Our bodies pressed against one another, though his embrace was still gentle. As the kiss continued, that same sensation came back to me: this was purely a kiss. Just an expression of love between two people with no dire side effects, no soul stealing. The longer it went on, the more amazed I was. By now, as a succubus, I would have begun to taste his energy and feel his thoughts. But not now. I was alone in my own head, savoring his body and not his soul.
We pulled back slightly, and he moved his hands up to the side of my face, smoothing my hair away and touching my cheek. "Georgina. You are...beautiful."
We kissed again, and it was so sweet, so pure, that it didn't seem possible. I hadn't had a physical experience that could really be called sweet or pure since...well, since my mortal days. But this was. And by pure, I didn't mean non-sexual...because my body was definitely awake and yearning for his. But, it was pure in the sense that there were no ulterior machinations here, just our feelings. My love for him was the turn-on, and as his hands ran down my arms and back to my hips, it was the knowledge that it was Seth that made it all so powerful.
His hands carefully moved down to the robe's tie and undid the knot. He broke the kiss and studied my face as he hesitantly, almost reverently, slipped the robe off me. It hit the floor, and I stepped away from it. Seth moved with me, running his fingers along my arms, leaning down to kiss my neck. I tilted my head back as my own hands began pushing up his T-shirt. When I had it half-way, he paused to push it up the rest of the way.
Then his hands were on my waist once more, sliding down and feeling the curve of my hips. I had on plain cotton panties-sexily cut, at least-and his fingertips traced the edges down along my thighs, every touch soft yet quivering with pent-up energy. I don't think I was being quite as gentle. I was hungry to touch him, eager as I ran my hands along his chest and the lean muscles of his stomach. I wanted to kiss it and taste it and lose myself in all things Seth.
I began backing up toward my bedroom, and he followed, turning hesitant once we reached the bed and I started to sit. "You can't..." he began.
"I can lie down," I said, doing exactly that. "I just can't slam my back down or anything."
After watching me for a moment, making sure I spoke the truth, Seth took off his jeans and lay down next to me. I rolled slightly to my side, pressing back to him. We resumed kissing, doing no more than that, just letting our nearly bare bodies wrap around each other. Having all this skin touching between us was heady. Never, never had I imagined it could really happen. Our hands explored each other, feeling every line and curve we'd always been denied. Every gesture between us was exquisite. Every caress was a prayer. We regarded each other's bodies with wonder and joy.
When my hands slipped to the edges of his boxers, I found his own fingers were tugging at my panties. We hardly needed any communication, and once completely naked, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him toward me and seeking the completion with him I'd so long dreamed of.
To my surprise, he pulled from my arms and scooted down the bed. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"This," he said.
He smoothly pushed my legs apart, and I felt him shower my inner thighs with light, delicate kisses. Up and up his warm mouth moved until he made contact with my clit. I gasped softly at the fire that coursed through me from that light flick of the tongue. It was so light...yet so powerful. I'd been so intoxicated with the simple fact that we could touch that I hadn't been consciously aware of just how aroused I had grown. I ached and was wet and nearly melted at his touch.
He lifted his mouth up slightly. "Do you know how long I've dreamed about this? To be able to touch you? To taste you?"
I had little chance to ponder his rhetorical question because his lips returned to me, sucking and licking, somehow infinitely gentle and blazingly hot at the same time. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the pleasure of it, of Seth bringing me closer and closer to orgasm. As my muscles tightened and my cries grew more frequent, he intensified his movements, his tongue dancing and teasing harder and more rapidly.
I wanted to hold off, to prolong this as I did his books, but I couldn't help it. My climax hit me hard and fast, and I moaned long and low as I came. All the while, Seth kept his mouth down there, refusing to let up as my body arched and trembled from the sparks of ecstasy that flowed through me. When my body finally quieted, he lifted himself up again and returned to my side, showering my chest with more of those tiny kisses.
I brought my face to his, trading in the little kisses for one big one. His mouth tasted like me, and I opened my lips farther and farther as our tongues stroked each other. I might have come already, but I still burned between my legs and still needed him. I pressed myself against him, wrapping my legs around him so that there was almost no space between our hips.
"Georgina..." he said warningly.
It was another sign of how well we knew each other that I realized he wasn't worried about asking permission about what came next. He was worried about my back again. So, shifting over, I rolled him to his back and straddled him, looking down at him with a small smile. He gave me an answering one, amused by my ready solution. As we held gazes, I was again overwhelmed with the emotion of the experience, of how indescribable it was to finally touch someone I loved. I had been terrified at the thought of dying, but I realized then that I was only afraid of dying uselessly. For Seth, to save him, I would have gladly laid down my life. He was right. We were connected in something bigger than both of us.
Empowered by that realization, I lowered my hips, joining us at last. I felt him enter me, felt him fill me up. We both paused then, neither breathing or moving, half-expecting something to happen or end this. Nothing did, and after that, I didn't hesitate any further. I slowly moved my hips up and down, savoring the feel of him in me and underneath me as he glided in and out. My hands were on his chest and his were on my hips. Our eyes were on each other, never wavering, never breaking contact.
How to describe sex with Seth? It's difficult. It was unlike anything I'd had in my existence as a succubus. Somewhere, in the back of my head, it resonated with memories of my marriage, when my husband and I had still been happy. Every other instance after that had been lacking...until now. Each movement and touch with Seth was a dream, a wonder.
The intensity of our lovemaking steadily increased. My need for him grew stronger and stronger, and I rode him with a ferocity that was still tender and full of the love that burned between us. I loved the feel of him, loved how I could thrust him into me, hard and deep. And yet...
"It's not enough," I murmured. "We're still not close enough." It might have been a foolish sentiment, considering we were as physically close as two people could be. But Seth understood.
"I know," he gasped. "I know. We'll never be close enough."
Joy lit his face then, and when he came, his body arched up toward mine. I leaned down and increased my rhythm and hardness, wanting so badly to be even closer and have as much of him in me as I could. His mouth parted in a soft moan that mirrored my earlier one, and when he started to instinctively close his eyes, he quickly opened them again to stay locked with my gaze. There was no looking away between us, no avoiding what we felt. As I stared into his eyes and felt his body's trembling fade, energy seemed to crackle between our souls in a way that had nothing to do with succubus soul-stealing.
Carefully, I eased myself off him and lay down on my side again, draping my body over his. I was drowning in feeling and emotion.
"Georgina," he murmured, pulling me closer. "You are the world."
I'd heard that somewhere before, but I was too overwhelmed to parse it much. I was too lost in Seth. Instead, what I said was unoriginal but absolutely true: "I love you."