My heart grows heavy and I absently rub at the center of my chest, messing up my tie. Now that I’m a working stiff, I have to dress like one. I bought a few new suits and dress shirts and a handful of ties. Though I usually come to work in trousers and a button-down shirt with the tie, nothing too formal. I like my boss, Stanton, and I like my job. I’m damn good at my job.
Considering it’s pretty much all I have, I put my heart and soul into it, vowing I wouldn’t fuck it up. I can’t afford to fuck it up. I refuse to go back to my old lifestyle.
“You going to ask what happened or what?” Cash says, blasting me from my thoughts.
“Tell me,” I say, worry clawing at my chest. I hope Rose is all right. I miss her so damn much. I’ve been working hard to make myself a better man. I had a loose idea of what I needed to do to make things right. Secure myself in my job, guarantee I’m not going anywhere after the ninety-day grace period, and then go to her with my heart in my hands and words of undying love falling from my lips.
Sappy and ridiculous, but that was my plan.
“She looks frail, Caden. I’m not going to lie. A little pale and tired, and when I introduced your mother to her—”
“You introduced her as my mother?” Holy hell. I’m sweating. No wonder Rose dropped to the ground.
“No, jackass, I introduced her as Cora Kingsley. But I knew she’d put it together. Or at least assume something. Or think of you. I don’t know what she thought.” He shrugs and takes another bite of his sandwich, chewing for what feels like forever. “All I know is once I said the name Kingsley, Rose fainted.”
“She fainted?” Aw, hell. What did that mean? Is she okay? Cash said she looked frail. Why? What’s going on? I should call her. She might hang up on me—not that I can blame her, I still regret that stupid letter—but I need to make sure she’s all right.
Cash sets his sandwich down, his expression serious. Scary serious. “You need to know what’s going on, son. Your mom was in the restroom and overheard a few … things, which was semi-confirmed after Rose fainted.”
“Jesus, what is it?” Cash is talking in circles and he’s losing me. I hate it. The panic has grabbed hold of me and isn’t letting go. I feel its fingers sinking deeper and deeper …
“There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just going to be frank.” Cash’s eyes narrow. “We think she’s pregnant.”
Panic has its claws fully embedded in me now. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe. “Are you serious?”
He says nothing, just gives me a tiny nod.
“Pregnant? With my baby?” Of course it’s my baby. Why didn’t she call me? Holy shit, this is all my fault. Those few times we had sex without protection and now she’s paying the ultimate price …
I start to push away from the table, ready to go in search of her, but Cash reaches out, clamping his hand around my wrist and keeping me in place. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I have to find her. I have to talk to her.” My mind is going a hundred miles a second and I’m desperate with the need to see Rose.
“You need a plan, son. You can’t just go after her and, say, burst into her office at Fleur and offer your undying love or whatever the hell. She’s probably mad at you.”
“She should be,” I agree wholeheartedly. “She has every right to be furious with me.”
“Right. So you need to think this through. Make this right. You can’t tell her you want to be with her because she’s going to have your baby,” Cash says.
“Why the fuck not?” That just gives me more reason to want to be with her. She needs me now more than ever and I want to be there for her.
“She’ll think you’re with her because of the baby and for no other reason.”
“But that wouldn’t be true. I love her. I want to be with her.” I blink, absorbing his words. What Cash is saying does make sense …
“What was your plan anyway, huh, kid? You’ve avoided her for the last two months. What exactly were you doing?”
“Straightening out my life. I already told you that.”
“You got that job within a week of your return,” Cash points out.
Less than that. I interviewed on a Monday and was working my first day that Wednesday. “Yeah, but I didn’t know if it was going to stick. I still don’t know if it is. I have another month before Stanton decides to make me a permanent employee,” I say.
Cash makes a frustrated noise. “You’re in. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“And I wanted to get a nice place. I can’t keep staying at your place, Cash.” I’ve been looking for something in Brooklyn, closer to my work.
“Rose has a very nice apartment downtown.”
“Yeah. I know. I wanted to have things on my own merit. I wanted to prove to her that I can be the man she wants. The man she needs. I don’t want to have to rely on her money or anything like that,” I say bitterly.
“I don’t think she’d care as long as she has you.” Cash’s eyes are full of sympathy. “She looked so lost, Caden. Just about as lost as you do. When Cora and I left that party, I told her who Rose was to you.”
“Ah, fuck.” I rub the back of my neck, hating that he said anything to Mom.
“She burst into tears, son, and told me Rose had thrown up in the bathroom when she was in there. And then she fainted … It was your mom who came to the conclusion that she must be pregnant. She cried because she knows that Rose is carrying her grandbaby.”