“Are you still mad at me?” My heart is beating so fast and my leg is bouncing as I wait for her response.
“Do I have a reason to be mad at you?” Her head tilts up and she finally looks me in the eyes. “I don’t think I do.”
I give her a weak smile, but she doesn’t know what I did yet. I might’ve fucked up royally. She might not forgive me once she finds out. “I’m not sure why you and I argue so much, but Grace, if you will just give me a second chance, you’ll see we can be good together. I can give you what you need.”
She stares at me. Silent.
“What do you need?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
“Freedom? Equality? Bossing power?” She smiles at that and my body relaxes even more. “I get that you’re assertive and used to being in control. Calling all the shots for yourself—”
“No, Vaughn. You’re so wrong. That’s not me at all. All this fighting we’ve been doing? That’s so not me. I hate confrontation. I hate arguing. I never stand up for myself. I never make waves. I go along. I give in. I’m weak. I’m a…” She stops and I realize I’m holding my breath, hanging on her every word.
“You’re what?” I prod.
“I’m a… victim.”
“Oh, fuck.” I hold her tight again, bringing her cheek right up against my chest. “You said that the first night we met and if I had known what happened to you, Grace, I swear, I wouldn’t have been so callous with your emotions. You’re not a victim, you’re not weak. You’re a fucking fighter if I ever saw one. You are so strong, you have no idea.”
“I’m not. I’m the weakest link. I’m the one who got them all killed. You don’t know what happened, Vaughn. No one knows what happened.”
Shit. I’m so confused as to how to proceed with her. Do I prod her for answers? Or do I leave it alone? She’s held it in for ten years, is it just my movie-star ego talking when I think I might be the one she can finally confide in? “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
She’s silent for a long time. I let her think. I don’t push. I asked her the question, now she needs to figure out what her answer is. Finally, after what seems like minutes, she makes a decision. “I never told anyone because he said he would come back and kill me if I did.”
“He can’t get you, Grace.” And even as the words come out of my mouth, I know this is a lie. He can get her. He’s proved that today with the message he sent us via Tray. He’s watching very closely. But if Grace won’t open up and tell someone what’s going on, then our chances of finding this sick fuck are gonna be slim. We need to put an end to him, once and for all. “I’m here, OK? I’m going to protect you. No matter what. I’m going to protect you.”
She nestles herself deeper into my embrace, pressing her face to my chest. “I don’t know who he is. He never took off his mask. Not once. Not once did he ever let me see his face.”
“Did he rape you?” She says nothing and the rage is coursing through my veins when she gives her head a small shake. “No?” I ask, to clarify.
“No. He… he said he owned me.”
“What?” My whole body goes still.
“He tried to convince me I was sold to him by my father and brother and the reason he had to kill them was because they went back on the deal. He said I needed to practice how to be a good wife and follow orders. He said I was his. He owned me…”
She keeps talking but I stop listening. I stop listening because those are words that came out of my mouth too. I wanted to possess her. I wanted to own her. I wanted… I want her to be mine.
What must she think of me? Does she imagine I’m like her abductor? “Oh my God, no wonder you hate me. I’m so sorry, Grace. I’m so sorry.”
“I do not hate you, Vaughn. I swear, I know the difference between him and you. I don’t see you like that at all. You’re not him. I know that. You’re not him. You’re nothing like him. You’re my fantasy—”
“Jesus, I’m an asshole. I’m your nightmare, not your fantasy, Grace. I’m everything that went wrong back when you were a girl. I swear”—I cup her face and make her look me in the eyes—“I swear, if I had known, I would’ve never—”
“Touched me?” she asks in her sweet voice. “You would’ve never touched me, would you?”
And I don’t know what to say. I have asked every single sub I’ve ever had if they’ve been abused by a man. And the ones who answer truthfully and tell me yes, I get rid of them immediately. She’s right. I would’ve never touched her if I had known. It would’ve scared the shit out of me. I want to lie to her, tell her that I would’ve been able to see past her answer, but I can’t. I can’t do that to her right now. She needs the truth, no matter what.
“I would not have gone any further with you, no.”
She lets out a long breath of air. “I knew it. That’s why I lied. I wanted you that night. Even though I was fighting you on everything, I wanted you.” She lifts her heavy eyes up to meet mine. “I still want you. But I don’t think we’re ever going to be together.”
“Why?” I interrupt her. “Why can’t you see me as the perfect Vaughn Asher? I mean, I get it, Grace. I’m a huge asshole at times. I’m a dick. I’m a kinky, dominating control freak and that’s the last thing you need. But I have another side to me too. I tried to show you last night, and I thought I did a pretty good job, but now you say you don’t remember any of it. And I’m sorta stuck here, Grace. I’m stuck because we had the perfect night, sweets. We did. It was beautiful, and slow, and filled with moments.”