“But I don’t like it,” I rushed to say. “I hate it, actually. And I have faith that once everything is sorted out and my father is once again in the Underworld where he belongs, that all of the souls that I have taken will be returned to the Underworld where they can live in peace for eternity.”
“How do you choose?” he asked slowly. “How do you decide who will die?”
I hadn’t noticed until now that he had stepped backwards- away from me. The distance felt like a stake in my heart. I gulped. I hated that he had made such a difference in me already. I hated that I cared what he thought.
“I choose people who are about to die anyway,” I murmured. The words welled up painfully on my tongue and I hated to say them. “That way, it doesn’t feel like I am actually ending their lives.”
He stared at me, his hazel eyes pensive. “Like my uncle,” he stated calmly.
I gulped. I had never, in over a thousand years, had been forced to stand in front of a family member and held accountable for killing someone. It was a hideous feeling. The accusation in Brennan’s eyes impaled me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I nodded once, the only movement I was able to make.
From here, I could hear his heartbeat race, louder and harder than it had beat a moment ago. He was frightened. Or upset. Or angry. Maybe all three of those things. And he was silent.
I waited for an uncomfortable moment.
Then another.
Finally I couldn’t stand it.
“Say something,” I pleaded.
“What would you like for me to say?” he asked. “You killed my uncle. I don’t know how I’m supposed to process that. I feel like a traitor because I’m still so drawn to you with this overwhelming attraction. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”
His voice was tight, his hands clenched at his sides. I had never felt so helpless.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I never asked to be… what I am. I pray every night that I will be given my old life back, that my father will be captured and returned to the Underworld.”
He nodded curtly. “That’s part of what makes this so hard. You’re a victim, too.”
He turned away from me and walked to the fireplace, holding his hands out to the warmth. The flames reflected from his eyes, making them seem golden and I flew to his side, grasping his arm.
“Brennan,” I began softly. “Please believe me. I really liked your uncle. He was ready to go. I didn’t hurt him. He didn’t feel a thing. And someday, he will be with his daughter, where he belongs.”
Brennan gazed down at me. “And until then? Until then, where is his soul?”
I averted my gaze. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I have no idea. I think it’s in limbo.”
He looked away, staring once more into the flames. “Empusa, I’m still angry with you for choosing my uncle. But I’m also furious with your father for doing this to you in the first place.”
“But you understand, don’t you, that I had to?” I beseeched him. “I didn’t want to.”
“I understand that, yes,” he nodded. “And I also understand that you can turn it around. All you have to do is stand in front of Hades and he will un-do the curse- which will free you from its grasp and will release all of the souls you’ve taken. I don’t understand why you haven’t done so already.”
When he said it in such a way, it did make me seem like a monster. I was letting my own fears, my own need for survival, interfere with doing what was right for all of the souls that I had taken over the years. It wasn’t that I hadn’t worried about them- it was just that I blocked it out so that the worry didn’t consume me. But it was here now, front and center, and I had to face it.
“I understand what you’re saying,” I acknowledged. “But it’s harder than it sounds. If I make a wrong move, perhaps all of those souls will be lost. I couldn’t bear that, either.”
“Inaction doesn’t accomplish anything, though,” he said solemnly. And I knew he was right.
“I know,” I admitted. “I know. I promise you. I’ll seek my mother tonight in her dreams. I won’t wait for her to come to me. I’ll go to her instead. I’ll try to sort this out and do the right thing. If I do that, can you forgive me?”
He looked at me, his expression both tender and hesitant. “I already forgave you,” he said quietly. “But I can’t help being angry with you. I’ll work through it.”
My heart dropped into my toes. The idea that he was upset with me chilled me to the bone- even as I knew that he couldn’t help what he felt. But he was being so strong about everything that I felt more drawn to him than ever.
“You’re really amazing,” I whispered. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” he said curtly. “Seriously- let’s stop talking about it. Let’s just get some rest and hopefully you can talk to you mother.”
He turned his back and began pulling the covers down on the bed. “You can have the bed,” he said quietly. “I’ll take the floor.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I answered. “We can share the bed. I’m not going to attack you in your sleep.”
“I wasn’t worried about that,” he replied, turning back to me. “We have this attraction between us. And I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t act on it right now. Sleeping together might not be the best idea.”
“Oh, for Heaven’s sake,” I muttered, brushing past him to drop onto the bed and take my shoes off. “We’re adults. We can restrain ourselves, right?”
He didn’t answer.
Glancing up at him, I raised an eyebrow. “Right?”
“I suppose,” he replied, although he didn’t appear convinced. He sighed. “Honestly, I can hardly keep my hands off of you right now and we’re not even in bed yet. What have you done to me?”
I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, Brennan did.
“Let me guess. It’s part of your curse?”
I nodded. “I have characteristics of a Siren. People are drawn to me. You would think it would be a blessing, but it’s not. I can’t become close to anyone because I might kill them. I’ve been very alone for a long time.”
He stared at me for a long moment. I could practically hear the seconds ticking away before he finally sighed raggedly and opened his arms.
“Come here,” he commanded softly.
I didn’t even realize that my feet were moving before I found myself in his embrace. Burying my head against his chest, I inhaled his scent and closed my eyes. If I could, I would stay right here forever. But I couldn’t and I knew that.
Pulling away, I looked up at him and was surprised to find that my eyelashes were wet.
“I know that we haven’t known each other for every long, but I honestly feel like I’ve known you forever- like I’ve always been waiting for you. I promise you right now that I will do whatever I can to fix this. If you can just be patient…” My voice caught in my throat.
He nodded and lowered his lips to mine.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Eight
It was very hard to fall asleep when the son of Apollo was sharing your bed, that much was certain. Because Brennan was gigantic, he took up the majority of our sleeping space. On top of that, his muscled arms and legs were pressed against me, causing me to grit my teeth with pent-up frustration.
Every cell in my body longed to reach out for him, to draw him near. But he was right. We shouldn’t act on that attraction yet… not at this juncture. There were so many things unanswered and convoluted. I sighed and flipped over onto my other side, which of course didn’t make anything better. It only served to press his muscles against my back rather than my side. He was also very, very warm. I wondered if it had anything to do with his father being the god of the sun.
I could tell from his even, slow breathing that he was asleep already, so I tossed a few silent names his way. It was so unfair that men could sleep at anytime, anywhere. I jammed a pillow over my head to block out all semblance of light. If I wasn’t able to sleep, then I couldn’t speak with my mother.
In order to enter someone’s dreams, you had to be asleep yourself. You had to enter sleep with a purpose of transporting yourself into their dream the second that you drifted into sleep. It was an art. And it was an art that was impossible if you weren’t able to sleep in the first place.
I groaned.
“Just relax.” Brennan’s deep voice resonated through the quiet room. “You’re never going to fall asleep if you get frustrated.”
“I thought you were sleeping,” I answered tiredly, rolling back to my other side to look at him.
His eyes were open and he was staring at me, his topaz gaze liquid in the night. He appraised me quietly and even though he didn’t touch me, his stare brushed over my skin as potently as his fingers ever could. The tension between us was palpable, I could practically breathe it in and taste it.
“I was,” he replied huskily. “And now I’m not. You’re restless.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I really don’t mean to keep you up. You need your rest too.”
He opened his arms. “Come here,” he instructed. I stared at him hesitantly.
“I’m not sure that’s a great idea,” I admitted, still eyeing him. He had taken his shirt off and the muscles rippled across his broad chest as he moved. He was Apollo’s son through and through.
He smiled and I felt warmed from head to toe. “I promise I’ll behave,” he said solemnly. I paused a scant second longer before I folded into his arms, leaning my forehead against the warm skin of his chest.
He smelled like heaven and his warmth enveloped me like a blanket. I sighed contentedly.
“Okay. Now relax,” he instructed me again. “Nothing will disturb you. I promise you that.”
He sounded so sure of himself, so brave. He had absolutely no idea of what kind of monsters actually existed out in the world. His mortal mind had never seen true evil. But I had. And I knew that in his current, untrained state, Brennan was no match for any of it. But regardless, I did feel comforted and safe in his strong arms. I would worry about training him tomorrow. Tonight, I would let him hold me.
My eyelids closed and I felt his lips softly graze my temple.
“Sleep well,” he said gently. I snuggled closer to him, absorbing his radiant warmth. Picturing my mother in my mind, I ran her through my consciousness on a loop. Before I knew it, I was drifting off and I found myself standing in a cold, hazy place.
I looked around in confusion.
This wasn’t my mother’s dream. It looked like eternal stark winter here. White fog swirled in cold funnels, while gray sky closed in all around me. Dead, blackened trees dotted the horizon and the wind howled. I shivered, rubbing my arms to warm them. My body heat was being sucked out more and more by the second.
This had to be the Wastelands. I’d heard of it before. It was a place that existed between reality and the subconscious. The Fates, the three sisters who used to control destiny, had used this place as a punishment for those who dared go against them. The Fates took their emotions and their souls…and left them here.