When finally I look up, Jake is watching me. His expression is fathomless. His golden eyes search mine for several long seconds before he starts to nod slowly. “How would you feel about a camping trip this weekend?”
I grin. It’s like a stay of execution, this invitation. I love the thought of spending more time with him, especially out away from the world. Something secluded like a camping trip sounds wonderful.
“Sounds like fun.” I try for a mild answer, which I’m sure is belied by my bright smile.
“That way we can be gone on Sunday, too. I know how much it bothers you not to be going to church.”
My heart melts a little at his thoughtfulness. I had told him that very first Sunday that I stayed here that I felt guilty, that any time I was in town, I attended my father’s church on Sunday. At the time, Jake made no comment, but now I know he heard. And it means the world, not only that he listened, but that he cares enough about me to be mindful of my comfort.
Don’t read too much into it, Laney, I caution myself, but I know it’s too late. It’s just another little thing that I’ll dwell on, wondering if it means he has deeper feelings for me.
I shrug. “It’s not that big a deal.”
Jake is quiet for a few seconds before he speaks again. He clears his throat. “You know, if you want to go, you can. And if you need me to go with you, I would do that.”
I would give anything to be able to control the gush of tears that floods my eyes. But I can’t. Before I know it, my eyes are burning and Jake is blurry. Quickly, I look down at my plate, but I know I wasn’t fast enough.
I hear the scrape of wood against wood as Jake pushes his bar stool away from the island. I don’t bother to look up. I don’t want him to see the pain in them now, behind the tears. I knew this would be too much for him. Too emotional. Too . . . real.
But, much to my surprise, Jake rounds the island and comes to my side to turn me around on my stool. I keep my head down, but, with a finger under my chin, he lifts my face until I’m looking into his eyes.
“It’s all right that it bothers you. It should. Your father is a good man. Misguided at times, but I think his intentions are good. He loves you. That much is obvious.” I blink and tears spill down my cheeks, unchecked. Jake’s eyes follow one all the way down to my jaw where he brushes it away with the backs of his fingers. “You’re lucky to have him. I’d have given anything for my father to feel that way about me.”
For just a few seconds, the real Jake, the one behind the tough guy, peers back at me from somewhere inside those guarded amber eyes. I want so much to talk to him, but I know better than to try. I know better than to ask any questions. No matter how much I want to know, I’m well aware that there are some things Jake won’t tell me until he’s good and ready. Which he may never be. But I know enough. Somehow, his father hurt him. Badly. And Jake has never gotten over it. That much is clear.
“Anyone would be a fool not to love you,” I blurt, caught up in the moment, in the haunted look that’s in his eyes. When I realize what I said, I feel a moment of sheer panic. But then Jake smiles, and I mentally exhale.
His expression is wry when he says, simply, “Thank you, but you don’t know me as well as he did. He had his reasons.”
As I watch, the curtain falls back into place and, just like that, tender, broken Jake is gone, replaced once more by the person who pretends to feel nothing. Who wants to feel nothing.
“But I want to know you, Jake,” I confess candidly, and not for the first time.
“I know you do. But I also know what I’m saving you from. Trust me, it’s for the best.”
With that, he kisses my forehead and backs away. “How about we divide and conquer? I know you’ve got some work to do, but do you think you’d have time for a quick trip to the store? If you can get that, I’ll have everything else ready and we can leave after lunch tomorrow.”
Back to business as usual.
I hide my sigh behind a sniff.
“Sure. Just tell me what to get.”
“I’ll text you a list. First, though, I need a shower.” He gives me a casual smile, a peck on the lips and then he turns to walk away. Jake has an enviable way of just moving on, not dwelling on things he can’t control. He can’t fix the past so he doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to think about it. He just . . . moves on. Some might call that hiding, but Jake’s no coward. I think this is just his way of conquering it. By not letting it conquer him.
While I admire his determination, it still makes me feel so sad. “Okay. I’m heading to the office,” I say with a smile. We now refer to the dining room as my office.
Jake tosses me a wink and takes the stairs two at a time. I don’t move on nearly so quickly.
* * *
True to his word, my phone chirps about an hour later. It’s a text from Jake. A list of things to get from the grocery store. As I’m scrolling through it, my phone rings and startles the crap out of me. When I finish fumbling to keep from dropping it, I see that it’s Tori.
Again.
She’s called me at least a dozen times in the last week. It’s not that I don’t want to hear what she has to say. Well, I don’t, but now I feel a little more willing to. She’s been my best friend for a lot of years. The least I can do is listen to her.
No, one of the biggest reasons I don’t want to talk to her is that I feel like Jake and I are living in a bubble, one that could pop at any moment. And I want to enjoy every second of it while I can. I don’t want anyone intruding on our time together. Tori included.
I hit the red button to decline the call and set my phone back on the table.
Maybe later. Right now, I’m going to the store. I don’t really have time to talk to her.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
After running a brush through my hair and putting on some lightly tinted lip gloss, I text Jake that I’m leaving and head for my car. He’s out in the orchard. Somewhere.
It only takes me about fifteen minutes to get to the one and only grocery store in Greenfield. I look at the clock when I pull into a parking spot in the lot. Two forty on a Thursday afternoon. I shouldn’t be running into anyone I know at such an odd time.
I grab a buggy and pull up Jake’s list on my phone. I start in the produce section. For having such a hellion reputation around town for most of his life, he sure does practice mostly clean living. He drinks a beer or two on occasion, but mostly drinks water and eats healthy foods. He runs almost every day and he stays active. He doesn’t smoke or do drugs. He’s in outstanding physical condition, something I can personally attest to, and I can’t think of one thing I’d change about him.
Unless it was that he’d fall in love with me . . .
I mutter to myself all the way through the fruit, chastising my stupid, stupid emotional self for going there. I’m not even sure that’s what I’d want.
The hell you’re not!
I have to smile when the thought pops up. It sounds in my head like Jake would say it in real life. Same tone, same kind of expression. Same . . . Jake.
I sigh. I think it’s safe to say that, no matter my intentions or how hard I tried not to let it happen, Jake got under my skin.
“Just how the hell long are you gonna ignore me?”
I jump when Tori’s furious voice barks from behind me. I was so lost in thought, I didn’t even hear her approach me.
I sigh again.
“Tori, I just didn’t want to get into it yet. Can’t you give me some space?”
“Space?” my oldest friend says, her bright blue eyes flashing and her very ample bosom heaving. With her long blond hair thrown over one shoulder and her chin lifted in defiance, she looks like the cover of a magazine. “I’ve seen you once all summer. The only bigger space than that is death!”
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
Tori’s lip pooches out in a pout. “You’re making me dramatic. What do I have to do to get through to you? All I want is for you to hear me out.”
I knew it was coming. I had just hoped to avoid it a little while longer. “Fine. You talk, I’ll shop.”
“Really? I’ve been your best friend since the womb and I get half your attention while you shop?”
I grit my teeth. This is really unhandy.
“All right, then let’s go to the café and have a cup of coffee.”
“The coffee here sucks,” Tori says with a curl of her lip.
“Tori! Not the point.”
“Right, right, right,” she says, shaking her head like she’s clearing it. “Okay, that’s fine.”
I turn the buggy around and head back toward the front of the store and the little lunch-area-slash-café that dominates one side of the building, just past the pharmacy. “How’d you find me, anyway?”
“I saw you pull in. In a town this small, it’s a miracle you’ve been able to avoid me this long.”
“I’m guessing you haven’t talked to Mom or Dad then?”
She looks at me like I’ve completely lost my mind. “Hell no! Are you nuts? And get the lecture of a lifetime on what a devil-worshippin’ skank I am? I think not.”
“What-ever! You know my parents would never say any such thing. And to be honest, they don’t even know what happened. I haven’t, uh, I haven’t told them yet.”
“Really? So they have no clue why you dumped Shane?”
I shake my head.
“Well, I’m gonna be honest. That doesn’t bother me one bit. I’d rather they not hate me until you’ve heard the whole story.”
I make no comment. I just keep steering the cart toward the café until I find an empty booth to park it beside. I throw my purse in first and slide into one side of the booth. After I’m situated, I take a deep breath and fold my arms on the table in front of me, lacing my fingers together.
“Stop that!” Tori blurts.
“Stop what?”
“Stop doing that. You look like you’re just biding your time until you hand down my death sentence.”
“I’m not your judge, Tori. God is.”
“Thank goodness for that. At least He knows what I was trying to do.”
Even though the wound from the whole episode has gone practically numb (no doubt thanks to the attentions of one Jake Theopolis), it still irks me to remember finding her in bed with Shane. And that she’s now going to sit here and try to explain it away.
Whatever, I think with an internal roll of my eyes. It’ll all be over soon enough.
“So, say what you need to. I’ve got some shopping to do.”
Tori gives me a withering look, but says nothing. After a few seconds, she sits up straighter in her seat and clears her throat.
“Okay, let me just remind you that it’s me who’s been telling you for over two years now that something’s not right with Shane. I told you, he’s a hound dog in sheep’s clothing.”
My laugh is bitter. “Thank you for so kindly showing me that you were right.”
Tori slumps forward and reaches out to cover my hands with hers. “You needed to see it, Laney. You needed to see it to believe it. Before you married that jackhole. No matter what I told you, you always believed in him. And that’s great. Until the person you have so much faith in isn’t worth it anymore.” She pauses, as if to let her words sink in before she continues. “Laney, I love you. I would never, never, never do that to you. If you’ll remember, I knew you were going to Shane’s early. You texted me that morning to say that your pedicure had been cancelled and that you were going to surprise Shane.”
“Yeah, but even you wouldn’t have expected me that early. I didn’t tell anyone that I cancelled my dentist appointment, too.”
“Do you really think I’d be stupid enough to risk it, though? Really, Laney?”
Tori looks so sincere. So desperate for me to believe her. And for the first time since it happened, I begin to feel a little niggle of doubt. Could she be telling the truth?
“Okay then, just for the sake of argument, tell me what happened. Exactly.”
Tori takes a deep breath. “Okay, here goes. So, for a while now, I’d been getting the feeling that Shane was coming on to me. Just a little comment here and there, a little flirting when you weren’t in the room, casual ‘bumps,’ things like that. But one day about a month ago, I had gone to his place, thinking you’d be there, but you weren’t. He said you’d be back shortly and that I could wait. So I did. Well, he asked if I wanted a beer and, you know me, I said yes. So he brought us both a beer and he sat down on the couch beside me.
“We chatted about random things. He asked me about school, I asked him about work. You know, all that boring shit. Things didn’t used to be that strained between us. You knew I always liked Shane. Well, at first I did. Anyway, I finished my beer and asked if I could have another. He said, ‘Sure. Help yourself.’ So I did. It was when I was in the kitchen at the fridge that he came up behind me. I turned around so fast I just about fell into the butter, he scared me so bad. And then he kissed me. Just like that. Like he thought that was okay.”
When she pauses, I wait for her to continue, but she doesn’t. “So what did you do?”
“Nothing. When he leaned back, I told him I had to go. So I grabbed my shit and I left.”
“And that’s it?”
“I was freaked out, Laney! Wouldn’t you have been? I mean, imagine what kind of position that put me in. Yes, I’d been warning you about him, but to say he tried to kiss me would only make you think badly of me, which is really sad but true.”