I can't remember the last time I was nervous about anything.
Monday morning, I arrive to the diner five minutes earlier than usual. My thoughts are going wild with anticipation. I experienced the tremble in Claudia's hands yesterday and saw the way she looked at me when she left. I don't think she was aware of either.
Her lingering gaze held the same sentiment I've given Brianna on more than one occasional: regret stemming from the wish we could be while knowing it's not possible.
Maybe I moved too quickly in kissing her, but I couldn't help it. Claudia is beautiful, and in that moment, the vulnerability in her features hit me as hard as an explosion rocking my HUMVEE when I was overseas. I needed to help her lift the fear for a moment, to give her a sense of relief. To an extent, I think I did that. We had a great time yesterday, and her smiles and laughter were as genuine as Todd's.
But I'm pretty sure the kiss will end up being a setback.
It's a shame. I care about her. A lot. I guess this saves me from being embarrassed when she reacts to my leg the way Brianna did.
Claudia arrives on schedule and meets my gaze with a smile. I catch her troubled expression when she turns away, and my chest tightens. When she approaches the table with my usual, I wait for her to say something about never wanting to see me again.
"Thank you for yesterday," she starts.
"Not a problem. I'm glad you all had fun."
"We did."
I plunge forward, knowing there's one way to determine where we stand. "You, uh, want to go to dinner at some point this week?"
She hesitates. I see the answer in her face. "Petr …" She clears her throat, distraught. The tremor in her tone disturbs me at a primal level. "I have to fix something before I can move forward with my life. I want you to ask me again tomorrow."
"I will," I respond. "I'll ask you every day until you say yes."
She appears doubtful as she studies me. "I hope so."
"You okay with me stealing Todd away still?" I take her hand, unable to bear the distance between us or the pain in her gaze.
"As long as it's not a problem. I don't want to be a burden."
"Never."
"Thank you." She looks at our clasped hands and squeezes mine briefly before pulling away. Without another word, Claudia leaves.
I barely know her, and I've only kissed her once. Why is this whole situation hurting so much?