Logan flexes his fingertips, squeezing them into a fist over and over. He looks like he could choke the life out of Trip with his bare hands.
Logan looks at my dad, his eyes open in mock disbelief. “You didn’t tell her, Mr. Madison?”
“Hadn’t had a chance yet,” Dad says, but he’s smiling. “Guess now’s as good a time as any.” He motions for Trip to continue.
“Your dad is moving me out here temporarily. He didn’t like the idea of you being in the city all alone.” Trip looks at my dad as though he needs reassurance. Dad nods. Trip grins and acts like he’s going to hug me again, but Logan places a hand on his chest. Trip looks down his nose at Logan, like he just smelled something bad. “Who the hell are you?” he asks. He takes in the way that I’m holding onto Logan’s arm with all my might, and he drops his jaw for a second. He lets out a quivery breath. “This is him?” he asks the room. “This is the guy?” Then he laughs out loud.
Logan’s arm flexes beneath my hand. I squeeze it tightly, digging my fingernails into his skin to get his attention. He looks at me, finally, and I stare directly into his eyes and mouth the words I love you.
He nods ever so slightly, and the tension in his body eases a bit.
“So you’re moving to New York?” I ask Trip.
He looks at my father, who nods. “Isn’t it great?” he gushes. “Mr. Madison wants me to head up the New York office.”
I look at my dad, watching his face. “We have a New York office?”
He smiles. “We do now.”
“Congratulate me, Em!” Trip cries. “Aren’t you even the tiniest bit happy to see me?” He’s practically giddy, and it’s rather nauseating.
“Oh, Ralph,” my mother breathes as she finally realizes what’s happening. “You didn’t.” She buries her face in her hands and groans. She glances up at me. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” She looks at Logan with an apology on her face.
I have a feeling things are about to get worse. My gut clenches in anticipation, and my pulse starts to hammer.
“Why don’t we have a seat?” Dad says. He points toward the couch for my mom, and Trip falls into a chair across the room. I shove Logan in the hip until he drops into a chair, too, and I sit down on the edge of it. He wraps his arm around my bottom, his hand settling on my hip. Both my dad and Trip frown when they see it. I cover his hand with mine to hold him there.
“What’s going on, Dad?” I ask. I look at Trip. He’s grinning. “Why are you here, Trip?”
Trip stands up quickly and claps his hands together. “I’m your new roomie!” he cries.
Logan’s hand tightens on my waist, and I look down at him, holding up one finger to ask him for patience. “I don’t have a roommate,” I say. “Nor do I want one.”
“I can’t believe you did this, Ralph,” my mother says. She jumps to her feet. “I can’t believe you did this without talking to me.”
The room quiets, my mom’s heels clicking against the floor as she paces the only sound in the room.
“I don’t want you to be in the city all alone,” Dad says to me. He looks much too pleased with himself. “And then we realized Trip would be coming to New York, and we thought it would help both of you out. You have two bedrooms after all. And now you won’t have to be alone.”
“I wasn’t going to be alone,” I start. But Logan squeezes my hip. I stop talking.
My dad’s brow furrows. “What exactly do you mean, Emily?” he asks.
“I—” I stop, not knowing how to continue. “I—” I close my mouth again. “Never mind,” I mutter.
“New York is a dangerous place, Em,” Trip says. He’s still smiling. Like a used car salesman. Or a shark, right before it takes a big bite out of an unsuspecting swimmer. He looks at Logan as though he’s confirmation of the danger in the city. “You never know what kind of people you might run into.”
I roll my eyes toward the ceiling and count to ten.
Logan is quiet. A little too quiet. He’s strung tighter than my guitar strings. “You okay?” I ask. I sign while I talk.
Trip smacks himself in the forehead with his open palm. “Oh my God,” he cries. “I completely forgot about your impairment!” He says the next few words, punctuating each one with a pause. “Do. You. Need. For. Us. To. Talk. Slowly?”
“I can keep up,” Logan says. “But thank you for the offer.”
“Just. Let. Us. Know. If. We. Need. To. Talk. Slower.” Trip smiles, and I want to punch him in the face.
Logan lifts his head, a smile I know he doesn’t feel tilting the corners of his lips. “Thanks.”
“Dad,” I begin. “Trip can’t stay here.”
Dad looks at Trip, and the mock confusion on each of their faces mirrors the other. “Why not?” Trip asks.
Dad points toward the open bedroom door. “You have two bedrooms. And plenty of space.” He narrows his eyes at me. “You, yourself, told me that you two were still friends when you came home. Is that not the case?”
He’s playing dumb. I know my father. And I know when he does and does not understand something. He understands all too well. “Trip’s my ex-boyfriend, Dad. You don’t think that will be a little bit awkward?”
Dad waves a breezy hand in the air. “It doesn’t have to be. You two can come and go as you please. And I’ll feel better about being on the other side of the country if he’s here with you.”
“He can’t stay here.” I’m putting my foot down. I won’t allow this to happen. “I’ll leave, Dad. I swear to God, if you try to make me do this, I’ll disappear again.”
Dad sits back, looking smug. “You know, I got a call from Matt’s doctor the other day.” Dad stares direct at Logan. “They said your brother is ready for phase two of the treatment. And they asked if I would be providing the funds.”
Logan’s arm falls from around my waist, and he lumbers to his feet very slowly. He looks down at me and presses a finger to my lips. His finger trembles. “Mr. Madison,” he says. He nods at my dad, and then at my mom. “Mrs. Madison. It was wonderful to meet you. I will say good-bye now.” He starts toward the door. “And as far as the treatment is concerned, if Emily’s freedom is the price, you can take your money and shove it up your ass.” He stops at the door. I’m latched onto his arm like a Velcro monkey.“Please don’t walk out,” I beg. “Not like this. I can fix this.”
He peels me off of his arm. “I know you can.” He kisses my forehead, his lips lingering there as he breathes in deeply, his eyes closed. Then he pushes me back from him. “I need to go,” he says. His voice is hoarse. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“I’m going to deal with this, and then I’ll come find you. I promise.”
He nods. Then he steps out the door and closes it softly behind him. There’s a thud on the other side of the wall and I know Logan waited until he got outside to smash something.
“Good riddance,” Trip says, brushing his hands together like he’s wiping dust from them.
Logan
I plump a woman’s breast in my hand, imagining how the tattoo she wants across the top of it will sag in twenty years. “I don’t think this is the best place,” I say. I’m wearing gloves, and I’m behind the curtain at the back of the shop, which is where all the private tattoos are done. I tried to talk Paul, my oldest brother, into doing this one, but he didn’t have time. His daughter, Hayley, is with a sitter, and he has to go and pick her up. I volunteered to go instead, but he laughed, shook his head, and walked out.
I plump the woman’s breast again. I made her put pasties over her ni**les before I would even touch her. So it’s not like this is a sexual thing. For me. It is for her, apparently since she reaches for my belt buckle, and I brush her hands away, lifting my knee to block her. I don’t need this. I pass her shirt to her. “Put this on, please.”
Her lower lip juts out in an expression she probably thinks is sexy. I just think it’s pathetic. “You used to be so much more fun,” she pouts.
Yeah, back then I wasn’t in love with a woman I couldn’t have.
I’m still smarting over her father’s plan to move Trip in with her. The as**ole hadn’t even introduced himself to me. All he did was patronize me as though I’m stupid.
Are. You. An. Ass? Yes. You. Are. An. Ass.
But he is an ass who is now living with my girl.
The curtain shakes. It’s how people ask me for permission to enter in the private area of the shop. I call out, “Come on back.” Emily pops her head around the curtain. You busy? she asks, signing to me. I like it when she does that.
Despite what happened earlier, I’m so f**king happy to see her. She walks across the room slowly and then kisses me softly. I want to linger over her lips all day and all night. Never too busy for you. I’m glad the woman on the table has her shirt back on.
“What about me?” my so-called customer asks.
“I think you should put the tattoo on your side. Or below your breast, rather than at the top,” I suggest.
She shimmies her unbound boobs at me under her shirt. “Are they too big for a tattoo?”
I’ve seen it a million times. After a few years and a couple of kids, her boobs will be looking down at her belly button. That’s not a bad thing—all women are beautiful—it’s just bad for tattoos.
“I think it would maintain better if we put it below your breast. It’s for your boyfriend, right?” I look down at the tattoo. It’s a man’s name. She nods. Poor schmuck might have no idea she’s a whore who would do me as fast as I could blink. I’m going to run it really lightly because I have a feeling she’s going to be covering it up before long.
She nods, and I get out my equipment. “Can you wait for me to finish?” I ask Emily.
Emily and I have to talk. I have to find out what happened today after I left. I couldn’t sit there. I just couldn’t. Not while her father held Matt’s treatment over her head again. Had she consulted me I probably wouldn’t have let her do it the first time, and I’ll be f**ked sideways before I let her do it again. She’s not cattle that can be traded. She’s a f**king person, and I love her to death.
“I can wait,” she says. She goes out to sit with Friday, the girl who runs the front of the shop, while I work on the tattoo, and a half hour later, she’s laughing at something Friday is saying as I walk out with the newly tattooed girl. Emily looks up at me, blinking her pretty brown eyes. I have missed her so much, and I’m so glad she’s back. But I’m a little apprehensive.
The girl goes to pay Friday and slips her number in my pocket as she strolls by me. I toss it into the wastebasket after she’s gone. Emily’s eyebrows go up. “Should I be worried?” she asks, but she’s grinning.
I don’t feel like grinning. “Should I be?” I toss back. I motion for her to follow me to the back of the shop. She lets me help her to her feet and follows me.
“Are you done for the day?” she asks as I clean up my supplies.
I nod. “What happened after I left?”
She sobers. Her gaze skitters around. Fuck. That’s not good. “Not much,” she hedges, wincing.
I tip her chin up with my finger and force her to look at me. “I won’t let you trade yourself for Matt’s treatment again.”
She waves a breezy hand in the air. “Don’t worry about that. My mother told him she would pay for it herself if it came down to it. She loves you already.” She grins at me. “Something about those tall, tatted white boys. Older women love them.”
A laugh bursts out of my throat. Emily grins, but then she winces again.
“Tell me,” I coax. “It can’t be worse than what I’ve been imagining all day.”
“Trip’s going to stay at my place while he looks for an apartment of his own.” She waits for me to react. I draw in a deep breath, trying not to. “Are you angry?”
I set her back from me. “Are you f**king kidding me?” I ask. I’m so angry that I can barely see straight. She takes a step back from me, and I realize she’s never really seen me angry. She saw me irritated at the diner when she asked me about f**king someone else. She’s seen me cry. She’s seen me hurt, like when we thought Matt was going to die. But she’s never really seen me angry. I work to soften my stance. “I’m angry at them. And if I ever have to see Trip again I’ll probably flatten him.”
“Can I watch?” she asks. But she’s grinning. “See, here’s the thing,” she says hesitantly. “While Trip’s looking for a place to stay, I was hoping maybe you would let me stay at your apartment.” She holds her breath, waiting for my response.
“Are you f**king kidding me?” I ask again. But this time I wrap my arms around her while I do it and spin her around. She giggles against me, and I can feel the movement of it in her belly. She doesn’t try to push me away the way she did with Trip earlier when he tried this move on her. Of course, he wasn’t the happiest man in the whole f**king world when he did it. I guess that matters.
“Of course you can stay with me.” I tweak her nose. “Silly woman.”
I want her with me every minute of every day.
“Your brothers won’t mind?” she asks.