“I’d invite you to come with us but my mama’s house is so tiny. Only two bedrooms and she makes Gabe sleep on the couch,” Lucy says, the disappointment clear in her voice. Then she brightens. “Tristan, you should invite her to your parents’ place.”
Panic clutches at my heart, puts it in a stranglehold. I don’t want her around my parents. Bringing her with me not only says this is serious business but shit. My parents suck. I don’t want her meeting them and thinking, is this how Tristan will be later on in life?
Gotta play this off and quick.
I laugh but it’s halfhearted at best. “What and torture her? I don’t think so,” I mutter, shaking my head.
Lucy glares. Gabe sends me a, you’re a dumbass look. But hell, that’s the truth. She doesn’t need to go to my fucked up holiday dinner where Mom won’t make turkey because it’s fattening and Dad might never show up at the table because he’s too busy working. I’m trying to reel this girl in not drive her away.
“It’s okay,” Alexandria says, offering a timid smile. “I’m probably going to dinner at Steven’s house anyway.”
“Wait, what?” I turn to look at her, trying to tamp down the irritation that rises within me at hearing that jackass’s name. “You’re going to Thanksgiving dinner at Steven’s house?”
She shrugs. “His parents don’t live too far. Kelli and I are going with him. He didn’t want us to be alone.”
How did he know she was going to be alone for the holidays when I didn’t? How often is she talking to this guy? I think he’s over at her house every day. He has the perfect excuse since he’s friends with her roommates and now supposedly trying to move in on Kelli. But who knows if that’s for real.
I don’t like him spending so much time with Alexandria. At all. But how can I protest without looking like a jealous asshole? I can’t. So I’m stuck.
“He was just being nice,” Alexandria adds softly, only for me to hear. Her hand rests on my thigh. She gives it a squeeze and normally I’d be all for this. Her hand is on my thigh, nice and close to my dick, why wouldn’t I like it? But I’m irritated.
That guy Steven is always just being nice. They might’ve agreed that they’re better off as friends but why do I get the distinct feeling he’s waiting in the wings, ready to sink his claws into Alexandria as soon as he gets a second chance? What if he thinks she’s just getting me out of her system? Good girls are drawn to guys like me. I’d have to be blind not to see it.
I definitely see it. And in the past, I always took advantage of it. Good girls looking to break out and be bad. I was always a willing partner. Is Alexandria one of those types? I’m kind of thinking yes. But am I something to work through before she ends up with a nice guy who will offer her stability and snuggling on a Saturday night? Like stupid ass Steven?
The idea of her being with another guy—or worse, going back to Steven—tears me up inside. What the hell does that mean?
I’m almost too scared to explore the possibilities.
“You’re not…” I press my lips together, keep my eyes focused on the road before me. I’m so damn uncomfortable I feel like squirming in my seat but I keep myself contained. Worse, I don’t know exactly what to say, how to approach Alexandria without sounding like a complete wuss.
So I decide to not say anything at all.
“I’m not what?” she asks.
Damn it. Guess she heard that.
I glance in her direction quickly, not wanting to lose focus as I drive. The weather yet again is shit—all that talk of an El Nino weather system coming through the west coast for the season is proving to be correct. A torrential downpour had unloaded while we were in the restaurant with Lucy and Gabe. Now the rain fell in a slow but steady rhythm, just enough to screw with my vision and make the streets slick and extra dangerous.
She’s been quiet since we left the restaurant and it’s making me anxious. Oh, she was nice to Gabe and Lucy as we said our goodbyes, giving them both hugs and thanking them for inviting her to dinner. I’d been the one to invite her but I get it. She’s polite. Trying to make a good impression on my friends. Hoping she’ll stick around and see them again—which she will, considering she’s friends with Kelli and Jade.
This sort of thing should send me into a panic. First, I don’t want to lead a woman on and make her think she has a chance. No one has ever had a chance with me before.
Hell, I’m not even sure if Alexandria has a chance. I’m still in the exploring stages.
Second, the fact that I’m giving her this particular chance, when it could all go to shit and I still have to face her later on down the line? Insane. Again, not like me. I keep girls at a distance. I can fuck around all I want but the minute they want to see me again, want to call me, text me, hang out with their friends, meet them at a bar, get together for dinner—that’s a big fat no.
So why is Alexandria different? What makes her rise above the rest? And why the hell haven’t I fucked her yet? I haven’t put my hand down her panties. She hasn’t given me a blowjob, a hand job, nothing. Hell, I’ve barely kissed her. This is freaking unheard of.
Worse, is how worried I am right now. The minute we got into my car she went silent. I feel like I might’ve done something wrong. Somehow, I fucked this up. Girls give the silent treatment when they’re mad, when they don’t get their way, whatever. I think I did something bad and I’m at a loss as how to fix it.
Normally I don’t care enough to want to fix it. This entire situation is foreign and uncomfortable and I don’t fucking like it.
“So you’re really going to Steven’s house for Thanksgiving?” I ask.
She doesn’t even look at me, just keeps her head averted as she stares out the window. “He invited me. I had nothing else going on. So yeah. I am.”
I’m dying to know exactly why she doesn’t have anything else going on. Where are her parents? Do they live far away? I don’t even know where she’s from. I never cared enough to ask before and I’m treating Alexandria like I treat every other girl who walks into my life.
Meaning, I’m a callous asshole. And I hate that. It never bothered me before but…shit.
“Do you still like him?” I sound like an insecure jackass.
She sends me a withering look. “Only as a friend.”
“Really?” Stop, dude. Stop while you’re ahead.
“I’m here with you, aren’t I?”
We both go silent. She resumes staring out the window. I resume overthinking every little word and gesture she makes. A little sigh escapes her, the sound downright melancholy and that’s it. I can’t take it.
“Are you mad at me or something?” I blurt out. My lips go tight again and I inwardly curse at how fucking lame I sound. I have never been the type to ask a girl if she’s angry with me. I could care less. I usually hope they are mad because that means I don’t have to deal with them anymore.
She sighs again, another soft, sad sound that makes my chest ache. “I’m not mad. I’m just…it’s hard to explain.”
Hell, now I feel worse. What does she mean? “Did I—do something?”