Or, at least, until they either froze to death or Eidolon found them and killed Con. “I’ve always been quiet during sex,” she murmured.
“Sweetheart, you just defined the term ‘screaming orgasm.’ ” He felt her smile against his skin, but he couldn’t find anything amusing about it. This was just one more example of how he’d broken through her shell, and probably not for the better. And wasn’t he a massive ball of indecision? Because he couldn’t decide if it was best for her to feel again or not. She needed to be happy, to have a family. But she also needed to protect herself.
He sighed, and Sin joined him. “I know,” she murmured. “We need to get back to the cabin.” “I’d give anything to be able to make love to you without worrying about what’s next,” he said, kissing her neck lightly. “To just lounge around and do nothing but touch you. Feed you. Watch movies.”
She chuckled. “Sounds so normal. I wouldn’t know what to do.” She lifted her head, stared into his eyes, and her smile faltered. “What if… What if I could get out of my commitment to the Assassin’s Guild?”
Grief hollowed out his chest, turning it into a bottomless pit as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. Even if she could get out of it, he couldn’t get out of his own obligations. And he definitely couldn’t risk hurting or even killing Sin. “Don’t. Let’s not go there.”
She nipped the pad of his finger. “Come visit me. You can come to the den—”
“Sin…”
“Please.” The strain in her voice matched the pain in her eyes. “I’m not… I’m not ready to give you up.”
God, his heart broke wide open, and he heard himself reply with a serious disconnect between his mouth and his brain. “Yeah, I’ll go to you,” he said.
But it was a lie.
Twenty-one
The emergency department was in chaos when Con stepped out of the Harrowgate, leaving Sin inside, her lips swollen from his good-bye kiss.
Don’t think about it. Not thinking about it actually turned out to be easy, given the crazy medical situation. The injured wargs from the battle in Canada had been triaged, were lying around the emergency department on stretchers and on the floor, lined up all the way down the two hallways leading from the area.
Con immediately jumped in to help, and it was nearly four hours before the situation was under control. He spent the next hour with Bastien, doing what he could to comfort the warg until Con called time of death. Afterward, Sin’s brothers, Tayla, and Luc joined him in the waiting area.
“Where’s Sin?” Shade asked as he stripped off his bloody surgical gloves.
Con’s own gloves got tossed in the trash, and man, he couldn’t wait to get in the shower. “On her way to the den.”
Eidolon swore. “I thought you were going to talk her out of that. She didn’t need to go back there. She’d be safe here.”
Unbelievably, Lore came to Con’s defense. “She’s better off there. She needs to get back to normal.” Normal. What a f**king joke that was. Her normal was pain and isolation. And meaningless sex. Probably with that Lycus guy. Jealousy expanded in Con’s chest as an inappropriate blast of heat curled through his veins. There had been nothing meaningless about what he and Sin had done at the mountain safe house. Or in the snow. Every cell in his body vibrated with hunger for her, both for her body and her blood, and just thinking about it was revving him up again.
“What about you, Con?” Shade asked, and Con took two deep, calming breaths before he answered. “What about me?”
“You aren’t a danger to her, right?”
“No,” Con said levelly. “I’m not.” But even he didn’t believe his own words.
Wraith flipped a blade in the air, a very Sin-like move. “Okay, what the f**k is all the subtext here?” He blinked when everyone stared at him. “What? Like I don’t know what subtext is? I watch movies.”
“That’s because you can’t read,” Tayla said brightly, and the demon shot her the finger. One on each hand.
E and Lore returned their focus to Con with varying expressions of confusion, and Shade looked like he might want to rip Con’s throat out. Yeah, Con’s secret was about to be revealed. “Male dhampires are prone to blood addiction if they feed off the same female host more than a few times,” Shade said. “Isn’t that right, Con?”
Eidolon swore under his breath. “How did I not know that?”
“Ever had to chain up a female dhampire and, ah, coax out her deepest, darkest secrets?” Shade asked, every word laced with dark sarcasm. “Well, that’s why.”
Con’s entire body jerked with surprise. “You tortured a dhampire?”
“Trust me, she didn’t get anything she didn’t want.” Shadows writhed in Shade’s eyes as he locked them on Con, as if daring him to challenge him.
“There were things Shade had to do before he met Runa,” Eidolon said quietly. “So let’s drop it.” Damn. Con had seen Shade’s little BDSM cave hideaway once, but it hadn’t occurred to him that Shade had used it for anything other than pleasure. And what did E mean by “had to”? Con wondered what other information Shade had gotten from the dhampire female.
“So?” Shade asked. “Are you a danger to our sister?” Con struggled to keep his voice level, to convince these guys that he was no threat to her. To convince himself. But the image of her being with other males was making his blood boil and his temper flare.
And he was… hungry.
“I am not a danger,” he swore. “I’m never going to see her again.”
Lore’s gloved hand worked into a fist at his side, something Con had noticed he did when he was agitated. “Why not?”
“I’m quitting Underworld General as of now, and after I take care of a few things, I’m going back to my clan’s lands in Scotland.” “Ah… does Sin know?”
“No.”
“Fuuuck.” Lore scrubbed that gloved hand over his face, looking suddenly worn out.
“You son of a bitch,” Tayla snapped, her green eyes blazing. “She cares about you. And you’re going to slink away without telling her?”
“Yeah, it’s a dick move,” he said. “But I can’t see her again, Tayla. I’m already too close—” “Fuck that. You could have told her. You could have warned her.” When Eidolon slung an arm around her shoulder, she softened against him, but it was obvious she still wanted a piece of Con. Shit. He didn’t know why he’d lied to Sin, except that he didn’t want to hurt her after they’d just had mind-blowing sex that had actually meant something. He was such an a**hole.
“Are you coming back?” Luc asked.
“No. Come tomorrow night, a ritual will bind me, as a Council member, to the land and the clan. I won’t be able to leave except for short periods.”
“That sucks.” Luc’s voice was gruff. “Bad.” “It’s what I’ve wanted all my life,” Con said, but his voice was hollow, wooden. Because no, he didn’t want this anymore. And truthfully, he wasn’t sure he ever had. His rebellion against the clan had started early, peaking with his edgy, idiotic flirt-game with addiction that had ended so badly for Eleanor and had gotten him kicked out of the clan. He’d lived off the chain ever since, leaving smoke behind him as he burned a path of death wish.
“If you change your mind,” Shade said, “we’d like you back.”
Con swallowed. For how long had he told himself the job was temporary, that eventually, he’d move on, because that’s what he always did? But now, hell, these people felt like family, and the hospital like home.
“I’ll remember that,” he rasped.
Lore looked down at the floor, and when he glanced back up, his expression was almost… friendly. “Are you sure there’s nothing you can do? About Sin, I mean. The addiction—” “Nothing.” Con backed up toward the Harrowgate. Good-byes had always been easy for him. A simple see-ya-around, and then he was out of there. But this was different. And he didn’t want to do it. “I gotta go. I, ah… yeah. See ya.”
The brothers looked skeptical, and Con couldn’t blame them. Sin didn’t go back to the den. She needed to, she knew that. But she wasn’t ready yet. For some reason, the hospital called to her, and while she could come back anytime she wanted to, she knew that once she’d gone back to the den, she’d harden, would avoid the hospital, her brothers, and the place would once again be nothing but a cold building.
She wanted just a little more time to indulge in silly sentimental wanderings before she had to banish fuzzy warm feelings from her life forever. She’d taken the Harrowgate with Con, had kissed him good-bye when the gate opened up into UG’s emergency department, and had watched him step out. Once the gate closed, she waited a minute, opened the door, and while chaos reigned, she slipped out and down a hallway.
She wandered around, until, oddly, she found herself in the nursery. It reeked of baby powder and disinfectant, but it was empty and was the last place anyone would look for her, so she sank into a rocking chair and, utterly exhausted, she closed her eyes and rocked.
“Sin?” Startled, she sat up, blinking as she got her bearings. Where was Con? Her body burned, ached with succubus needs that he’d been so good at fulfilling… Oh, right. He was gone. Her heart sank as she remembered saying good-bye to him, knowing the whole time that it wasn’t the see-you-later kind. It had been nice of him to lie, though.
Disappointment tempered her lust a little and, still disoriented, she looked around. She was in UG’s nursery. Shade and Lore were standing in front of her, and Lore held out a Styrofoam cup of coffee. Freaky. She glanced at her watch. Twelve hours. She’d been asleep for twelve hours.
“Hey.” She gratefully took the coffee.