As soon as his car was off, I pressed the button for the garage door and watched him exit the Tahoe. The second he rounded the back of it and looked up at me, that crooked smile crossed his face and I’m pretty sure I melted into the door frame.
Brody’s smile broadened when he got closer to me. I’m pretty sure he knew what he was doing to me just by being near me. “Hi, KC.”
“Hi.” I smiled like an idiot and finally stepped back when I realized we were just standing there staring at each other. “Uh, come on in. Can I get you anything to eat or drink?”
“I’m good.”
His gray eyes didn’t leave mine as we walked into the kitchen, and we fell back into a silence. Neither of us knew what to say or do now that we were near each other again. I drummed my fingers on the island and forced myself to stay on the side opposite him rather than going to him like my body was craving.
“How’ve you been?” he asked at the same time I said, “Can you stay for a while?”
“Do you want me to?” When I nodded shyly, he smiled again. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to. Liv and her parents are in Washington until Monday morning.”
Throughout most of the years I’d dated Charles, I couldn’t wait for him to leave or drop me off back home. So why, after having been around this man for only about an hour total, was I already wishing he would never have to leave?
“You can make yourself comfortable. If you want to take off your gear, you can put it on the table.” I nodded over to the large rectangular kitchen table behind him. “Or you can stay in it, it’s totally up to you. I just figured, since I’m in my pajamas and you look like you’re about to arrest me, I’d give you the option. I don’t know why I said that—you know what, I’m just going to shut up.” Oh, my God, Kamryn! Shut up!
Brody’s warm laugh filled my kitchen, and I dropped my head into my hands after planting my elbows on the island. Biting back my embarrassed groan, I peeked through my fingers when I heard movement and let my hands fall from my face as Brody began taking off his gear. His gray eyes met and held mine as he unbuttoned his uniform shirt and slowly removed it. It felt like I was getting the best striptease of my life, and he was still fully dressed underneath.
His already gravelly voice was even huskier as he reached for the Velcro straps on the sides of his bulletproof vest. “If we’re going to take this slow, you really need to stop looking at me like that.”
My teeth released the lip I hadn’t realized I was biting down on, and heat instantly crawled up my neck and cheeks. I spun around so my back was facing him, silently cursing myself for how awkward I’d made tonight already, and pushed away from the island to grab a glass from the cupboard. As I was filling it up with water from the tap, I felt Brody come closer and turned to find him occupying the space against the counter where I’d just been.
It felt like I was fighting going to him, and it was draining me to stay away from him. The heavy silence filled the space between us, and for the life of me I couldn’t think of anything to say to him that seemed appropriate for us at this early stage of our . . . us-ness. I wanted him to hold me, I wanted to feel his full lips pressing against mine. I wanted to know what he wanted out of life—and yet, we still needed to get to know each other. We needed to figure out what exactly we were going to do. We needed to talk about everything we’d left unsaid the other morning in the bakery. None of this was making sense. It felt like we were way beyond this stage. Beyond having to take things slow and forcing ourselves to not go to each other. But we weren’t there yet. He was married. We weren’t technically anything. We just were.
I simply didn’t know how to start from the beginning when I already knew how we both felt about each other.
“This is ridiculous,” he finally said. “KC, I need you in my arms. Pulling you to me feels like the most natural and needed action right now. And to be keeping myself from doing that is taking every ounce of energy I’ve got and all my concentration. We’ll take this slow, I swear to you we will. But I need to be able to touch you again.”
I’d barely set the glass down on the counter before launching myself at him. My arms went around his neck and his hands crushed me to his body. I felt the rumble build in his chest and his lips went to my ear.
“I’ll take that as a confirmation that I wasn’t the only one having trouble staying away?”
Leaning back enough so I could look in his stormy gray eyes, I couldn’t even be embarrassed about my assault on him. He was still gripping me to him tight enough to let me know he needed me close, but not so hard that it was painful.
“I think we’re gonna find out real soon that neither of us is the only one feeling a certain way about the other,” I whispered, and a smile pulled at my lips. “I felt like I didn’t know what to talk to you about. I kept thinking how was I supposed to start a conversation with you when I can’t find the happy medium between getting to know you and already knowing that I need you.”
His lips tilted up into a soft smile, and one of his hands left my waist to brush loose hair from my face. “You need me.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded my head anyway. “This is what I’ve been needing. You, exactly where you are now, reassuring me I’m not crazy for what I feel for you and what we’re about to go through.”
My hands slid from his neck down to the black undershirt covering the lean muscles of his chest. “If you’re crazy, then I’m right there with you . . . but I think we need to figure out what exactly it is we’re about to go through.” His smile fell, but acceptance settled over his features as I continued. “Because I don’t know what we are, what we’re going to be, what we’re doing—and I need to. Despite my feelings for you, Brody, this whole situation is terrifying for me. And with how hard it already is to stay away from you . . . well, I can’t go into this blindly. I can’t just know that we want each other and be okay with it—we need to talk about what that means for us.”