“Even when I cut all of this off?”
Cut what off? I turned over to face him when I realized what he meant. My heart stammered because I loved his messy hair. It was one of the things that made him so sexy. “No way. You have great hair. I won’t let you buzz it all off.”
He reached up and gave some a yank. “Police officers don’t walk around with hair like this.”
He was so wrong about that. “Sexy ones do.”
“Umm, that would be the kind that get paid to wear a fake uniform and strip it off at bachelorette parties.”
Whew! That had me thinking thoughts I shouldn’t.” We don’t need to talk about stripping police uniforms off so tell me about something safer. What about your mom? You’ve never mentioned her.”
Silence. At first, I thought he wasn’t going to answer me and I was about to tell him he didn’t have to talk about her if he didn’t want to. Then a moment later, something almost tangible squeezed my heart when he started to talk about his mom. “She left us when I was six.”
“Do you ever see her?”
He slowly shook his head. “Nope. Not since the day she walked out on us. I don’t have a clue where she is. I’m pretty sure my dad knows, but just doesn’t tell us.”
“Do you know why she left?”
I ran my hand up and down his arm as he told me what little he remembered. “I suspect there was another man, but I don’t know for sure. I asked my dad about her several years ago and he wouldn’t tell me anything. I dropped it all together but I have a vague memory of being in his closet and finding a file on her. I must have been pretty young when I found it because I don’t remember much about what it said, but I know she had remarried and had more kids.”
“So you have brothers or sisters you’ve never met?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. After she left, I was so hurt and angry that I told people she died. I was only six and I guess I thought it hurt less to think of her as dead than not loving me enough to stay.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “You’re the only person I’ve ever told all this to.”
I held his hand as he told me what it felt like to grow up thinking no one could love him if his own mother didn’t. I wanted to go back in time and tell him how wrong he was for thinking that, but the best I could offer was to listen.
He might have been with a lot of girls, but he just gave me something he had never given to a one of them...a part of himself.
Nick’s mother was the reason behind that tattoo spread over his heart and the reason he tried unsuccessfully to find comfort in any willing girl. Her selfish choices had almost ruined him. Almost. I found myself hating a woman I would never know and wondered if I would be able to fix the cracks she left behind on his heart.
18 Say My Name
Nick
It felt good to open up and tell Payton about my mom and what she had done. Most importantly, I was finally able to admit how painful it was. When I decided to share that part of my life, I didn’t realize how I was opening my heart to her. With only one look into her eyes, I knew I was offering her a piece of myself and she was happily accepting it.
She didn’t try to give me generic words about how it wasn’t my fault or how everything was going to be okay. She simply held my hand while she listened to me tell her how damaged I was and that’s when I had no doubt. I loved this girl and I finally understood that place my dad warned me about...the point of no return.
Payton and I were stretched out on the sofa side by side in the dark with only the light of the moon coming through the window. It had been a little while since either of us had said anything. Payton was motionless and I thought she had fallen asleep but then she rolled over to face me and put her arms up around my neck. “Don’t go.”
I gave her a gentle kiss and tugged on her bottom lip with my teeth. “I’ll stay as long as you want.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She feathered a kiss across my mouth. “I’m not going to Tillie’s and I want you to stay with me.”
Any other time I would have taken that as an invitation for sex, but not with Payton after our discussion and I was okay with that. “I will if it’s what you want.”
“It’s what I want.”
“I’ll need to let my dad know I’m not coming home tonight.” I reached for my phone in my pocket and texted my dad.
“Staying at a friend’s tonight. CU in a.m.”
He would ask where I had been when I got home and I didn’t plan on lying. It would no doubt cause an argument so I guessed Payton and I were in very similar situations. When it came to our parents’ opinions about us being together, they would be in agreement on keeping us apart even if the reasons were polar opposites.
I wasn’t going to waste another minute of my precious time with Payton worrying about my confrontation with my dad because all I cared about now was having her in my arms.
“Can I call Claire real quick? I sort of need to check in with her and Jessie because I could possibly owe them an apology.”
“What happened?”
“I went over to Claire’s this morning because I needed to talk to her. When I walked in, the house was super quiet so I thought everyone was at work and she was sleeping late. I was gonna wake her up by jerking her covers off and screaming, “Rise and shine.” Well, there was some rise and definitely some shine because Jessie was in bed with her and they weren’t wearing clothes.”
“I knew he was sneakin’ into her bed.”
Payton’s phone rang right before she reached for it and she saw that it was Claire. “I swear I think we have telepathy sometimes.” She slid the bar and said, “Hey, I was just about to call you to tell you again how sorry I am for walking in on you and Jessie. I had no idea. I swear I thought he was at work.”
She looked at me and smiled. “He’s at my house right now.”
She drew an invisible heart on my leg with her finger. “We’re together together.”
She pointed to her phone and rolled her eyes. “I know that. We took the same Biology class. Remember?”
That had the ring of a safe sex talk about it.
“Maybe you should take your own advice because I’m pretty sure that was you I found naked with your boyfriend this morning. The same boyfriend who you say you aren’t having sex with.” Yep, she was definitely trying to give Payton the safe sex talk.
“I believe you.” She held the phone out to me. “Jessie wants to talk to you.”
I fell back against the couch and groaned. For real? When was he gonna stop this protective brother bullshit? I was gonna seriously blow my top if he tried to add insult to injury by giving me the safe sex talk when I wasn’t gettin’ any.
I took the phone from Payton, prepared to tell Jessie to screw himself if he started lecturing me. “Waddup?”
“Claire says you and Payton are together now.”
I felt myself immediately becoming defensive. “That’s right.” Wait for it. Wait for it and here we go with the warnings about how I better not hurt her, but that’s not what came next.
“I’m happy for you, man. I think you’ll be good for each other.”
That wasn’t what I expected to hear. “Thanks, man, and just so you know...I plan on being good for her.”
“I believe you, but if you hurt her, Claire will make good on her threat to yank your balls up over your ears.” Now, this was more like it. That’s more like what I expected to hear out of him.
“Neither of you have to worry because I’m not gonna hurt her. I swear it.”
I wrapped up my conversation with Jessie and passed the phone back to Payton so she could say bye to Claire. When she got off the phone, she looked at me and smiled. “Overprotective, huh?”
“Maybe a little bit.”
“A little bit my ass. I think they’re afraid we’ll get it on before they do.”
“What? They live in the same house. Do you really think he’s not banging her every night?” Ooh, bad choice of words to say to my new girlfriend. “Sorry. That didn’t come out right.”
“Nick, I may be a virgin but my ears aren’t. I’m okay with you calling it ‘banging.’ I happen to have some very colorful names for it myself.”
Man, she was already an awesome girlfriend and I couldn’t wait to hear what her colorful names were.
“I’m not saying he hasn’t tasted her nectar, but trust me. They aren’t locking loins. Claire’s dad put a cock block on Jessie. He warned him before he moved in with them that if he found out they were having sex, he was out on his ass. It was actually a very smart move on Dr. Deveraux’s part. If he hadn’t let him move in, Jessie would be hidin’ the snake in Claire every day. This way, he gets to keep an eye on them and he guilted Jessie into keeping his daughter a virgin.”
Another virgin? I had no idea there were so many. Must be a Franklin thing because it sure wasn’t a Collinsville thing. “There’s plenty of places he could take her so her dad wouldn’t catch them.”
“Claire has begged him, but he won’t because he promised Dr. Deveraux he wouldn’t. I think it’s an honor thing with him because of the way he grew up. He wants to prove that he can do the right thing even though he was raised by two of the most unfit people in the world.”
“So...what’s the deal? He’s gonna marry Claire before they lock loins?”
“You’ve got it and from the looks of it this morning, they’ll be gettin’ married a lot sooner than I thought. There’s no way they’ll hold out until they’ve finished college if they’re already gettin’ naked together. That little sneak didn’t tell me they were doing everything but the deed itself.”
Wow. Jessie had really turned out to be a stand up kind of guy and I suddenly felt inferior. Payton wanted someone like him so that’s what she would expect from me and I wondered if I could be this person for her? I only knew one thing for sure. I would try my damnedest to be anything she wanted me to be. Her game, her rules.