“I can’t just forget it,” he says, looking as though his head is spinning. “It just feels like things are moving super fast… I don’t know… I just think I need a break to catch up.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Well, at least call me when you hit the road, okay? And when you get to Callie’s house, too. I want to know you made it there safe.” Feeling like I’ve been punched in the stomach, I shove the door open and climb out of the car.
I don’t know why, but I half-expect him to chase after me. Instead, he pulls away, leaving me feeling as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
Chapter 15
Seth
I fucked up. Like really, really fucked up, worse than I ever have. When Greyson said that he loved me, I freaking panicked and clammed up, my voice catching in my throat as I remembered the last time I uttered those words to a guy.
I love Greyson. Deep down, I think I‘ve known it for a while, just like I know now that I never truly loved Braiden. I fooled myself into believing it was love because he was my first boyfriend. But he wasn’t even that, really. Braiden was just a guy I kissed because I thought he was hot.
Yes, Greyson is super fucking hot, but he’s so much more than that. So much more.
God, what the fuck is wrong with me? I told him I need a break when that’s the last damn thing I want. What I need is to be with him completely. I’m just so Goddamn scared to open myself up like that again. Everything’s moving so fast that I can hardly keep up. First we come so close to having sex, something I’ve never done before. Then he tells me that he loves me… I feel dizzy just thinking about it all, but a good kind of dizzy. The kind of dizzy that means deep down, I want what he’s offering me.
“Seth, please tell me what’s bothering you,” Callie says, shouting over the music blaring through the club.
We’re in San Diego, of all places. I ended up here when Luke, Kayden, Callie, and I all decided to flee their hometown and take a break from… Well, life. Deep down, though, I know I’m here because I’m running away from my problems.
“I’m fine,” I assure her, checking my messages for like the hundredth time.
Greyson’s hardly texted me since we parted ways, and I don’t blame him. The look on his face… God, that look. It’s what haunts my dreams at night.
I put my phone into my pocket as Luke leaves the table to go get drinks. I’m dying for a cigarette, but the place is solely no smoking.
Callie wrings her hands on her lap then starts picking at her nails. “Seth, you’re not fine.”
I take out my phone again, secretly willing Greyson to text me back, but the phone remains silent. “I haven’t talked to Greyson since yesterday,” I finally give in and divulge. “I think he might be upset with me.”
She rests her arms on top of the table. “Why?”
I shrug. “Because I might have said something mean about our relationship.”
“Like what?”
“Like I wanted a break.” I sigh when she frowns at me in disappointment. “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t mean it. I was tired and overthinking things and… I didn’t mean it.”
She keeps frowning at me the same way. “Did you tell him that?”
“Not yet,” I tell her, disappointed in myself. Everything had been going just beautifully and I had to go and fuck it up. All I had to do was open my mouth and speak the truth, something I’m usually good at. But nooo, I had to pick that exact moment to become Speechless Seth. “But I’m working up to an apology.”
“Seth.” She lays a hand on my arm. “Since when do you hold things in? You should never do that… it’s not healthy.”
She’s sooo quoting me, which I find both amusing and tragic. How can I give all this fantastic advice and refuse to take it myself?
I look at Kayden, who’s watching us, before snagging Callie’s sleeve and tugging her to her feet. “Come with me for a minute,” I say as I drag her to the bathroom, not wanting an audience when I admit what’s really going on.
I push through the crowd of people and make my way back to the ladies’ room. “Okay, I think I might have messed up,” I spill my guts to Callie the moment the door slams shut.
A few woman are primping like divas in front of the mirror, but they’re all too drunk to care much that I’m in here
“What happened?” Callie asks, reclining against the sink. “Something with Greyson, I’m guessing.”
I nod, rubbing my hand down my face. “I panicked.”
“I’m familiar with the term,” she says dryly. “But what did you panic about?”
“About—” I lower my voice and move aside as the door swings open and a herd of women come stumbling in. One shoots me a dirty look and I return it before fixing my attention on Callie again. “About our relationship.”
“Your’s and Greyson’s?”
“Yeah, I think I’m having flashbacks.”
The women around us are being nosy little biotches, so I grab Callie’s hand and pull her into the handicapped stall. Locking the door, I let go of her arm and rake my fingers through my hair, deciding exactly how much I should tell her.
“Seth, whatever it is, please just tell me,” she pleads. “You know you can tell me anything.”
I pull a wary face, knowing I’m about to make her uncomfortable. “It’s about intimacy.”