Jax opened his eyes, and silently propped himself up on his elbow. He craned his head around, and saw her graceful form walking back toward the riverbank. She was still wearing her white shift, but it was dry now, and it drifting around her body in a manner that was almost surreal. She looked more forest spirit than woman. The image was broken, though, when one corner caught on a branch. She tugged at it, and the worn fabric ripped. A look of disgust came across her face.
For the first time, Jax realized he'd never seen her wearing more than three or four sets of clothing. Was that all she could afford? The children were always well dressed…He'd assumed that she was doing all right, but he didn't know for sure. He'd have to look into that, he realized. Making a mental note of it, he turned his attention back to Sarai.
Free of the branch, she walked to the river's edge and sat down. He could hardly see her now. He stood quietly, taking care not to wake the children, and reached over to tab on a motion sensor in his pack. If anything larger than a bird came close to Able and Mali as they slept, he and Sarai would know.
Then he started walking toward her. She turned to look at him as he approached, and then a smile so lovely it took his breath away came across her face.
"Jax," she said softly. "Come sit by me."
He lowered himself to the beach, stretching his legs out before him. The water lapped at his toes, cool and fresh. She leaned over and kissed his bare shoulder.
"Jax, this is silly," she said. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I can't think of anything but how much I miss touching you. Why do we have to do this?"
Her words twisted through him, sweet seduction. He was rock hard for her, filled with a heavy ache of need that had become his constant companion. How easy would it be to simply roll her under him, take her there on the sand? She wanted him; he wanted her. They were both adults. It should be so simple.
"No," he said, pushing down the treacherous thought. "I want more than sex, Sarai. Don't mistake me, I want sex, too. But I want to be a part of your life, and I want to be a father to the children. Hell, I want to have more children with you. I'm not willing to settle for less than that."
She stared into the water for a moment, moisture welling in her eyes. She gave her face and impatient swipe.
"Jax, you know what happened to my first husband, don't you?"
"Yes," Jax said. "Seth told me, and he told me why, too. You killed him in self-defense. You did it to save your children, and you did the right thing, Sarai. I only wish I could have killed him for you."
"But you don't know the whole story, Jax," she said softly. "I enjoyed killing him. I'll never forget the incredible rush that killing him gave me. I felt so free, so powerful! It was disgusting and exhilarating all at once, and I made myself a promise. I decided I'd never let myself get into a situation where a man controlled me again. I never want to face another choice like that."
A wave of compassion swept through him, and he pulled her into his arms. She was crying in earnest now. He pressed her head against his shoulder, and she started sobbing.
She cried for a long time, and he simply held her, marveling at her strength. Despite everything she'd gone through, she still managed to hold herself and her life together. Eventually her sobs quieted down, and she rested against him. He spoke.
"I've told you that on Saurellia only one in five children are female," he said. "We have a legend about that…according to legend, when the Goddess created the world, she made men and women equally strong. But within the first few generations, she discovered that even though men and women had the same strength, the women's lives were so much harder that it wasn't fair. Not only that, society started falling apart. There were wars and famine. Children starved in the streets, and it was an abomination before the Goddess.
"So she started making fewer women, but making them stronger," he continued. "Now there are more men then women, but our women are so strong that they hold our society together. Any Saurellian man lucky enough to be found worthy to be mated to one of those women is blessed a thousand times by the Goddess. Their relationship can be more wonderful than anything in the imagination, but it will never be unequal. There isn't a Saurellian man alive who can control his lifemate. Our society is matriarchal."
She looked up at him, blinking her eyes.
"What does that have to do with us? I'm not Saurellian, Jax. I'm not that strong."
"Sarai, you are that strong," he whispered, lifting his hand and wiping away one of her tears with his thumb. "Don't you understand? You may not have been born a Saurellian, but you are definitely a daughter of the Goddess. I don't want to control you. I want to be your lifemate, your partner. What makes you happy makes me happy. We belong together, and what Calvin did to you has nothing to do with us. He's dead. He can't hurt you, and I won't. You're safe now. You've made it."
She sniffed, and smiled at him tremulously.
"I did, didn't I?" she whispered. "Jax, I don't feel very strong. I don't know this Goddess of yours very well, but I could use some of that strength you talk about."
"It's there, Sarai," he said. Unable to help himself, he leaned his head down and kissed her softly on the lips. Her head fell back and her eyes closed, then she was opening to him. He deepened the kiss, exploring her depths and trying to control himself. He wanted her so badly he thought he might explode, but somehow he managed to keep himself from simply rolling her over and taking her. Finally, shaking from the effort, he pulled away.
"Sarai, will you be my lifemate?" he asked softly, searching her face. She froze for a minute, as if waging some battle within herself, then she spoke.
"I'll be your mate, but on my terms. I don't promise to do as you tell me, and if I ever feel like I need to leave you, I will."
"That's good enough for me," he said, smiling. She looked up at him in surprise.
"So I can leave you any time I want?" she asked.
"If I'm doing my job as a lifemate, you won't want to leave me," he replied quietly. She sniffed, then gave him a coy smile.
"Well, then I guess you'd better keep me happy," she said tartly.
"That's my girl," he said, abruptly rolling her over into the sand and covering her with his body. She was trapped beneath, a startled look on her face. He kissed her, and her arms came around him. She pulled him close, kissing him back. Then her legs were wrapped around his body, and she was writhing against him. He groaned, pressing his c**k against her softness.