I stare into the night. First Katya says I'm broken, and now Petr seems to be agreeing. I don't want to be broken. I don't want to admit that maybe my inability to sleep is an issue, that my actions in battle since that night have been more risky than usual.
I don't want to think about the idea that one day, I might have to return from Iraq, and there's nothing waiting for me, because I'm pretty sure I've decided to die in battle at some point. Leaving the war gives me time to think, which is why I've been avoiding taking the leave that my commander recommended. If not for this week at camp, I wouldn't have come back to the States unless I was ordered to or in a box.
If I were listening to one of my guys tell me this, I'd have to refer him to counseling.
"I can see my wounds." Petr slaps his metal leg. "I think yours are just as important to take care of."
"Maybe you're right," I reply. I'm not sure what to do about it. It's not in me to take a break from leading the team to nurse my wounds. The Corps and my missions are all that have ever meant anything to me. I'd rather keep active and find another way to address my issues. "Between us, I think Katya needs to be in counseling."
"She does. Baba and I have talked about it recently. She might listen to you better than us," Petr says ruefully.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that."
"I am. If you're brave enough to tell her."
I think I did earlier. "I'll handle it." I don't know why it makes me smile, but it does. "Three tours in Iraq, Petr, and you can't manage your sister."
He chuckles. "I'll leave that to the experts. I'm not sure how to handle her sometimes. There are days when I think she needs a babysitter and those when she's all that's standing between me and the pain."
I listen, not surprised to hear his views on his sister. My thoughts return to Harris. As much as I want to bury him in the forest, I'm thinking more than ever that Petr is the one who should handle him.
"Petr." I stop, hesitating. "I want to tell you something, but I want you not to react to it without some thought."
"This can't be good." His curious blue eyes are on me.
"It's Harris. I think he's gotten a little … aggressive with your sister."
All humor fades from Petr's features, replaced by the stony expression he gets before a fight. I can feel him tense beside me.