Crunchy? My face is hot by the time he's done. Uncertain what to think about anything he's said, I clear my throat.
"Sawyer Mathis likes to hide behind an icy exterior, to replace emotion with discipline and routine. He knows he can't lose anyone or anything, if he doesn't get attached, and if he does lose someone, it won't hurt as much as it could. He's brave and strong but alone. Always alone."
We gaze at each other, neither speaking. The others are enjoying themselves around us. Every one of my interactions with Sawyer somehow skirts the shallow end of the pool and plunges into the middle of the ocean. I can't help wishing I hadn't proposed straying from the instructions. Maybe then I wouldn't have learned a thing or two about the man I need to hate that makes me think of him differently.
I have a feeling he won't be the first to break the thick tension this time. I rack my brain for a topic so benign, even we can't mess it up.
"So …" I say. "Do you have a speech for tonight?"
"Yes."
"That's good." This is so awkward. I'm not even certain why it is. Do we have a connection or did we piss each other off more? Shouldn't I know one way or the other?
He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to me. I unfold it and start to read. I'm not surprised he's gotten it down word for word. He's not the kind of person to wing it, the way I would.
Frowning, I reach the end. "This is awful."
"Really?" He eyes me, as if suspecting I'm picking a fight again. "Why?"
"This is so impersonal and … I don't know. Canned. Like a report or something. The Iceman thing might work in combat, but you're talking to a bunch of kids who lost a parent. You should try to connect to them more."
He's quiet. I wish I could read him, at least a little. Is he remotely open to what I'm saying?
Like I care. I tend to act then think about whether or not I should have.
I take a pen and flip the paper over. "Maybe you should start with your own background. You're an orphan. You know what it feels like." Hearing my words, I look up. "Sorry. I don't mean …" My face flashes hot.
"I understood," he says with the half smile. Resting his elbows on the table beside me, he's too close again. I'm starting to like his scent more and more, the combination of pure male and coconuts.