"I know, Kitty," he says. "We've both had to change this year. I'm proud of you and how well you've dealt with everything. It's because of this that I thought now was a good time to talk to you."
"I don't know how to be different," I say with some difficulty. "I don't want to let you go."
"I'm not asking you to. Just asking you to be my friend and my sister. Not worrying every second of the day about me. Not assuming that I can't take care of myself. Maybe trusting that I know what I'm doing with my life and my health and respecting my choices," he says softly. "Waiting until I fuck up to yell at me. Talking to me instead of lecturing me."
We've never really spoken to each other this way. Well, maybe he's tried. I don't really know. Tired and stressed from watching him beat up Harris, I'm about to cry, and my throat is tight. "Can I be your best friend?"
He laughs. "Yes. I have a lot to work on, too, when it comes to talking to you and others. Not being afraid of opening up or taking a chance on people."
"Like we need anyone else," I joke.
"We've got to date someday. Well, you've got your puppy."
"You really don't like him?" I venture to look up and see my brother gazing at me warmly. I wipe my eyes.
"He's so … boring."
I stifle a laugh.
"He does everything you say and never stops smiling. Doesn't that drive you nuts?" Petr asks.
"A little. I figured I'd break it off after the holidays."
"Yeah, you can't kick a puppy at Christmas. Pretty sure you go to hell for that one," he agrees.
I giggle, even knowing how awful it is to talk about Oliver and sweet little puppies like this.
"I always thought Captain Mathis would be good for you," he adds too casually.
I grimace. Even hearing his name out loud causes me pain. "Definitely not."
"Because …"
"Because … he deserves better," I whisper.
"Katya!"
"He does." I can't say more without opening the dam I've carefully emplaced. "So no. Maybe I need a break from men for a while."
"I'll support that," Petr says. "Will save me from having to beat up anyone else."
"So barbaric."
"He won't be back, and he knows what'll happen if he talks to you again. That's what matters."
I suppress a smile. I kind of like the idea of us being friends. I didn't realize how one-way our relationship was before this. I've always chased my brothers and father around, cleaning up after them, yelling at them for cursing or whatever the minor infraction, taking care of them.