Seduce Me in Shadow - Page 36/44

As Bram had ceased Caden’s involvement with the Doomsday Brethren, he needed to do the same with Sydney. After settling Lucan in at home, he’d protect her, but no more.

As he entered the bedroom, Sabelle left, answering his unspoken question as she did. “Conrad just left. Sydney’s fine.”

“Indeed,” Sydney insisted as she dug into her handbag and extracted the camera. “Help me edit this film? I know you’re against me transcasting, but you saw how evil Mathias was. We can’t let him continue to run amok. I want to transcast within the hour.”

His advice was going to fall on deaf ears, but Caden felt compelled to say it. “You understand that there’s no going back? You’ll both incur Mathias’s supreme wrath and be trapped in magickind forever.”

“Trapped?” She frowned. “I have a chance now to save lives and achieve everything I ever dreamed. Nothing worth doing is without risk.”

“Pretty speech. I don’t think it will comfort you when Mathias tries to kill you. I’m not helping you transcast.”

She cocked her head and peered at him, clearly puzzling something out. “You’re walking away and leaving this mess to Bram and the others and wasting your abilities when you could be helping, too.”

“Bram tossed me out, and I’m leaving something I never wanted to be involved in.”

Sydney paused, drew back. “You’re leaving me as well.”

Caden saw no reason to beat about the bush. “I’ll protect you. I can’t be this close, care this much, and lose you. I . . . can’t.”

Clenching her fists, Sydney tried to hold back sudden tears. And failed. “I don’t understand you. First, you ran from your parents and your heritage, spent ten years trying to be American and human, when you’re neither. You came back to help your brother, why? Obligation? Because you couldn’t avoid it without feeling like a heel? You’re not running from the Doomsday Brethren and me. You’re running from yourself—like you have been your whole life.”

Caden accepted the rebuke in silence. Sydney simply didn’t understand. Nor could she relate to the tangle of affection and duty he felt for Lucan after losing Westin. And she had no way of comprehending the disastrous results of a failed magical mating. Would it make a difference if she did? No, it was too late now. Some things simply weren’t meant to be.

“You’ve oversimplified everything,” he said.

“Have I? Explain to me exactly how this isn’t running from your destiny.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“SYDNEY, I DON’T EXPECT you to understand.”

Which meant he wasn’t even going to try to explain. Grief felt like a blow to the chest.

“Make me understand. Why?”

He raked a frustrated hand through mussed brown hair.

“Magic isn’t always . . . good.”

“Mathias proves that.”

“I mean that using magic, even the sort you think is good, can change your life in terrible ways.”

His words renewed her dread. She’d fantasized about him in the Doomsday Diary to lure him to her side. Had that changed their lives in terrible ways? The possibility sounded ugly. How much, if any, of their affection and passion was due strictly to the book’s magic?

“You’re always so bloody vague, raising more questions than you answer.”

Sighing, pacing, he grasped for words. “Magic is all new and interesting to you now, but it’s ripped apart my life more than once.”

“Change happens in everyone’s lives, whether you’re magical or not. Tell me what’s so terrible—”

“No point except to dredge up bad memories and burden you with tragedies you can’t change. I just need to go.”

“You belong here, fighting beside these warriors. I think you belong beside me, as well.” She pressed her lips together to hold in tears. “I’ve fallen in love with you. You used magic today to save me, though you hate it. You must care about me a bit. Perhaps, in time, it could be real—”

“It is real.” His blue eyes burned with truth.

But a niggle of doubt remained.

Caden’s slumped shoulders and the exhausted lines bracketing his eyes and mouth made him look like defeat on two legs. “I wish the answer was as simple as love, firecracker. But taking the next step with you means accepting magic I don’t trust. It’s too uncontrollable.”

Though she knew better, Sydney couldn’t stop fighting for them. “So is life!”

“I’ve died a hundred times with the desire to kiss you, but if I do, we would be mated for life. You would adopt my lifespan, so that means hundreds of years, literally.” He wrapped warm hands around her shoulders, and Sydney wished he’d welcome her farther into his embrace. “But if you keep to this path, you’re going to die—and take me down with you. I can’t stand by and watch. It will drive me mad.”

His every word was a pick ax to the heart, and she struggled to comprehend his reasons for walking away from greatness and love for the mundane and lonely. “So you’d prefer to end it, just to be safe?”

Caden hesitated. “You’ve chosen to remain, and I’m going to protect you. But mating in the middle of a war with both of us on the front lines, there would be consequences you can’t begin to comprehend.”

“Explain them.”

He sighed. “Even if I did, it would change nothing. We want different lives. I won’t lie and say I don’t love you or that I don’t wish things could be different. But I’d be doing us both a disservice if I spoke the Call.” Caden looked at her then with bleak, hollow eyes. The expression magnified as he touched her cheek and leaned in to hold her close and kiss her forehead. “I’ll remain your bodyguard, nothing more.”

Sydney pulled away from his embrace. A deep, heavy ache spread across her chest, shattering her heart into a million pieces. “I’ll do my damnedest to make you regret your choice.”

She grabbed the video camera, hurt pounding inside her. But she hesitated. That tousled hair that curled at the ends, those electric eyes, the ripped body . . . yes, at first he’d been a walking fantasy, and she’d lusted after him. But soon, she’d discovered the man beneath, the one who put his brother first, who believed in her, who made love passionately, who fought to protect her even when he wanted to run away.

But it appeared that magic was a hurdle they couldn’t overcome. Sydney wasn’t going to walk away from magickind. This had become more than a story to her. Bram and the others were a handful against a powerful evil. If she could help them, she would. She’d proudly do this job until she could return to the human world to tell the best story ever about magickind.

Pity she’d take the spotlight alone.

“No doubt you’ll achieve all your ambitions. I’ll miss you.”

Tears burning her eyes, she watched Caden leave.

“ . . . sobering video from a fight that took place earlier today. Mathias D’Arc is definitely back and, as you saw, is abducting soldiers from around the world and converting them to zombies to make his army. He and his followers have attacked at least four Privileged families, killing many and abducting the women. Take precautions. Keep close watch on all family members. Never stray far from your wand. Have some means of communication nearby. If you’re being attacked, contact Bram Rion. Updates will follow as necessary. I’m Sydney Blair. Stay safe. Good afternoon.”

With that, Bram waved a hand in front of the ancient, heavy mirror hanging in the library. Beside him, Sabelle stood with a smile, despite the strain on her face.

“Good job,” Bram praised, exiting into the hall. “Angry Council members will scream their displeasure in mere moments, I suspect, but at least innocent people have been warned.”

“You’ve done the right thing,” Sabelle added, following Bram.

Nodding, he sighed and approached Sydney. “Are you all right?”

Define all right, she thought. Transcasting the news of Mathias’s return had been both exhilarating and bittersweet. Without Caden here to cheer her on, hold her hand, love her afterward . . . a part of her was missing.

“Fine.” Melancholy and exhaustion made holding her plastic smile a Herculean task.

“I’ll pretend I believe you and wait for the deluge of messages in my office. The rest of the warriors and I should talk, plan our next moves.” He paused and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You’ve done us a great service at much risk to yourself. I appreciate you. I know the others do as well.”

Looking tired but determined, Bram left.

“I don’t know what he’s going to do,” Sabelle murmured after he’d cleared the room.

“Do?”

“He’s nearly out of energy and cannot find his mate,” the witch explained. “Thus far, he’s only skimmed the barest amount from a surrogate. I hope he finds this mystery woman soon. Or takes more energy. He’s too important to the cause to go on like this.”

“What will happen if he doesn’t?”

“He’ll die. It’s why I’ve been tending Caden’s brother. Technically, he’s no longer mated since Anka broke with him, but he rejected all females until I duped him into believing I was her. His condition is awful. He’s keeping his strength now, but his mind . . . I don’t know if he’ll recover.”

Caden had returned to the UK for his brother and had reluctantly admitted that Lucan had a mental imbalance, but nothing more. Now she saw the truth he’d avoided telling her. Sabelle’s explanation made all the pieces click into place. Lucan’s magical “divorce” from Anka had caused Lucan’s condition. Could Caden be rejecting a future with me, not because I’d written in the diary, but because he feared becoming like his brother?

Oh. Dear God.

Suddenly, Sabelle speared Sydney with a direct stare. “You’re right. Sorry to read your mind. Terrible habit. Caden is terrified of becoming like Lucan.” She shook her head. “I hope Caden finds Anka before it’s too late.”

She had to see the man, had to know what had spooked Caden. Trying to fight something she couldn’t see and scarcely understood was both stupid and impossible.

“When Caden left, I told him I would be by shortly to see Lucan. I’m certain they’re settled in at Lucan’s townhouse. I think it’s time you see the dangerous side of magic.”

She hardly needed more proof to understand magic’s potential peril. But perhaps this would unravel the rest of the complicated puzzle of Caden.

“Of course.”

“No pictures. I simply want you to understand, not report.”

Naturally. If I reported on Lucan’s condition, it might spur Mathias to take the mates of other Doomsday Brethren.

“Just Bram,” Sabelle provided. “Marrok isn’t a wizard, and none of the others are fully mated.”

“Fully mated?”

Sabelle began trudging her way up the stairs. “Remember when I told you about the Call? They ask, you answer, then you’re mated?”

She nodded. “It sounded simple enough, so how can someone be partially mated?”

“They ask and they’re refused.”

“But if they’re refused, how can the bond be established?”

“The wizard takes a mate in his heart when he speaks the words. Whether or not he genuinely means them or the feelings are reciprocated, he is bound by that Call. Until the woman dies, he is hers exclusively.”

Sydney’s jaw dropped as she followed the woman. “And one of these big warriors—”

“Shock. He Called to Anka shortly before Lucan did and was eventually Renounced.”

Another jaw dropper. Lucan and Shock quarreling over the same woman?

“For over a century. When Lucan slipped into mate mourning, we called Caden here to care for his brother. He’s afraid because he knows you’re his, but has seen firsthand the tragic possibilities of mating.”

Sabelle reached the top of the stairs and headed for a corner room in the family wing. Sydney had never been to this side of the estate, and when the witch pushed her way into a glamorous room, Sydney’s jaw threatened to drop once more. Sumptuous cream silk bedding with golden touches was relieved by hints of melted chocolate. The walls were warm, the drapes swagged, the furniture of dark, glossy wood. Crystal candlesticks gleamed, plush furniture lounged. The room fit Sabelle completely.

“It’s lovely.”

Sabelle smiled. “My haven. I just need to grab a few things. Should only be a moment.”

Why not just summon objects? Sydney wondered.

The beautiful witch sent her a chiding stare. “I’m saving my energy for what’s to come.”

She grabbed a cape, a length of silk, rope, and a pair of handcuffs. Sydney’s brows raised.

“I don’t know what I’m facing over there,” Sabelle explained. “Here, we had Lucan well restrained so he wouldn’t be a danger to anyone.”

Suddenly, Sydney wasn’t sure she wanted to see Lucan after all. But Sabelle grabbed her arm. Blackness and that topsy-turvy feeling invaded her stomach. A weightless feel left her at odds and ends.

Then the floor appeared beneath them, and they zoomed into a room straight out of Tuscany, with walls like an autumn afternoon and drapes the color of wine, accented by a gleaming hardwood floor.

The only thing out of place was the snarling man secured by rope to all four corners of the bed. His dark hair had been pulled back, revealing a face that would normally be considered handsome. It was so like Caden’s with high cheekbones, a wide mouth, a sculpted jaw. But instead of the familiar vibrant blue, Lucan’s eyes were just angry black pinpricks. No warmth or passion, as feral as a wild wolf’s.

Lucan snapped his unfocused gaze in their direction and roared, struggling against his bonds as the bed creaked. Surprise pinged through Sydney. She stepped back. Way back.

“Losing Anka did this to him?”

Sabelle nodded solemnly.

He missed his mate so much that he’d lost his mind? Sydney had never met Lucan, but she ached for him and the pain he was obviously enduring.