“I will remind you that I am nineteen. I’ll be twenty in six months. I’m not a baby,” she said. She didn’t appear nervous at all that I had just admitted to fantasizing about her.
“No, sweet Blaire, you are definitely not a baby. I’m twenty-four and jaded. My life hasn’t been normal, and because of it, I have some serious screwed-up shit. I’ve told you there are things you don’t know. Allowing myself to touch you would be wrong.” I needed her to understand that. One of us had to remember why I needed to keep my hands off her.
“I think you underestimate yourself. What I see in you is special.” Her words made the ache in my chest catch on fire. She didn’t know me. Not really. But damn, it felt good to hear her say she saw something other than the rock star’s son.
“You don’t see the real me. You don’t know what all I’ve done.” Because when she did know, moments like this would just be bittersweet memories that haunted me the rest of my life.
“Maybe,” she said, and leaned toward me. “But what little I have seen isn’t all bad. I’m beginning to think there might just be another layer to you.”
Holy hell, she needed to move back. That smell and those eyes. I started to say something but stopped myself. I wasn’t sure what to say to her. Other than that I wanted to strip her na**d and make her scream my name over and over again.
Something she saw made her eyes go wide, and she moved even closer to me. “What is in your mouth?” she asked, with a touch of amazement in her voice.
I was wearing a barbell in my tongue tonight. I didn’t always wear something that could be seen, because I had outgrown the piercing, or at least I felt like that at times. Females, however, enjoyed it. I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue so Little Miss Curious could see. She had already angled her head to peek inside my mouth. If I didn’t show her, she was going to climb into my lap to get closer.
“Does it hurt?” she asked in a whisper, still inching closer to me. What the hell? She was gonna get a real personal view of it when I licked her damn neck if she didn’t back up.
“No,” I replied, keeping my tongue in my mouth for fear that she was going to actually touch it and make me lose my mind.
“What are the tattoos on your back?” she asked me, moving back some. Her smell still clung to me. I was inhaling more frequently than necessary just to get her scent inside of me. It was pathetic. Focus on something else. Answer her damn questions, and stop thinking about her skin. And her taste. Tattoos . . . she wants to know about my tattoos.
“An eagle on my lower back with his wings spread and the emblem for Slacker Demon. When I was seventeen, my dad took me to a concert in L.A., and afterward he took me to get my first tat. He wanted his band branded on my body. Every member of Slacker Demon has one in the exact same place. Right behind the left shoulder. Dad was high as a kite that night, but it is still a really good memory. I didn’t get a chance to spend a lot of time with him growing up. But every time I saw him, he added another tat or piercing to my body,” I explained.
Her eyes instantly went to my chest. Fuck, she was wondering about my nipples. Cold shower. I was going to need a very long cold shower. Or maybe hot, with some damn baby oil and my fist. God knows her smell and the view I had down her shirt were enough to send me over the edge.
“No piercings there, sweet Blaire. The others are in my ears. I put a halt to the piercings and tats when I turned nineteen,” I assured her. She needed to take her eyes off my damn chest. Now.
She looked unhappy or worried. What had I said? Fuck, I hadn’t verbalized my shower plans, had I?
“What did I say to make you frown?” I asked, touching her chin to tilt her eyes up so I could see them.
“When you kissed me last night, I didn’t feel the silver barbell thingy.” That was what was making her frown? She was going to kill me. I couldn’t take much more of this.
“Because I wasn’t wearing it,” I said, moving closer to her. Her scent was pulling me in.
“When you, uh, kiss someone with it in, can she feel it?”
Holy f**king hell. Showing Little Miss Curious was so tempting. She wanted to experience it, and I sure wanted to show her. “Blaire, tell me to leave. Please,” I begged. It was the only way to keep from kissing her. “You would feel it. Everywhere I want to kiss you, you would feel it. And you would enjoy it,” I whispered in her ear, then pressed a kiss to her shoulder and inhaled her deeply. Fuck, that was good.
“Are you . . . are you going to kiss me again?” she asked, as I ran my nose up her neck, soaking in her scent. Damn smell was intoxicating.
“I want to. I want to so f**king bad, but I’m trying to be good,” I admitted.
“Could you not be good for just one kiss? Please?” she asked, moving closer to me. Her legs pressed up against mine. One more inch, and she’d be in my lap.
“Sweet Blaire, so incredibly sweet.” I was losing it. My lips were touching every smooth inch of skin they could as I fought with myself not to touch her. She was innocent. She was too good for me. This was wrong.
I tasted her skin with the tip of my tongue, and my c**k throbbed. She was delicious. Everything about her. I kissed a trail up her neck, and when I reached her lips, I stopped. I wanted them. I wanted her. More. Always more. But she was my . . . friend. I had caused her pain, and she didn’t even know it. I had to stop this.
“Blaire, I’m not a romantic guy. I don’t kiss and cuddle. It’s all about the sex for me. You deserve someone who kisses and cuddles. Not me. I just fuck, baby. You aren’t meant for someone like me. I’ve never denied myself something I want. But you’re too sweet. This time, I have to tell myself no,” I said, more to myself than to her. I needed to remind myself just how out of my league she was.
She whimpered, and I jumped up, moving to the door. I wouldn’t do this to her. I couldn’t.
“I can’t talk anymore. Not tonight. Not alone in here with you,” I said, and left before I lost myself with her. I could never have Blaire.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I stalked past the few people in the kitchen and headed for the front door. I needed to go outside and calm down. Fresh air with no one around to see me lose my shit. Telling Blaire no had just about killed me. Turning down those sweet, willing lips . . . Holy hell, no man should be put through this torture.
“Want to talk about it?” Grant asked, as the door behind me closed.
“I need to be alone,” I told him. I gripped the porch railing and kept my eyes focused on the driveway full of cars.
“You aren’t gonna be able to keep this up. She’s under your skin now,” Grant said, coming to stand beside me. I should have known he’d ignore my request for him to leave me to my thoughts.
“I won’t hurt her,” I told him.
Grant sighed and turned to lean against the railing and face me while crossing his hands over his chest. “As sweet as Blaire is, I’m not worried about her. I’m more worried about you,” he said.
“I got this.”
“No. You don’t. You’re keeping your hands off her when it’s obvious to anyone who sees her look at you that she would let you touch her any way you wanted to. But you’re not touching her. I’ve never—and I mean f**king never—seen you turn that down from someone who looks like Blaire. Which means . . . you’ve got feelings for her. That’s why I’m worried about you. She’s gonna find out about her dad and about Nan, and when she does, she’ll run like hell. She’ll hate all of you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I know,” I said. I f**king knew that. It was why I wasn’t hauling her up to my room and locking her there with me. I couldn’t go there with her.
“She’s outside in the back with Woods,” Grant said.
Standing up straight, I let go of the railing and looked back at the door. “How do you know?”
“Saw her walk out there before I came after you,” he replied.
I wasn’t letting Woods near her, either. He would hurt her. He’d use her, and no one was going to use Blaire. No one. Ever. I would f**king make sure of it. “I gotta go get her. I upset her,” I said, heading for the door.
“He knows she’s innocent. Woods isn’t an asshole. He’s a good guy. Stop acting like he’s a f**king horndog.”
I tightened my grip on the door handle and took a deep breath. “Don’t tell me what to do, Grant.”
He let out a short laugh. “Never, brother. Never.”
I jerked the door open and stepped back inside, intent on finding Blaire and sending Woods home.
“Heeey Ruuush!” a female slurred excitedly and she latched on to my arm. I glanced down to see one of Nan’s friends whose name I couldn’t remember holding on to me.
“No,” I replied, and I kept walking. She didn’t let go. Instead, she kept giggling and talking about her wet panties. This shit used to turn me on, but the smell of Blaire and the thought of her big eyes as she crawled closer to me so she could study my tongue made everything else seem cheap.
“I’m Babs. Remember? I used to stay the night with your sister in high school,” she said, pressing against me.
“Not interested,” I told her, trying to jerk free when we stepped into the kitchen and my eyes locked on Blaire. She was alone. No Woods. And she was watching me. With . . . Babs, or whoever this was on my arm. Shit.
“But you said,” Babs started to argue. I had no idea what she thought I said. Then she kissed my arm. Fuck. “I’ll take off my panties down here if you will,” the girl continued, not taking no for an answer. She was wobbling on her heels and clinging to me even more now.
“Babs, I’ve already told you no. I’m not interested,” I repeated loudly, keeping my eyes locked on Blaire’s. I wanted her to hear me. I knew this wasn’t what I wanted. Who I wanted.
“It’ll be naughty,” she promised me, then started laughing. Nothing about her was appealing.
“No, it will be annoying. You’re drunk, and your cackling is giving me a headache,” I said, still looking at Blaire. She had to believe me.
Blaire dropped her eyes from mine and turned to go to the pantry. Good. She was safe in there, and she needed sleep.
“Hey, that girl is going to steal your food,” Babs whispered loudly.
Blaire’s face turned bright red, and I threw Babs off my arm, letting her stumble to catch herself. “She lives here; she can have whatever she wants,” I informed anyone else who might say something to embarrass her.
Blaire’s eyes swung back to meet mine again.
“She lives here?” Babs asked.
The hurt in Blaire’s eyes burned a hole in my chest. I couldn’t take it.
“Don’t let him lie to you,” Blaire said. “I’m the unwelcome guest living under his stairs. I’ve wanted a few things, and he keeps telling me no.”
Fuck.
She slammed the door behind her. I wanted to go after her, but I knew if I went in there, I wasn’t coming out. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands and mouth off her.
Woods walked into the kitchen and swung his gaze to me. “You don’t deserve her,” he said coldly.
“Neither do you,” I replied, then turned and headed for the stairs. I had to get away from these people.
Grant met me in the hallway.
“Make sure Woods leaves. If Blaire comes out of her room, come get me,” I said, without stopping to look at him. Then I headed for my room. So I could remind myself, yet again, why I couldn’t touch Blaire.
Could you not be good for just one kiss? Please ? Those words had kept me up all damn night. How the hell I’d walked out of that little room I had no idea. I had to stop this. I couldn’t let her in anymore. She didn’t know the truth. I had to protect her. My feelings for her were already too dangerous.
As much as I wanted to tell her about Nan, I couldn’t. She’d hate me, and I was too far gone now. I couldn’t live with Blaire hating me. At least not this soon. I wasn’t ready for her to leave me. I glanced back over my shoulder at the closed pantry door. Last night, Blaire’s parting comments about her being the unwelcome guest had pissed me off. I was changing that. Maybe I wasn’t ready to move her upstairs yet, but I would feed her. I wasn’t sure what she was eating in the mornings, but since she was sleeping in late today, I had time to make her breakfast.
The pantry door opened behind me, and I glanced back again to see Blaire staring at me with a surprised look on her face. We hadn’t ended things well last night. This morning, I was going to change that.
“Good morning. Must be your day off.”
She didn’t move and gave me a forced smile. “Smells good.”
“Get out two plates. I make some killer bacon.” I was going to soften her up. I knew she was still mad at me for leaving her last night, but dammit, I had done it for her. Not me.
“I’ve already eaten, but thank you,” she said, then bit down on her lower lip as she looked longingly at the bacon. What the hell was that all about? And when had she eaten? I’d been up for two hours, and she hadn’t been out of her room.
I set down the fork I was using and focused on her instead of the bacon. “How have you already eaten? You just woke up.” I watched her carefully in case she decided not to tell me the complete truth. If this was about her not wanting to eat in front of me or some ridiculous girl issue like that, she was going to have to get over it.
“I keep peanut butter and bread in my room. I had some before I came out.”