Tynan had nothing to look forward to but the oblivion of sleep—a means to escape his hunger. Somewhere along the way, Angus had forgotten what it felt like to be as desperate as Tynan was. Or maybe he’d never been that desperate. His life had been hard, but it had also been filled with blessings.
It was time to step up and give back some of the good life had offered him.
One way or another, he needed to convince Gilda to give up her grief and move on. Maybe in doing so, she’d be able to heal and forgive herself for the things which she couldn’t change.
Maybe Gilda would even remember how to smile again.
Zach woke up just before dawn. His body ached, but he was no longer plagued by the blazing heat of the poison.
He was going to live.
A surge of joy rolled through him, and he felt the need to run and find Lexi so he could celebrate with her. Only, he didn’t have far to go. She was lying on the bed, asleep with her head pillowed on an open book and her pale hand splayed over his dark chest.
Zach grinned down at her, letting the sight of her beauty fill him up with a deep sense of satisfaction.
She hadn’t left him. She’d stayed right by his side even though he’d taken the bracelet off her wrist, allowing her to leave.
He had no idea how much sleep she’d gotten last night, so he didn’t want to wake her, but she didn’t look comfortable, so he eased the book out from under her cheek and tucked a pillow in its place.
Lexi made cute, sleepy sounds, but didn’t wake. He covered her up and went to find some coffee to help clear the rest of the sluggishness from his head that the poison had left behind.
They had a big day ahead of them. With any luck at all, today was the day Lexi would agree to wear his luceria. After all, she hadn’t left him. That had to mean she cared about him, right? And if she cared, she wouldn’t leave him alone to suffer. He knew she wouldn’t.
Zach set the book down on the kitchen counter, marking her place by setting the napkin holder on the open pages. He rummaged around in the cabinets until he had a pot of coffee gurgling on the counter, then went to the bathroom, took a quick shower, dressed and came back just as the last few drops were making ripples over the dark surface of the coffee.
He poured a cup, added a ton of sugar and sat down to enjoy his jolt.
The book was still open to the page Lexi had been reading when she fell asleep. It was handwritten, in tight, almost minuscule handwriting, so small he’d thought it was type when he’d first glanced at it. When he looked closer, he saw certain words were underlined, or boxed in. Frantic scribbles filled the margins, with arrows pointing to different passages.
He wasn’t generally one to snoop, but if this was Lexi’s diary, he wasn’t going to be able to resist. He’d be able to peek into her mind as soon as they bonded, so it wasn’t really snooping, anyway. It was just getting a jump on what he was going to see soon.
Zach started reading the entry, which was near the beginning of the book. It was dated twenty-three years ago.
They almost found us today. I hid us in a trash bin and the stink of rotting garbage masked our scent. Your scent, Alexandra. That sweet baby smell of your head that seems to draw the monsters to us.
You were such a good baby, too. You didn’t cry. You just held on to my finger in your chubby fist like you knew the monsters were scaring me. How can you know that? You’re not even a year old yet.
You’re special, Alexandra. Your daddy told me you would be the night we made you. He said I had to protect you. Hide you.
If anything happens to me, you need to know that the Sentinels are going to want you for your blood. You can’t ever stop running. They’ll find you and they’ll trick you and then, when they’ve convinced you they’re not the bad guys, they’ll suck out all your blood for their magic.
You can’t ever let that happen. You have to keep running.
Zach’s body went numb. Lexi would have been too young to write twenty-three years ago. She would have just been a baby. This wasn’t Lexi’s diary.
This was her mother’s diary. Alexandra was Lexi.
It was no wonder that Lexi didn’t trust him, that she’d stabbed him and run away when he’d first met her. She had been taught that the Sentinels wanted to kill her—that they wanted her blood.
Which, he had to admit, was partially true. The Sanguinar would want her blood, not that he’d let them have any of it. And even if they did get it, they wouldn’t want to kill her. She couldn’t feed them if she was dead.
Zach flipped the page and kept reading. It was more of the same. Page after page described how evil the Sentinels were and how many times they’d tried to kill Lexi and her mother. The book went into detail about what the monsters looked like and how to avoid them. Zach recognized the descriptions as Synestryn, not Sentinels. Of course, Lexi didn’t necessarily know the difference.
She thought the Synestryn that had attacked them last night had been his pets. She didn’t know any better, which begged the question, what else had she been taught that was totally wrong?
Zach shut the book and rose from his chair. Anger pulsed through him that her mother would taint her with lies like these, but he held it in check. He had no way of knowing why her mother had done it, and more important, the woman had kept Lexi alive all these years, protecting her when he couldn’t.
Lexi didn’t need his anger. She needed him to straighten her out. As long as she had all these messed-up ideas in her head, she was going to be in danger, running from the only people who could keep her safe.
He turned, and she was standing in the kitchen doorway. Her eyes were puffy from sleep and her clothes were wrinkled beyond repair. The hair around her face was damp, like she’d just finished washing. She looked from him, to the book and back again and in that time, all the color drained from her face. Her dark eyes widened in fear and she sprinted toward the door leading outside.
Zach chased after her, unwilling to let her go. Whatever was going through that head of hers was wrong. It wasn’t her fault, but he couldn’t let her keep thinking those lies were true.
He caught her around the waist right as she jumped up into his truck. Her arms and legs flailed around, but Zach managed to keep her from hurting herself on the hard metal edges of the door. He got her away from the truck and sat them both down on the wet grass, holding her while she wore herself out.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he told her loud enough she could hear it over her enraged shouting.
“Let me go!”
Lexi clawed at his arms, but he held on. The sun had just broken free of the horizon and he had hours to patch up the cuts before the blood could draw any nasties.
Slowly, her fighting grew weaker and she sat in the circle of his arms, panting. Zach didn’t dare let go. He didn’t trust her not to try to run again.
“It’s not true,” he said, keeping his voice low and steady. He didn’t want her to think he was angry at her, or give her any reason to believe he meant to harm her. “That was your mom’s journal, wasn’t it?”
“She knew all about you, but it didn’t save her life.” Lexi’s body jerked with a silent sob and it broke Zach’s heart.
“What happened?” he asked.
“She didn’t take her own advice. She slowed down. Didn’t run fast enough. Your pets caught her one night when I went to the store for groceries. I came back to the motel and all that was left was . . . pieces.”
She shuddered against the memory, and Zach’s arms tightened around her and he stroked her hair with his cheek. The comfort he offered was meager, but he didn’t know what else to do. He knew better than to think he could fix this for her. Her mother was dead. No one could fix that.
“I grabbed her journal and my suitcase, and left. Thank God I had just gotten my driver’s license and was old enough to drive.”
How frightened she must have been. So young, all alone, on the run. If only she’d known the truth then, she could have come to live at Dabyr. He could have taken care of her and helped her move past her mother’s murder. He could have taught her the truth slowly, while he still had time to be patient with her.
But she hadn’t known the truth and she hadn’t come to Dabyr. All she’d had to guide her was that journal full of lies.
Zach wanted to be angry at her mother for misleading Lexi, but he just couldn’t. She might have been wrong, but at least she cared enough to do what she thought she had to to protect Lexi. And in a way, it had worked. Lexi was here in his arms, safe and sound, and she was damn well going to stay that way.
“I think we need to talk about the journal,” he told her gently. “I read some of it, and there are a lot of things in there that are simply not true.”
“Of course you’d say that,” spat Lexi.
He ignored her venom. “Let’s start with the part about how the Synestryn are our pets. That’s flat-out wrong. They are our enemies. Monsters.”
He could feel her listening. Her body went still and her head turned so she could hear him better. “Whatever it was that killed your mother, it wasn’t one of the Sentinels, nor was it done by our orders. We don’t hurt humans. We protect them.”
“Easy to say.”
“But not always easy to do, I know. We fail sometimes, like we did with your mother. I can’t tell you how sorry I am about that, but I swear to you that if I’d known either of you existed, I would have done whatever it took to keep you safe.”
“You would have kidnapped us, like you did Helen.”
“Is that what you think?” How could she be so wrong? Who had fed her mother these lies? Certainly not the Synestryn. Only a few of their kind could even speak, and those that could were so monstrous that no sane person would have gotten close enough to have a conversation of any length.
So where had the lies come from?
“Helen is safe back at home. You’ll see once we get there that she’s happy.”
“Only because you drug her, like you try to do me when you touch me. Your skin is some kind of weapon.”
A slow smile pulled at Zach’s mouth. “Do you feel drugged when I touch you?”
“Yes.”
“Is it nice?”
“No,” she said, but he could hear the lie in the way her voice quivered.
He liked knowing he could make her feel good with his touch. He liked it a lot. In fact, he had to stop himself from sliding his palms over her bare arms. As much as he wanted to, he had more important things to think about—like clearing up the lies between them.
“It’s not a drug, Lexi. I’ve been trying to tell you that since I met you. We’re meant to be together. All you have to do is put my luceria on and you’ll see the truth. I won’t hide anything from you.”
“I won’t let you collar me.”
Zach’s back teeth ground in frustration. He knew that if she just looked inside his mind, she’d see the truth, but he couldn’t get her to trust him enough to do it. He had more than twenty years of lies to erase—lies that were tied to Lexi by bands of loyalty to her mother. That wasn’t going to be something easy for her to give up. He was going to have to be patient, but he didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to hold out.