“Probably not. But you can’t really help who you’re attracted to, can you?”
“No, you can’t help that.” I knew he was talking about me, and I suddenly found my shoes fascinating. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.” He looked so concerned.
“I’m fine. Keeping busy. Is that the only reason you asked me to meet you?” I wanted to sound calm, even if my insides were all churned up.
“No. I wanted to ask you for a favor.”
“Sure. What?”
He smiled. “No, a favor. When knights used to joust, ladies would give them their favor. Some kind of token, like a ribbon or scarf, that was usually the colors of the lady’s house. Knights would put it on their lance; I want to put your favor on my mallet.”
That was a weird thing to ask for. “My house doesn’t have colors.”
“Maybe your favorite color then?”
“Okay. Give me a second.” I went back to my room. I never wore ribbons, because I wasn’t six, and I had never been all that into scarves. But I needed something small that could fit around a handle.
I literally had nothing that would work. My shirt was too big. I didn’t have red socks. My lipstick wouldn’t work. The only thing I had was . . . I picked up a pair of red lace underwear from my drawer.
I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that if I took these back with me nothing would happen. I knew if I handed these over to Dante, that he would definitely think it meant something.
And I couldn’t say it didn’t. I was feeling depressed and bad about myself and the world in general. Not because I’d had any feelings for Salvatore, but because of what he represented. Another cheating man. Who wanted someone other than me.
I wanted to feel wanted. Dante wanted me. We had already kissed once, and I knew he would kiss me again.
He was very tempting. Like in an Eve-introducing-Adam-to-apples kind of way. Gorgeous, masculine, charming, smart—all the things I loved in a man. It would be fun.
Maybe it was wrong to use him that way. It was another bad habit of mine—some loser would cheat on me, and I’d find some random guy to take my mind off of it for a few hours. After which I would feel sick and gross for treating myself so badly, and always promised that I would change. That next time I would do better.
But this time I wouldn’t let things go very far. I would keep it casual and under control. A few kisses never hurt anybody, right?
I decided to ignore the fact that it made no sense that I had dated Salvatore to stay away from Dante and now I would use Dante to feel better about myself. I never claimed to be totally logical. Or sensible. As I was about to prove.
I came back into his room and shut the door behind me. He looked up at me expectantly, and I walked over to where he sat on the bed, pulling the underwear out of my pocket and handing them to him.
He quickly realized what I had done, and said, “I don’t think I understand.”
“Don’t you?” I stepped closer to him so that my legs were positioned in between his, and I rested my hands on his shoulders. I liked the way my heart went into a free fall whenever I was this close to him. How my whole body seemed to hum with anticipation.
He put both of his hands on my waist, and I let out a little gasp. My pulse slowed and thudded loudly.
Being near him was like that moment before you stepped out on stage, waiting in the wings for your cue, nervous and excited and giddy, adrenaline pumping through your veins, your nerves crackling with excitement. Kissing him before had been like doing the best routine of your life in front of a packed theater, with everyone standing and applauding you.
I wanted to feel that again. Putting my no-kissing-guys-first rule aside, I started to lean in and he stayed put, waiting for me to come to him. “There’s no one here to get jealous over this kiss,” he said in a low voice.
“I don’t need an audience,” I whispered back.
I moved in slowly, inching my way closer to him, letting the anticipation grow.
Chapter 10
Have I ever mentioned that red is definitely my favorite color now?
But just before I kissed him, he said, “Limone, wait.”