I saw tears in her eyes and genuine regret but it was too little too late.
“I’m glad you found your way back to that boy. You were always so sweet together. He was wonderful with both of you girls.”
“He still is.” And I knew he always would be. Where he was is where I needed to be, not here on these church steps . . . only I had a stop to make on my way out of town first.
I didn’t bother with good-byes. I didn’t bother with a final look or a wave. I just left it as it was. The door was finally closed. I wasn’t being run out of town, I was leaving with a clear and important destination in mind. I wasn’t running from my past. I was heading purposefully toward my future, and it made me full and complete in a way all my bouncing around from place to place never had.
Before I got to where I was going, I pulled over to the side of a dusty road and jumped out of the rented SUV that was packed full with my sister’s personal effects so that I could gather a fistful of Texas bluebells in my hands. They matched the field of flowers on my back so perfectly that it made me smile and had my heart swelling. I gently laid them on the empty seat next to me and drove the rest of the way to the cemetery that was about thirty minutes outside of Loveless’s city limits.
It seemed like a really forgotten and lonely place. There was no bright green grass and rows of elegant headstones decorated with every kind of flower under the sun. Instead the ground was covered in brownish-green remnants of grass and the headstones looked sunbaked and worn. There were no other mourners milling about or paying respects, so all I had was a six-year-old’s memory of where to find the grave site I was looking for. It took longer to find her than it should have, and by the time I did, the bluebells looked a little sad. It was fitting. The whole atmosphere was somber and I was a little surprised that tears sprang to my eyes as soon as I saw the inscription on the plain headstone.
Gloria St. James
1975–1996
A Loving Mother with a Beautiful Smile
I wondered who had added the last part if it was only her and Rowdy, but I was glad it was there for him to see whenever he managed to make his way back here to see it. I crouched down and rested the flowers next to the cold stone and sort of just fell to my knees as I stared at the grave. I had so many things I wanted to say, felt like I had to catch her up on her son’s entire life, but nothing could make it around the lump in my throat.
I took a second, let a few tears fall, and then cleared my throat.
“Hello, Gloria, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Salem Cruz and I’m hopelessly in love with your son.”
I had to clear my throat again and my vision got hazy as moisture collected in the corners of my eyes. This was a lot harder than I had thought it was going to be when Rowdy had asked me to do it outside the hospital.
“I’ve known him most of my life and he has always been a good soul. You brought a wonderful man into this world and I just know you would be so proud of him and the life he has made for himself. He carries you very close to his heart.”
I reached out and traced her name where it was etched in stone. It matched the tattoo on Rowdy’s side almost perfectly.
“It took us a long time to figure things out, but now that we have, he really wanted me to be the first and last woman in his life that meets his mom.” I was crying in earnest now because of how important this moment was. It really solidified the resolution that Rowdy wanted me as his forever. “I’m going to do everything in my power to take care of him for you for the rest of my life. I just want you to know that.”
I let my head fall forward and I squeezed my eyes shut. Emotion and a lifetime of what could have been swirled all around me. I felt a hot breeze move some of my hair off of where it was sticking to my neck and the sweet scent of the flowers floated up into my nose. I put my hands on my thighs and lifted my head back up as I gazed thoughtfully at the headstone.
“I’m not going to waste moments ever again. I’ll bring him back here so you can see how amazing he is and so that you don’t ever have to wonder if he found someone to love him after you. He has me, he has an entire family he found for himself, and he has all the wonderful memories of you.”
The wind moved again, sending the petals of the flowers I had laid down dancing. I felt like it was time to go. I kissed my fingers and touched her name. I climbed to my feet and headed back to the SUV. Walking away from my own parents felt final and hollow. Saying good-bye to Rowdy’s mom felt peaceful and right. I felt like she had somehow given me her blessing to keep her son’s heart safe for her. It was a task I was going to dedicate myself to until the end of time.
I texted Rowdy to let him know I would be back home sometime the following evening and freaked out just a little when he replied that he was back at his own apartment because Poppy was having a really hard time being around any guy at the moment. I hadn’t been brave enough to ask her if Oliver had sexually assaulted her as well as beaten her and she hadn’t volunteered the information, but the evidence seemed to be pointing in that direction.
I called to check on her, and after an awkward conversation with a bunch of single-syllable answers, I hung up after making her promise over and over again that she was okay. She told me she was just jumpy and that Rowdy was too big. Accidently running into him in the hallway, or bumping into him coming out the bathroom, was just too much for her nerves right now, so she had asked him to go home. He hadn’t wanted to, was still hovering over her, trying to help her feel safe, but that was just exacerbating the problem. I told her I would be home soon and she laughed and told me I needed to just get to my guy. Apparently, after the run-in by the bathroom, she was well aware of what I was missing out on and was all for me getting back between the sheets with Rowdy and every fun thing he was working with. I didn’t disagree, so I hung up with every intention of Rowdy’s place being my first stop as soon as I hit the Mile High.
WHEN I PUT THE key he had given me in the door to his apartment it felt like the end of a long journey. Really it was only a little over twelve hours and I had stopped to nap once along the way, but it still felt like too long since I had seen his face or been able to touch all that toned and tattooed skin. Jimbo greeted me at the door when I pushed it open. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and he jumped up and put his paws on my legs. He was going to be huge when he finally grew into his fuzzy body and I was overwhelmed at how happy I was to see him. I dropped to my knees and rubbed my face in his neck as he licked me all over my face. I was obviously missed and I had to say it was just one more reason I knew I was finally where I was supposed to be.
It was late, so the apartment was dark. I checked the dog’s food and water, trying to be quiet in case Rowdy was already asleep. I was winding my way toward his bedroom when a haphazardly discarded sketch pad lying on the couch caught my eye in the dim light. I paused for a minute to pick it up and felt my heart stop and then start to race as I flipped through the first few pages.
There were a couple of drawings that were obviously for clients, tattoos that hadn’t made it from paper to skin yet, but most of the pristine white pages were covered with images wearing my face. There was mermaid me, and naughty-sailor-girl me. There was sassy Indian girl me with long Pocahontas braids and there was sexy devil me standing next to angelic me. There were dozens of them all in different shapes and sizes, but every single image was undoubtedly modeled after my distinct look. I wasn’t sure if he had drawn them all over this last week while I had been gone or over the months we had been chasing each other in circles. Either way it made my heart swell and the full certainty that I was it for him settle deep inside my bones.
I set the pad down and tiptoed through the hall. Jimbo took one look at where I was going and huffed out a disgusted-sounding snort. The poor guy had learned early on that he wanted no part of what happened between his humans when they were together in the bedroom.
The light was off and Rowdy was sprawled on his stomach across the covers. His blond hair was sticking up everywhere and he hand one arm bent up under his head. The only thing that could have made the sight better would have been if he hadn’t bothered with the black boxers before crashing out. Even with them obscuring the view, I couldn’t complain. I let out a breathless sigh and crept closer so that I could lean over and touch my lips to that anchor on the side of his neck. I felt his pulse leap and tasted the salt on his skin as he murmured sleepily and rolled over onto his back.
Those infinitely blue eyes glowed at me in the dark as a grin pulled up the corner of his mouth.
“Hey.”
I was leaning over him, so I bent down to kiss him quickly and rub the end of my nose against his.
“Hey.”
He reached up a hand and tangled it in my hair where it slid over my shoulder and landed on his chest.
“How did it go?”
I sighed and lifted a hand to trace my fingers along that scrolling tattoo along his rib cage. The ink and name that rested there seemed so much more important to me now than it had before. “I met your mom and said good-bye. It broke my heart just a little bit, but I’m so happy you asked me to go and see her. And I may have threatened my father with a sex tape.” The last was muttered under my breath as his eyebrows shot up and he used his grip on my hair to pull me over him so that we were both sprawled across the bed.
“Do you have a sex tape?”
“Hell no, but he doesn’t know that and he wouldn’t put it past me. Surprisingly my mom stepped up to the plate and agreed to leave Poppy be. She admitted that she f**ked up pretty majorly. I wish it mattered.”
His chest moved as he sighed. “It’s too late for any of it to matter now.”
“That’s kind of how I looked at it. How’s Poppy doing?”
He swore a little bit and shifted under me. There was evidence of how much he missed me the last week poking me in the hip. It made me smile and had me wiggling enticingly on top of his hard body.
“Not good. She’s withdrawn, jumpy. She doesn’t want anyone to touch her and she wakes up screaming almost every single night. Sayer is really good with her, but I’m worried.”
I nodded and brushed my mouth over the flat nipple that was closest to my mouth. I heard him suck in a breath and it made me smile against his skin.
“Me, too. I think we’re just going to have to stand strong for her and wait until Poppy’s ready for us to help. My sister is stronger than any of us ever thought.” My voice got husky on its own accord.
“She is.” I felt his hands tighten in my hair as he pulled my head up so that he could devour my mouth with his own. “I missed you.” I could taste his missing me in the way he kissed me and held me. He also sounded just as rough and needy as I did.
“I missed you, too.” And I was past ready to show him just how much.
I moved my mouth down to the other side of his chest so I could run my tongue around the other flat disk and worked my hands down his sides so that I could get them under the waistband of his boxers. I gave the rock-hard globes of his ass a squeeze for good measure and worked the dark fabric out of my way. He helped set his straining erection free and the taut skin burned in my hand and I wrapped it around the turgid shaft. I loved the way his body throbbed and pulsed at my touch. It was a heady thing to know this was the way he always responded to me.
I used my thumb to caress the hot metal that rested on the top of the head of his c**k and looked up to see blue blazing down at me.
“Thank you for coming back to me.” His voice sounded like a love song.
I used the hand that wasn’t around his dick to draw a heart on his chest with my finger. “Always. I love you. Thank you for always being there for me to come back to.” I moved my thumb to play with the bottom of the piercing and he groaned.
“I don’t think I’ve ever not been in love with you, Salem.”
I kissed the place on his chest where I could feel his heart thundering in time to every sweep of my thumb and every twist of my wrist. I let go and started to slide my hand up and down as he went stiff underneath me.