They’d never done anything slow and quiet in all their time together. Might be an interesting change of pace. If it was even possible.
“Slow and quiet.” She ran a gentle hand over his hard pecs, pausing to stroke the tiny bead of one nipple.
“This will be a challenge,” he whispered. “Do you realize I haven’t had you for 68 hours?”
She chuckled. He knew how long it had been to the hour? “How many minutes is that?”
“Too damned many.”
He rolled on top of her. She tensed. “Wait, I’m not ready yet.”
“Shhhh. No more words.”
He buried his hands in her hair and tilted her head back, exposing her neck to his questing lips. She sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing beneath him. She should’ve known he wouldn’t just shove it inside without any consideration for her pleasure. This was Sed. Not a selfish bone in his body. Well, on most occasions.
She opened her eyes, staring at the ceiling, her chest filling with emotion. She’d been so very wrong about him for so long. How would she ever make amends to him? He caressed her skin gently and shifted upward to look her in the eye.
“Bored?”
It probably did look that way. Her staring off into space while he worked at exciting her body. “Never.” She pulled her hand from under the covers to touch his face. “Sed?”
“Look, if you’re not into this—”
She silenced him by pressing a finger to his lips. “I don’t want this to just be about sex anymore. I want…” What did she want? “I want you to make love to me.”
“Isn’t that just sex?”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not. It’s so much more.”
“Jess, I’m exhausted, I’m not sure I can live up to your expectations.”
He didn’t get what she meant. And she was too afraid to clarify. Maybe she’d work up the courage to bring it up again at a later time. She just couldn’t force her pride down enough to put her mistakes about him to words. I was wrong, Sed. So wrong. Why couldn’t she say it? She felt it. Remorse for hurting him. Regret for time lost between them.
“That’s okay,” she said. “I’m sure whatever you have in mind will be wonderful.”
His fingers moved between her thighs, stroking her to excitement quickly.
“I just want to be inside you,” he whispered. “Where I belong.”
She reached for his cock, gently stroking its length up and down. Touching him fueled her excitement. His fingers dipped inside her, testing her readiness. She opened her legs for him and urged him to settle his hips between her thighs. Resting on his elbows, he looked down at her in the lamplight. “Help me find you, Jess.”
Why did she feel like those words held more than one meaning?
She guided him into her body and he slid into her slowly, never taking his eyes from hers. He captured her wrists and pinned them to the bed on either side of her head. Why did he do that? She didn’t like him to overpower her.
“Don’t hold me down.”
“I’m not holding you down, I’m holding myself up.” He released her wrists and kissed her temple. “How do you want me to hold you?”
“I don’t know. Equal.” Equal? Even she wasn’t sure what she meant by that.
He stretched her arms above her head and linked his fingers with her. “Is that okay?”
He withdrew slightly from her body and pressed deeper. Her back arched. “That’s wonderful.”
They stared into each other’s eyes as Sed found an agonizingly slow rhythm. She couldn’t decide if it was the connection between their bodies or the one between their souls that gave her greater pleasure. She couldn’t look away from his gaze. And she didn’t want sexual release. She just wanted to be with him. Forever, like this. Together.
“I always want to be a part of you,” he whispered.
Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t help it. “You always are a part of me, Sed. Even when we’re apart.”
“Yeah. I feel like that, too.”
She struggled to free her hands from his, and reached up to grab the back of his neck. She lifted her head and kissed him passionately. When she drew away, he grinned at her crookedly. “Are you trying to get me excited now?”
“You weren’t excited before?”
He looked like someone caught in a lie. “Well…”
She chuckled. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop trying to get you excited.”
“I’m excited in a whole different place,” he said. “Well, yeah, there.” He swiveled his eyes pointedly in the direction their bodies were joined. “That’s always excited when you’re near. But other things are excited, too.”
She tightened her sheath around him and wriggled her hips, massaging him inside her.
He gasped and his eyes drifted closed. “Ah, okay, mostly just that part now.”
His thrusts into her body didn’t intensify however.
“If it’s okay with you,” he said, “I’d just like to concentrate on feeling you around me. Knowing I’m a part of you.”
“That’s perfectly okay with me.” She liked this closeness. It greatly differed from their usual need for excitement and intense pleasure, yet satisfied her in a way she couldn’t explain.
Jessica lost track of time, but it must have been at least an hour later when they finally sought release together. Her pleasure had built slowly, so when it finally unleashed, her entire body writhed beneath him in ecstasy. She somehow kept herself from screaming, but couldn’t quiet her excited gasps. He let go a moment later, not his usual growling, cursing display of insanity. His mouth fell open in wonder, his head tilted back. He held his breath and stared into her eyes as he spent himself inside her.
He drew her against him and kissed her temple. “I love you,” he whispered. “I can’t keep it inside any longer. I know you don’t feel the same—I can live with that—but it doesn’t change how I feel. I love you so much I can’t breathe sometimes.”
She hugged him, her heart too full to repeat the words. She’d say them as soon as she could find air. She tried to relax, but her entire body remained tense in his arms for several moments. She didn’t think she was ready for this. She did care about him. She did. But she still didn’t feel his equal and it was something she needed to be happy. She wanted a partner, not a dictator.