I’d had other boyfriends who cared more. After I fled to New York, I dated a few others. They were decent lovers, but they kept getting serious about me, asking questions about my family and my life. I told one or two of them the truth, but that made them uncomfortable around me, as if they were afraid I’d steal their wallets. I tried the silent treatment with a few guys, refusing to talk about my past. Unfortunately, it made them feel shut out and hurt. I even tried lying to one man, making up a fictitious childhood, with aunts and uncles and cousins and such. But it was too much trouble to maintain a lie that big, with so many details. One evening, I slipped up on something, and he caught it. The lie was quickly exposed, and the relationship didn’t last much longer.

So Roman’s disinterest in my life made him perfect—he never asked me questions. And for the past five years, we made it work. He spent his time being critical of the world and suspicious of everything in it. The only things he cared about were his reefer, his unstylish hats, and his ever-changing facial hair. Way too cool for someone as popular as Alejandro, who he accused of selling out.

But I didn’t care if Alejandro was popular. His lyrics were edgy, and his rocking techno beats were wonderfully danceable. I also loved that he played guitar and sang his songs with a smooth and seductive voice. In his shows, he’d expand each song and make it into an elaborate spectacle. The stage would be filled with backup musicians and dancers, lights and videos, but Alejandro always stood out, the center of attention. Whenever he came to New York City, I found a way to see him. And when we were kids, Elle, Jay, and the rest of us would sneak into every show we could.

His latest video was one of my favorites because the music was so exotic. In the video, a shirtless Alejandro danced on the streets of Los Angeles. The song was a delight to hear, and even more of a delight to watch. Ridiculously handsome, he was one of my guilty pleasures, so I indulged myself and let the video play to the end.

Hale stared at me for a few seconds after the video was over. “You’ve seen this already, haven’t you?”

I nodded. “Lots of times.”

“Don’t tell me you still have a crush on him. Seriously, Dee, you need a man.”




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