“Because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me.”
He didn’t speak for what had to be a full minute, the longest minute of her life. She refused to move, refused to say anything until he did.
“Yes, dammit. Because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. You saw what I did to Rex, what I did to that other guy during initiation. I have that violence in me, Jessie, and someday I’ll turn it on you.”
“You don’t use it against someone you love, Diaz. You’ve never hurt me.”
“It’s only a matter of time.”
This was where she had to throw the gauntlet down. This was where she had to test him.
She eased back, exhaled. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m wasting my time and making a fool of myself chasing after you.”
She saw the confusion in his eyes, and knew she had to follow through. “I’m tired, Diaz. So damn tired of throwing myself at you and having you push me away. I’m a full-grown woman and I have a woman’s needs and desires. It’s damn time I find someone who’ll fulfill those desires for me.”
She pushed off the desk and moved toward the door.
“Jessie, what are you talking about?”
“You asked me before why I remained a virgin for so long. I told you because I was picky. I think it’s time I stop being so picky. You taught me to love sex, Diaz. And you taught me about love. I’ve decided I want them both in my life. If you refuse to give them to me, I’m going to find someone who will.”
She opened the door to his room, walked out, and headed to her own.
It was a gamble. A risky one.
She fought back tears when he followed her to her room, pushed open the door she tried to close in his face.
“What the hell are you doing?”
She lifted her top off and tossed it to the floor. He quickly shut the door to keep prying eyes from getting a peek. She went to her closet and found her leather corset, the one that made her br**sts spill over the top. As she put it on, she turned to him. “I’m going to go out and get a life, Diaz. Do you mind?”
His jaw clenched in that dangerous way she found so sexy. He didn’t say anything as she zipped up the corset and went in search of her leathers.
“So you’re going to dress in your sexiest clothes and go find you a man, huh?”
“I don’t know. I just need to get out. Whether I find a man or not remains to be seen.”
“Where are you going?”
“Not sure. AJ and Pax are in from their mission. They said something about a new biker bar in downtown Dallas. Thought I’d go with them tonight.”
“AJ and Pax are party animals.”
She slipped on the leather pants, watching the way his eyes darkened as she zipped up the side. Now for her boots.
“AJ and Pax can take care of themselves. And so can I.” She sat on her chair and added her high-heeled boots to finish off the outfit, then stood, went to the mirror to apply lipstick.
“Christ, Jessie, dressed like that do you know what guys are gonna think?”
She whipped around and advanced on him. “Look, Diaz. I don’t need a father. Never had one, never missed it. I need a man who’ll love me, who wants to be with me. I’m never going to chase after a man again. If one wants me he can goddamn well come to me and tell me all the reasons why I should let him have me. Now get the hell out of my way. I’m tired of being cast aside. I’m going to party.”
She pushed him aside and stormed over to the elevator, grateful it was open and waiting for her. She jammed the button and rode it downstairs, then stalked across the main floor, ignoring the gaping stares of Spence, AJ, and Pax as she hit the security code opening the lower level elevator leading to the parking garage.
“I’m hitting that new club downtown,” she threw over her shoulder. “If anyone wants to come with me, let’s go. Otherwise, I’ll be back later.”
She didn’t wait for replies, just stepped into the elevator, took it down, and exited outside. The cool air helped clear the fog of anger out of her head.
Diaz didn’t care. He wasn’t going to follow.
Like so many men she’d heard about before—he didn’t want her, but he didn’t want anyone else to have her, either.
That was just too damn bad, because she was dead serious. She refused to sit around and wait for him any longer. She’d done her best to try and make him feel better.
Sometimes your best wasn’t good enough.
Sometimes you had to know when to throw in the towel and surrender.
“YOU’RE JUST GOING TO LET HER GO OUT—LIKE THAT?”
Diaz stared at the closed elevator door. He’d made it down to the main level, watched Jessie leave. Now he stood with Pax and AJ, who glared at him with expectant looks.
Why the hell were they looking at him? “I’m not her keeper.”
Pax hit him with a narrowed look. “Dude, unless you’re blind, it’s obvious she has a thing for you.”
“Yeah,” AJ added. “A thing called love. So what are you going to do about it?”
It just figured that Grange picked that moment to walk out of his office and into the main lounge. “What’s going on?”
“Jessie just walked out of here, pissed as hell and dressed to kill,” Pax said, folding his arms and leaning against the elevator door.
Grange lifted a brow and looked at Diaz. “Is that so?”
Diaz rolled his eyes. “What?”
Grange shrugged. “Nothing.” He looked to Pax. “Where’s she headed?”
“Some new club downtown we told her about.”
“You’re going with her.”
That wasn’t a question. That was a command. Pax and AJ headed for their rooms. “Yeah, I guess we are.”
“Don’t. I’ll do it.”
They both stopped. Stared at Grange, then at Diaz.
“Are you sure about that?” Grange asked.
He knew what Grange was asking.
“Yeah. I’m sure. Pax, give me the name and address of the club.”
Within an hour he’d showered and driven to the new club on the outskirts of downtown. Trendy, lit up with neon, and absolutely packed. A line formed all the way down the block, with a mean-looking bouncer taking names at the door. Fortunately, AJ knew the guy and had already called ahead and gotten Diaz an in. He walked right up to the front, much to the dismay of the younger set lining the sidewalk who groaned and booed at him as he was granted entry through the black double doors of Hot Shots.
Music blasted his eardrums as soon as he stepped in. Loud, with a bass beat guaranteed to make you want to jump on the dance floor and shake your ass.
If you were into that kind of thing, which he wasn’t. He searched for and found a long, black bar with well-padded armrests, ordered a double shot of Jack Daniel’s, and downed it in one gulp. The burn made his eyes water, but it helped. He turned and searched the packed club. Bodies crowded every available space. People mingled around, some standing, others occupying seats at the booths and tables. The rest gyrated on the oversized dance floor, packed together like sardines and bumping up against each other.
If he was going to find Jessie, he was going to have to take a walk.
As he did, he realized pretty quickly that this place was nothing more than a meat market. Women sizing up men, their eager, hungry stares making it all too evident what they were shopping for. And the men were just as obvious, leaning in, suggestive, groping and grasping if they could get away with it. Enough alcohol was flowing that a lot of them could.
Had he ever been this young and stupid? Yeah, sadly, he had been. As he made his way through the press of bodies, he got plenty of looks from girls about Jessie’s age. Women scoping out his body, throwing off signals that they were open to his approach. Some even stopped him, touched his jacket, asked if he wanted a dance or if they could buy him a drink.
He wasn’t interested. Not in them, anyway.
Tables and booths were spread throughout the club, the dance floor set right in the middle. That’s where he found Jessie, undulating between two guys as a sexy, suggestive song played. They splayed their hands across her stomach and back and she swung her h*ps between them both, her arms raised above her head, her eyes closed as she swayed back and forth to the music. Her lips parted, her tongue darted out to sweep across her bottom lip.
One guy put his hand on her throat to draw her face toward his. Jessie opened her eyes, laughed, and tilted her head away from his. He tried again; she palmed his chest and pushed him off, turning away from him to dance with the other guy, who wrapped an arm around her waist and brought her close to his chest.
Diaz inhaled, fought back the rising fury brought on by seeing hands all over her.
He had no right to be angry. Jessie wasn’t his. She could do whatever she wanted, with whomever she wanted to do it with.
He’d laid down those rules, pushed her away time and time again because it was the right thing to do.
But goddammit, that wasn’t what he wanted.
He pushed his way through the crowd and toward Jessie. She spotted him when he was a few feet away, kept on dancing. In fact, she turned her back to him, reaching behind her to pull the second guy closer.
That wasn’t going to work. Diaz tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up.
“Get lost.”
Since Diaz was about a foot taller and forty pounds heavier, the dude apparently decided it wasn’t worth putting up a fight. He shrugged and left the dance floor. When Diaz offered a menacing stare to the one in front of Jessie, he took a hike, too.
Jessie turned around to face him. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Dance with me.”
“Fuck you.” She started to push past him, but he grabbed her arm.
She looked where he held her, then up at him, her eyes blazing fury even in the darkened club. “Let me go, Diaz. Now.”
He released her arm and she stalked off the dance floor. He followed as she grabbed her jacket off a barstool and went out the front door to the parking lot.
He’d parked the Camaro next to her bike, so he stood in front of her.
“Jess, we need to talk.”
“I’m talked out. I need you to leave me the hell alone.”
He refused to get out of her way so she could get on her bike.
“Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to follow you? Okay, you got me here, so we’re going to talk.”
“It’s not what I wanted. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to do anything with you anymore. I’m through trying to talk to you only to end up nowhere. Go back home, Diaz.”
They’d drawn a crowd, including some beefy guys, no doubt bouncers from the club. They made their approach. Great. Just what he didn’t need right now.
“This guy bothering you, ma’am?”
A tall, thick, bald-headed dude approached, his arms nearly as wide as his neck.
“Get lost,” Diaz said. “We’re talking.”
“Okay, that’s enough.” The bald guy stepped between Diaz and Jessie. “You need to get out of here and leave the lady alone.”
“The lady and I are fine. We don’t need your interference.”
The bald guy got in his space. Diaz took a step forward. If this guy wanted to rumble, then Diaz was all for it. He could already feel the heat rushing through his veins, priming him for battle. And he was just damned irritated enough to want to pummel this Neanderthal. Jessie didn’t need protecting. Not from him.
But Jessie pushed her way between the two of them, tilted her head back, and locked eyes with Diaz.
“Don’t do this. Please.”
He was about to move Jessie out of the way, but there was something in the way she looked at him that made him pause. Her eyes, so clear, pleading with him, finally reaching through the thick haze of anger, reminding him that he did have something to lose by letting his anger take control.
Her.
This had to end. Not just for her, but for himself.
He took a step back, raised his hands, palm side up. “Sorry, man,” he said to the bouncer. “I don’t want a fight here.”
Diaz had never backed away in his entire life. It pained him to do it now—made him feel like a coward. But he had to.
For Jessie. For himself. There was nothing to win here, and everything to lose.
He gave her his hand, held it out, and for some odd reason he felt as if it was his heart that he held there for her to either take or walk away from. Yeah, stupid thought, but there it was.
Her lips tilted upward, she slid her hand in his. “Let’s go.”
He nodded to the bouncer, who nodded back and turned to walk away, shuffling the gathering crowd with him.
It was over.
“Let’s take a ride.”
“Okay,” she said.
He opened the door for her and she slid into the passenger seat. He got in, started up the engine, and drove.
They rode in silence. He knew exactly where he wanted to take her. The night was clear, the moon high and bright without a cloud in the sky, the only sound the revving purr of the Camaro’s engine. He pulled into the park, deserted this time of night, found a nice spot—well secluded by draping willow trees—and pulled over, cutting the engine.
Now that they were here, he found it hard to find the right starting place. He stared out the windshield at the willow branches swaying in the breeze.
She wasn’t going to talk first, not this time, and he knew it. This was up to him. He might as well start with the most important things first.
“I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”
She didn’t answer.
“I don’t do relationships, Jess. I never have. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s all I have. I don’t know how to handle loving someone, because I’ve never loved anyone before.” He paused, turned to face her. “But I do love you. Remember when I told you that nothing scares me?”