Shit. Wasn’t this just fucked up? He couldn’t have her, but he didn’t want to see her with anyone else. What the hell was he going to do with all this . . . feeling? He knew he shouldn’t have touched her.
“You’ve gone quiet on me,” she said, tracing his bottom lip with her fingertip.
“Thinking about the mission.”
“You have a naked woman lying next to you and you’re thinking about work?” She frowned, but her lips quirked.
“If it helps any, you’re included in that thought process.”
“It helps . . . a little. But still, shouldn’t you be wholly focused on sex . . . with me?”
“That is part of the ‘work’ I was thinking about.”
“I see. So now having sex with me is work.”
Diaz laughed, grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged. “Hell yes, it’s work. I have to please you, don’t I?”
“All you have to do is look at me and I’m pleased.”
Damn. Sometimes Jessie made it so easy. And so hard at the same time. “You should get some sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep.” She splayed her hands across his chest, began to move them down, over his stomach, pushing him so he lay on his back. He let her have her way. She climbed on top of him, sitting astride him. His dick paid attention, growing, with a mind of its own.
So much for thinking about work, for telling himself sex with Jessie was a onetime thing.
“There’s so much you can teach me,” she said, rocking her pussy against his now fully-hard cock.
He grabbed her hips and dragged her along his length. “Oh yeah? And what would you like to learn?”
Her eyes went all liquidy soft, pools he could get lost in if he let himself, a constant reminder to keep this physical only, not to get involved.
“All kinds of things. Your body, for instance.”
“I think you’ve had plenty of body play.”
“Oh not nearly enough. I want to touch you all over, Diaz. Taste every inch of you. See what you like and what you don’t like. Do you know some men like to have a finger slid in their ass during sex?”
“Jesus, Jessie! Where the hell did you learn stuff like that?”
She grinned. “I used to lift the guys’ porn movies and sneak them into my room. That’s how I learned about sex.”
He rolled his eyes. “Great. Just great.”
She shrugged. “It’s not like I had girlfriends to discuss sex with. And sure as hell Grange or any of you guys weren’t going to talk to me about it.”
She had that right. The thought of sitting a teenaged Jessie down and having a conversation about sex made him cringe. But porn movies? Good God. What the hell had she learned watching those?
“So I figured some of it out on my own. And watched movies. Very educational.”
“Hardly. Sex isn’t like what you see in porn movies, Jess.”
She slid her palms over his nipples. They hardened in a rush, making his cock lurch against her pussy. “Sure it is. You get hard. I get wet. It’s basic biology after that. I mean the movies were pretty much bad acting, but I got the idea of how it was done.”
“No, you got all the wrong ideas.”
“This is where you tell me about porn being bad, how it victimizes women, right?”
He snorted. “Women in that industry are typically paid way more than men, so . . . no. But it doesn’t show the true side of relationships, the emotional part of lovemaking between a man and a woman who care about each other. There are big gaps in reality with those movies. Sure, they’re fun to watch as sexual enhancement, but that’s not what sex is about.”
She stilled, sat back, and looked down at him, confusion evident on her face. “Then tell me what I’m missing.”
Someone to care about her. Someone to love her.
That someone could never be him.
And he didn’t know how to respond to Jessie’s question.
What was she missing? She’d gotten her sexual education from watching porn movies. She was missing everything. A part of him wanted to be her teacher . . . to show her all that she was misinformed about. The fun stuff. Dating, emotions, holding hands, getting to know someone first. Talking, laughing, all the fun times you could have with someone. Those breathless, anticipatory moments leading up to making love. The waiting until you couldn’t wait anymore.
The way it should have been for her. Hell, the way it should have been for him, too. All the things he’d never had either, because he hadn’t allowed it.
But hell. What did he know about that other than what he’d read about? He didn’t know how to teach her. He didn’t have relationships. He sure as hell couldn’t base it on what he’d seen growing up. That had been disastrous, ugly, nothing he’d want to pass on to anyone he cared about . . . to any woman at all. That’s why he’d always kept sex simple, uncomplicated, unattached. He’d purposely chosen women who were content with occasional sex and nothing more.
Until Jess. She wanted way more than he’d ever be able to give her. He owed her honesty, if nothing else.
“I can’t give you what you need, Jessie.”
“What is it you think I need?”
“Romance. Relationship.”
Her brows raised. “I thought we were talking about sex.”
“It’s all part of the deal. Or should be for someone like you.”
She climbed off and kneeled next to him. “Why do you always presume to know what’s best for me? What if I just want sex with no strings?”
He grinned. “I know you better than that.”
“I don’t think you really know me at all. I could be perfectly content with you teaching me the ropes, sexually.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Let me ask you a question. If you hadn’t known me for all these years, if you’d just met me at this rally and had the opportunity to be with me here in this room . . . would you?”
“It doesn’t work that way.”
“Just answer the question, Diaz. Are you attracted to me?”
He didn’t understand what kind of game she was playing, but he shrugged and said, “I think you already know the answer to that question.”
“You’d want me.”
“Hell yes.”
He caught the hint of a smile.
“Because?”
“Huh?”
“Why would you want me?”
“Come on, Jessie.”
“Just tell me. Why would you pick me out of, let’s say, all the other women in Crush’s gang?”
“Well first off, because I know you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re not playing the game right. Pretend you didn’t already know me. There are, let me think . . . twenty or so women in his gang? Line them up mentally and tell me why you’d choose me.”
He sighed, closed his eyes, and thought about all the women he’d seen who were members of the Devil’s Skulls. A variety of women to choose from in every shape, color, and size, but in his mind’s eye, Jessie stood out as the one woman he’d want. And he knew why.
He opened his eyes and turned to face her. She stared down at him expectantly. “Because you have a smile that screams sex.”
She pursed her lips, frowned. “That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“You’d want to fuck me because of my smile?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s got to be more than that.”
“Well . . . you also have great tits.”
She snorted and punched his arm. “Dickhead.”
“You asked.”
She looked down at him, studied him. “My smile, huh?”
“Yeah. You smile in this slightly off-kilter way. One side of your mouth curls up just a tiny bit more than the other.”
“It does?”
“Yup.”
“I never noticed that before. So I’m lopsided?”
“No. It’s very sexy, makes you look secretive. It’s like you . . . know things.”
“No doubt about porn movies.”
He laughed. “No doubt.” She really was damned irresistible, and it had nothing to do with her breasts. Yeah, she was beautiful, but it was more than that. He just liked being in the same room with her—her being gorgeous and utterly hot was a bonus. And she did it all naturally. She didn’t affect a pose or attitude to turn a guy on. She was just . . . Jessie, proving it by giving him that lopsided smile right now, and she had no idea she was doing it.
Danger bells clanged loud and clear in his head as he looked up at her, as he reached for her, palming the nape of her neck to draw her down to him.
Don’t do this. Once was bad enough. To continue would be disaster, like drawing too close to the fire. He was in too deep with Jessie, and taking her down with him. He could pull up, knowing this was going nowhere. But Jessie? She was falling. Would she understand that they couldn’t be anything more than this moment, than right now?
Her lips brushed light and easy across his, her breath warm and inviting. Her tongue rimmed his teeth as she explored, then slid inside, searching for his.
He should be the strong one here. But how many times was he going to walk away? That was the coward’s way out. It was time to face it—he wanted her and he was damn well going to have her for as long as he could.
She was a big girl. She understood: he’d made it clear enough that he wasn’t interested in a relationship. He’d never turn Jessie over to the monster that lived inside him. He didn’t trust himself enough to love someone. He cared too much about her to unleash that on her.
Her skin was so soft as she leaned forward, draping herself over him to lean farther into the kiss. He roamed her body, memorizing every lush curve, determined to enjoy these moments while they had them, because this was all going to end once this assignment was over.
But he had her now, right where he wanted her—on top, her body writhing over his while she explored and kissed him, letting her hands roam freely over his chest and shoulders. His dick clamored for attention, rising up between her legs to spear her pussy lips. The wet heat of her body singed him.
“I want inside you.”
“I wanted to play,” she protested, but she rocked against his shaft, shuddering as she did.
She was in no more mood to linger than he was, and he knew it.
“No play. Let’s fuck.”
She gave him that smile again, and leaned over to pull out the drawer next to the bed.
Box of condoms. Thank God she was well prepared.
“Thought I was a sure thing, did you?” he teased.
She snorted as she tore the wrapper and slid the condom over him. “I was hoping.”
He grabbed her hips, lifted her into position, and held his cock so she could mount him. Damn, it was hot as hell seeing his dick disappear into her inch by inch, to watch the way her pussy swallowed him up like that. He felt every heated squeeze of her body as she welcomed him.
Jessie closed her eyes, tilted her head back as she seated herself fully on top of him. Her face bore the most beautiful expression, her body arched perfectly in a bow. She looked almost pained, yet as if she enjoyed an exquisite torture.
He pulsed inside her as her walls contracted around him, and still she hadn’t moved.
“Am I hurting you?” She was so tight, and wasn’t used to having a dick inside her yet.
“I’m fine. Just . . . feeling you.” She tilted her head forward, opened her eyes, and looked at him, her eyes, laden with desire. “It’s an incredible sensation having you inside me, Diaz.”
He’d never known a woman as honest as her, as forthcoming with her emotions. She unraveled him, in both good ways and bad.
“The way you grip my dick makes me want to fuck you hard until I come.”