“We’ve got a lot to talk about,” I say with a broad smile despite the circumstances.
Audrey sits up and gets comfortable, then looks at me excitedly. “Okay, spill.”
Finally, when I can’t procrastinate any longer, I dial Mason’s number. I have a nervous stomach; this must be what normal kids feel like when they break the rules. I hear him pick up and brace for the worst. But the worst doesn’t come.
“Are you all right?” he asks, concerned.
Surprised, I’m silent.
“Daisy, are you there?”
I clear my throat. “Yes,” I say weakly. I clear it again. “I’m here.”
“Are you all right?” Mason asks again.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I wanted…” My voice trails off.
“You wanted to see your friend,” he answers for me.
“Yes,” I say.
“I understand,” Mason says. Then, softer, “I wish you would have talked to me about it.”
“I know, but you were at Wade’s and I just found out and I felt like I needed to be with Audrey right away.”
“How did you get there?” Mason asks.
“Audrey’s brother, Matt, came and picked me up,” I say, rationalizing that it’s the truth; I’m just altering the timeline.
“Uh-huh,” Mason says, like he’s going to ask more about Matt.
“It’s really upsetting,” I say, bringing it back to Audrey.
“I know, Daisy,” Mason says softly. “You let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”
“Anything?” I ask.
“Within reason,” Mason says hesitantly.
I look around to make sure I’m still alone in the McKeans’ kitchen.
“Revive her,” I whisper. “When it happens, I mean. Bring her back.”
Mason actually laughs into the phone. “You know I can’t do that, Daisy,” he says. “As much as I’d like to, you know that I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. When she dies, you stick the needle into her vein. She’ll come back,” I say, tears threatening to crop up again. “Just like me.”
“She’s not just like you,” Mason says. “When I heard where you’d gone and why, I looked into her medical history. Daisy, her body is broken. Irreparable. I can’t give a two-million-dollar treatment to someone it has no chance of working on.”
“Is this about money?” I hiss.
“Not entirely,” Mason answers in a businesslike manner. Sometimes I wish he wasn’t so honest with me. “Things would be different were she in good health to start, but she’s not. Add on top the hefty price tag, and you’ve got two big strikes against doing it. And she’s not even in the program!”
“Maybe God would make an exception,” I murmur.
“You know God doesn’t make exceptions,” Mason says quietly. “No one in; no one out.”
“That’s so… wrong,” I protest. “Revive helps people. Shouldn’t it be helping more people?”
“Perhaps,” Mason says thoughtfully. “But regardless of that, as you well know, the drug doesn’t work on cancer patients.”
“But when was the last time that theory was tested?” I ask, trying to keep my volume in check. “The lab is always updating the formula. Maybe the newest version will work. It’s at least worth a—”
“Daisy?”
I stop talking, but don’t answer.
“Daisy, it won’t work,” he says softly. Mason doesn’t have to finish his sentence; I know what he means. I get a sick feeling in my stomach, so I change the subject.
“When are you coming back?” I ask.
“Will you be okay if we stick to our original plan?” Mason asks. “Returning Monday evening?”
“Yeah,” I mutter.
“Would you like me to ask the McKeans if you could stay at their house tonight? So you’re not all alone?”
“Sure,” I say, with little enthusiasm.
“All right,” Mason says. “I’ll take care of it. But check in with me tomorrow afternoon, okay?”
“I will,” I promise.
“Oh, and Daisy?” Mason says.
“What?” I ask, just wanting to hang up.
“If you ever take off without telling me again, you’re going to be grounded for the rest of your life.”
fifteen
I’m glad, then feel guilty for being glad, when Audrey goes to bed at eight o’clock. I jump in my seat when she abruptly stands and dramatically bids Matt and me farewell, barely one second into the credits for the first movie. After she leaves, we look at each other quizzically from opposite ends of the couch.
“Want to go somewhere?” Matt asks, like he’s been waiting all evening. He’s in jeans; I have on yoga pants.
“This late?” I ask in protest, even though my stomach is flipping at the thought of going somewhere—anywhere—with Matt.
“It’s not so late, Grandma,” he says with a gleam in his eye. He stands up. “I’ll go tell my mom we’re going out for a bit. Get dressed and meet me back down here, unless you want to go outside in your pj’s.
“These aren’t pj’s,” I correct him. “They are stylish loungewear.”
“Do you want to go out in your stylish loungewear?” he asks.
“Not really,” I admit.
Matt heads off to find his mom, and I rush to the guest room—I’m staying in here tonight instead of in Audrey’s room, so I won’t disturb her—and quickly change into jeans, then throw a light sweater over my red shirt. Then I remove the sweater and the red shirt, and put on a purple T-shirt with ruffle embellishments instead. It’s one I borrowed from Audrey that, according to her, “pimps my eyes.” I apply lip gloss, let down my hair, put the sweater back on, and meet Matt downstairs.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi,” I say back.
“You look good,” he says, turning toward the front door.
“Thanks,” I say quietly, following him outside into the warm fall evening.
I climb into the passenger seat of his car. It feels and smells familiar, thanks to our ride from Kansas City. Matt starts the engine and plugs in his iPhone—or maybe it’s Audrey’s—then quickly turns down the dial from full blast to normal. I roll down my window halfway to let the fresh air into my lungs. Matt rolls his down, too.
My favorite song ever begins as Matt pulls away from the curb. A breeze sends a waft of Matt’s shampoo my way, and that combined with the fresh scent of the fall air that still wants to be summer makes me want to inhale and hold my breath until I might die if I don’t let it out. I look at Matt’s profile again and he must feel my gaze because he smiles even though his eyes are still on the road.
The perfectness of the moment makes me think of Audrey and all the moments like this that she won’t have.
It makes me mad at Mason, until I realize that it’s not his fault.
It’s the program’s.
“What are you thinking about?” Matt asks.
Once again, I consider breaking my vows and Mason’s trust and telling Matt about the Revive program. But then I remember Mason’s uneasy feeling; I remember the strange call to Sydney, and the way that God wanted to move up the tests. Something is going on, and telling our secrets definitely won’t help the situation.