Was that it? Could that be John’s unspoken acceptance? He’d told Brent he wouldn’t fight the reuniting of Tony’s family. And what had he said at Everwood? He’d said that he respected some of Tony’s decisions. Could they truly put the past behind them? Tony’s attention went to his daughter. Her eyes were wide with wonder as she said, “Really? You did that, Daddy?”
“Wow!” Michael gasped.
Choking back the emotion, Tony said, “I did. I’m so glad I did.”
“Thank you,” Emily said. “We’ve learned that the fire wasn’t our only danger. We know what you two gave up—for us. This isn’t easy for me, but thank you.”
Claire hugged her sister, as they both cried.
“Why are you sad, Aunt Em?” Nichol asked.
Wiping her eyes, Emily hugged Nichol and said, “I’m not sad, sweetie. I’m happy. I’m so happy that you have your mommy and daddy again. They love you very much.”
Nichol looked in their direction and smiled. “I’m happy, too.”
Tony didn’t intend to glance at Claire, but he did. His chest ached with pride and love, sadness and regret. It was the promise of a future swirling in a whirlwind of remorse.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
—Mother Teresa
Everyone was adapting to his or her new role. Claire had stepped into the role of lady of the house: not only was she managing the staff that had already been hired, but she’d also hired a few more. Specifically, Tony wanted her to choose the head of her security, and Nichol’s nanny. At first, Claire balked at the need for security, but Tony convinced her that it had always been present. It didn’t matter if there was no immediate threat: the Rawlingses were people of means and as such, were potential targets. When Tony talked about Nichol, Claire agreed. She interviewed a few of the names Tony recommended, but one night she told Tony she wanted Phillip Roach. Claire argued that she was familiar with Phil, and with all the new members of the staff, she wanted the familiarity. It wasn’t that Tony didn’t want to grant her request. It was that Phil had been providing her security all along, just unbeknownst to her.
Tony hadn’t done that because he wanted to monitor Claire’s movements or distrusted her choices: it was solely about her safety. He was sure that Jim wouldn’t approve. Perhaps, if he brought it up to his new therapist, he too would disapprove. That didn’t matter. When it came to the safety of his family, Tony wouldn’t compromise. Truth be told, Roach had been watching over Nichol and Claire for the past two years. At first, Tony wasn’t sure about Phil fulfilling the position as head of security; however, Tony had told his wife that she could have whatever she wanted. She wanted Phil. Now Phil had the position. There was no doubt in Tony’s mind that no one else was as devoted to his family as Philip Roach, except perhaps Eric. When it came to devotion, Eric’s too was undeniable. Tony believed that with the two of them, his family was safe.
The child psychologist recommended that Claire have a nanny in place by the time Nichol moved to the estate. She said it would help with the transition if Nichol got to know her before she moved. After many interviews, Claire found a young woman with whom she felt comfortable. Her name was Shannon, and she and Nichol hit it off immediately. The child psychologist also recommended that the transition to the estate last a minimum of two weeks. During that time, Tony and Claire began the family-counseling sessions, as well as spent every evening with Nichol. After a week, the Vandersols brought Nichol to the estate. Everyone was trying to make the move as easy as possible. The two-week window was closing and everything seemed to be falling into place.
The last night before Nichol’s move, Claire and Tony were encouraged when they left the Vandersols’ home. As they kissed their daughter goodnight, she said, “I can’t wait to go to my room tomorrow night! I can’t wait to be with both of you.” Her little arms hugged their faces as she added, “My momma and daddy.”
On the way home, Claire did little to hide her excitement. “It’s all happening so fast,” she said. “I can’t believe how much things have changed in just two weeks.”
As he listened to Claire’s chatter, Tony worked to remain stoic, to keep the red—the emotion—away. It was much more difficult than he’d anticipated. Emotion wasn’t black and white or even gray as it had been in prison. In the real world, it was a rainbow of color. There was the red of desire and anger, but there was also the yellow of happiness, and dark hues of disappointment. While with Nichol, Tony allowed the color to shine. How could he not? However, when he and Claire were alone, he fought to keep it at bay. The entire process was exhausting. His plan was fine when he was at Yankton. There it had made sense, but now it was different. Instead of speaking of his wife in the abstract, she was real and so close. He longed for what they had while with Nichol—a family. Above all, he yearned for Claire.
Because it was so difficult, Tony did his best to avoid being alone with his wife. However, the night before Nichol’s move, Claire asked Tony to come into the house. She said there was something she wanted to show him. Perhaps it was her excitement at Nichol’s parting remark. Whatever the reason, Tony didn’t want to deny her request. He liked seeing her happy. He’d caused her too much sadness.
When they entered the house, Tony questioned Claire’s recently praised management skills. The staff was gone. She said she’d released them for the night. He had no idea that she’d been coming home to an empty house. As he waited for her to return from upstairs, with whatever she wanted to show him, Tony wandered from room to room. Though he planned to discuss the situation with Roach in the morning, he found it to be totally unacceptable. Slowly, unknowingly, color returned. If her managing the staff was to work, she needed to know better.