Harry closed his eyes and squeezed Liz’s shoulder. She had her head resting against him. It would be so easy to lay his head on hers… and try to forget.
Love is not a feeling of happiness. Love is a willingness to sacrifice.
—Michael Novak
“I hate winter,” Tony stated, as he stared out the large pane of glass in Jim’s office.
“Have you always hated winter?”
Tony glared. It didn’t seem to matter how many times he said that he hated the questions, that was all Jim seemed to know how to do. “No, I didn’t hate it. I never noticed it.”
“Didn’t you live in Iowa?”
“I do live in Iowa. This,” he said, gesturing with his arm, “isn’t living.”
Jim grinned. “All right, so you live in Iowa and never noticed winter?”
Tony turned back toward the snow-covered terrain. The colorful flowers he’d helped plant and the green grass he’d helped mow were now covered in a thick blanket of white. He noted how the sidewalks that he’d shoveled only a few hours ago held an inch or two of new accumulation. Damn, when he got out of this hellhole, he swore he’d never lift another snow shovel. Honestly, he’d probably never mow a blade of grass either, but if Claire wanted help in the gardens, he was more than willing to do that. The sound of Jim’s exaggerated throat clearing reminded Tony about their conversation. Was it a conversation? It was therapy, but for the past eighteen months it was the closest thing that he’d had to conversation, other than when he had visitors.
“Iowa has winter,” Tony replied. “There’s snow and shit, but I was always so busy I never paid any attention. I spent most of my time working or traveling. The weather was irrelevant.”
“So you didn’t spend much time outside?”
Tony shrugged, walked to the chair, and sat. “Not until Claire.” It was easier talking about her than it used to be. As long as they stayed away from the shit in the damn book and concentrated on their second chance, Tony actually enjoyed the walks down memory lane. Sure, they made him sad, but life was sad and Yankton sucked. If he was going to be down anyway, it might as well be while thinking about Claire.
“Tell me what you and she would do outside.”
Tony closed his eyes as his cheeks rose. The grin felt nice. “She liked to walk in the woods. We have acres and acres of land covered with trees. I’d lived there for about fifteen years before she came to the estate—”
“Anthony,” Jim interrupted. “Honesty. Did Claire come to the estate?”
Tony sighed and began again. “I’d lived there for about fifteen years before I brought Claire to the estate.” He opened his eyes to see Jim nodding. “I’d never ventured out into the woods. I didn’t want to. I’d surveyed the land from a helicopter after I’d purchased it. That was my only real knowledge of what lay behind the trees. I knew she liked to be outside. One time, while I was out of town, she started going out into the woods, not for hours but for entire days.”
“How did you feel about her being gone all day?”
“I didn’t like it. At first, I was confused. I was overseas and when I’d check the surveillance feed from her suite, I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t there. I called and was told she was out walking. Later, I found where she left the yard every day. It was the same place, but I couldn’t see where she went. All I could do is fast forward until she returned.”
“How did that make you feel, to not know where she was?”
“Stop asking me that! I’m talking. I’m answering your damn question about being outside.”
“You’re an intelligent man. I believe you can multitask. Try answering both questions at the same time.”
Tony shifted in his seat and let out an exasperated sigh. “When I didn’t know where she was, I was upset, and I was worried…” Jim started to talk, but Tony spoke over him. “I was worried that she might try to leave. She was gone all day long. There’s a highway about another mile west of the lake. What if she kept walking and made it to the highway?” He looked again at Jim and shrugged. “But she didn’t. I didn’t even know she was at the lake until I got home and questioned her. And I was happy that she was honest with me,” he added with a feigned grin. “Later, after we were married, she took me there. The first time was during a snowstorm. We got there on cross-country skis. I felt cold.” This time his grin was real. “But not really. She was so excited, talking about the way everything looked in the summertime. She talked about flowers, trees, insects, and animals. I’d never realized all of that was just outside of my door. We went back in the summer, too.”
Tony stood again and walked to the window. “That’s why I’m not selling the estate. She loves that lake and the grounds too much.”
“What about your house.”
“I told you, I’m having it demolished.”
“Anthony, we discussed this. You’re not in the right frame of mind to make that kind of decision.”
“Are you telling me that I can’t have my own house torn down?”
Jim stood, walked closer, and leaned against the wall. “No, I’m suggesting that you wait and think this through.”
“I guarantee I’ve thought it through. I have nothing else here to do here but think. I’ve thought about it until I don’t want to think anymore. Other than a few personal items… and a painting… it can all go.” He emphasized, “I want it gone.”