I was going to have the imprint of his jeans branded to the inside of my thighs for days and beard burn on my chest for twice as long. I wouldn’t forget him and I didn’t want to.
“I missed you, too, Leo.” He pressed me into the door, holding me captive, not that I was going to run anywhere. “I loved one woman enough with a normal kind of love that I was able to let her go, but you, Leo, I’m pretty sure I can love you with more than that, so I won’t ever be able to tell you goodbye and mean it. I’m not asking you to be with me where I am, but I am asking you to let me be with you wherever you are, when I can make that happen.” He sighed, his eyes serious and telling me more than his words were. “I’ve always managed to keep my feet under me. No matter what hit me, I stood standing. You left and I fell to my knees, Sunshine.”
My throat closed and eyes welled up with tears. I’d never taken anyone to their knees before, and the fact that it was this man, this bastion of strength and fortitude, made me feel like the most powerful woman in the world . . . and the most loved. He was willing to live his life around his history and his obligations for me. He was willing to take on the challenge.
I put my hands on his face and moved forward so that my head touched the place in his chest where his heart was thunder and his soul was lightning.
“It’s too noisy here, Cy. I can’t see or hear anything that matters. I don’t want to be lost in this chaos anymore. I want to be someone who is heard because she says what she means, like I mean it when I tell you I could love you with a love that is more than love too.” I lifted my eyes to his and watched as our moments stretched from stolen fragments to a lifetime. “I don’t know how it’s going to work for a while. You come to me, I come to you, and when we see each other we’ll come together.” He smirked at me as I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “I’m up to the challenge.” I really was. The easy road hadn’t gotten me anywhere, while the mountains I’d always been terrified to climb had given me everything.
He nodded and I kissed him. I told him he looked sexy in the cowboy gear, but I liked him better out of it. The buckle was annoying, his boots made him taller than he already was, the hat hid his amazing hair and even more amazing eyes.
He was always going to be not quite a cowboy, and that was just fine by me because he was going to be my not quite a cowboy. I didn’t care about the things he wasn’t because it was all the things he was that made me want better, made me be better, and made me appreciate what I had instead of miss the things I didn’t.
He was everything to everyone, but I was the only one who made him smile.
No Time Like the Present
“Are you a real cowgirl?”
The question came from a little girl who was only nine or ten years old. It made me smile and it had Lane snorting from where he stood next to me as we welcomed the family he was taking on the ride the next day. She was a cute kid but her skepticism at my authenticity was extra adorable. I mean, I had the look down, faded denim that was frayed at the hem and torn at the knee. A much smaller version of Cy’s black Stetson perched on top of my head that was a must to keep my pale skin from turning cherry red and also happened to look awesome when I pulled my curly hair into twin ponytails on either side of my head. I was fond of fitted plaid shirts. The Justin Ropers I bought the first time I took a step on this dusty soil were now finally broken in and battered the way they were meant to be. I was still mad at the giant belt buckle and how difficult they made getting into Cy’s pants, so I refused to wear one, but even without it I thought my cowgirl gear was pretty on point. Leave it to a precocious little girl to see right through it.
I winked at her and gave Lane a nudge with my elbow to stop his laughing. “I’m not quite a cowgirl, but I’m something close to it.” I hooked a thumb toward the grinning man next to me and gave her a smile. “But this one here is the real deal. You couldn’t ask for a better cowboy to spend your vacation with and to show you around Wyoming.”
That seemed to appease her and she bounced off with the rest of her family as Lane led them toward one of the bunk houses to get settled for the night.
I wasn’t ever going to be a cowgirl, there was too much of the city in my blood. However the longer I was able to spend my days under the open sky, and the more fresh air I breathed in, the more I felt this untamed land take root inside of me. I had no problem playing dress up to meet new clients. I liked it. The fact that what I wore to work was often covered in dust and torn by the end of the day, was a thousand times more rewarding than a day spent keeping linen skirts unwrinkled and stilettos unscuffed. I loved it here. I loved the people here. I loved who I was here. And I appreciated all of it even more because it had taken much longer than I wanted for me to come back.
For two months, Cy and I logged an ungodly amount of frequent flyer miles back and forth to see each other. We never said goodbye again, because it was never good and it was never bye for very long. I had to finish out my contract for Chris’s wife. A task that became more and more unbearable each day that went by. The woman didn’t want to let me go and she didn’t want to let the fact that she felt like I owed her more than I did drop. She tried to cajole me into staying. She tried to threaten me. She tried to bribe me and when all of that persuasion failed, she actually had the nerve to send Chris in to try and convince me to stay.
Unfortunately for my ex, he picked a weekend to make his move when Cy was visiting. As soon as he was greeted by the towering pillar of fury that was Cyrus Warner, he tucked tail and hightailed it back to his wife. He must have mentioned that I was making far better choices in the men department to her because she finally shut up and let me finish out the contract in peace. As soon as my last day was done, I wanted to throw everything I owned into a suitcase and catch the first flight I could to Wyoming, but it wasn’t possible.