Cy snorted, Lane laughed, Emrys sighed, and the two men grumbled under their breath. The family from the coast started peppering Cy and Lane with questions about what to expect with the kids for the next few days, all while ignoring me for the most part while the dad continued to none too subtly hit on Em.
I had a distinct feeling that “interesting” wasn’t even close to covering how the week was going to go, but I had to admit that I really couldn’t wait to experience it all. That, and I owed Emrys an apology.
I was happy she had harassed me into coming on this trip. I couldn’t say for certain that going toe to toe with Cy every minute we were together was going to be fun, but I did know that all the places inside of me that felt ravaged and torn weren’t as raw as they had been. They still ached, but all around, that hurt was a heat, a flickering flame of anticipation and awareness that seemed to be cauterizing those wounds.
I knew that if I could hold my own with a man like Cyrus Warner, if I could escape this week with my sanity and heart intact, then it would prove to my battered sense of self that what happened with Chris was just a fluke.
It would show that I’d been taken in by a professional conman, one who knew exactly what to say. It would verify that my walls were still strong and my fortress was still impenetrable, and that no matter what Cy thought, I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.
I didn’t need his help or his approval.
Not Quite the Ass Crack of Dawn
Emrys tried to wake me up before the sun was fully in the sky to do yoga on the tiny front porch. I didn’t even get up to do yoga with her back home so I had no idea what she was thinking. I tossed a pillow at her and growled a lot of ugly words, pulling the covers back over my head. She laughed at me and told me I was going to regret not stretching out after the first few hours in a saddle. I’d spent most of the evening tossing and turning, my restless mind a messy tangle of thoughts that made sleep elusive, so a sore ass would go right along with my grouchy mood.
I spent the night fretting over the upcoming week and over how I was going to function with all the solitude and none of the regular hurry and hustle that filled my days. It was easy to hide my bad attitude and wounded ego when I was busy with work and could make reasonable excuses to avoid my everyday life, but I had none of that here. That meant the journey I was on, planning to take back to my old self, would be on full display. The thought of Cy bearing witness to the shattered parts of me fusing back together made we want to curl up in a ball and die. The fact that I was lost, had wandered off course somewhere along the way and was a failure, I didn’t want to share with anyone.
It all made for a long night. I swore I had just dozed off when Emrys shook me awake and tried to get me to greet the day with her. Once she left the room, making sure to make as much noise on her way out as she possibly could, sleep was once again impossible to find. I threw the quilted covers off with a litany of swear words and stumbled my way into the shower. I made sure it was hot and I took my time to enjoy every steamy second of it because Lane had informed us last night when we went over the itinerary for the week that we would only be stopping twice at public campgrounds during the next seven days for a shower. He also pointed out that the water was often frigid and sometimes didn’t work. We were all going to have to get comfortable with cowboy showers, which consisted of slathering on deodorant and using wet wipes to battle our B.O. It sounded awful, but part of my brain recognized that it would be much easier to stay away from Cy and his brooding intensity if he smelled like the backside of a horse all week. The downside was I would also smell that way.
After every inch of me was scrubbed and shiny pink, I sluggishly crawled into my new western wear and wrestled my unruly hair into the braid that it was going to have to live in for the remainder of the week. By the time I was done, Emrys was back inside the tiny cabin looking totally energized and ready to tackle the day. She had some fresh fruit and a stack of big, fluffy pancakes on the table. I walked over to the plate and took a bite out of one without saying a word. They were so good that I moaned out loud and almost picked one up with my hands to better achieve my goal of shoving the syrupy treat into my face.
She laughed at me as she started rummaging through her bag so she could pull out her gear for the day. “Lane brought those down from the house for breakfast. He said everyone else was already up there and they already ate. We have an hour before we have to meet at the stables. They need us to bring our stuff over so they can pack the mules and so that we can meet our mounts for the week.”
I wrinkled up my nose and worked on devouring another pancake. “The sun isn’t even up yet. It’s not like I slept in.”
Em pulled off her yoga pants and wiggled her way into a dark pair of skinny jeans that made her long legs look even longer. “Things start moving early around here. Lane mentioned that he’d been up for a couple hours taking care of chores that needed to get done before we left. Obviously Brynn had been up earlier than that if she had breakfast ready for everyone. I haven’t seen the boss man yet, but he doesn’t strike me as the type who takes it easy while everyone else is working.”
“It’s inhumane to be up before the sun is all the way in the sky.” I practically growled at her when she made her way over to the table to snag a banana from the pile she brought in.
“Watching a new day start is pretty special. I never get to do that back home. I’m always too distracted by what happened the day before and thinking what’s waiting for me going forward. They sky seems so big out here with nothing blocking it, it’s like watching the world hit reset and start over.” A soft smile played around her mouth as she lifted an eyebrow at me. “Everything that happened before doesn’t matter.”