“It’s not a dream. I’m real.” I thudded my fist against my chest. “But I’m not here to hurt anyone. All I want is the key. Why not give it to me? Why not let it all be over?”
His eyes darted around the room. I wondered if he’d even heard my words. Was he looking for escape? A weapon? If he shouted for the Sergeant, he’d probably be heard. I didn’t want to deal with both of them at once. I turned abruptly and headed toward the door. He probably thought I was leaving; instead I stopped, bolted it, and then spun back to him. He hadn’t moved. But his eyes got larger.
I kept my voice calm as I moved slowly toward him. “Thayer, all I want is the keys to the jail. That’s all. No one else needs to know anything else about this. You can burn those letters. You can remember Carsina as she was, sweet and pretty and very in love with you. Forget the ugly lies you’ve grown in your mind. Go back to being the man you were.”
He shook his head. Tears filled his eyes and some spilled. His voice had gone squeaky. “Someone has to be punished for this. You both made a fool of me. Someone has to pay.” He looked at me and suddenly the whites showed all around his eyes. There was no rationality there. “You came back as a Speck. You were seen. You killed all those men, all my men. You made them pay with their lives for what I had done. And now you’ve come back to kill me.”
“I don’t want to kill you,” I lied. “Just the keys, Thayer. That’s all I want from you.” I took a slow step toward him. He retreated from me, as smoothly as if he were my dance partner, moving toward the hearth rather than his hanging sword. Good. Again I advanced and he retreated.
“Someone has to be punished. Someone has to pay.” He repeated the words like a prayer. He held up both hands, palms out toward me. “Did you know I’m to be flogged tomorrow? I ordered that. I’m not afraid. I know I deserve no less. Doesn’t that satisfy you?”
“No. It doesn’t.” I couldn’t conceal my disgust with the idea. “And you shouldn’t do it. Flogging yourself and then hanging an innocent woman will not change anything. They’re a coward’s way out of admitting the wrong you did. If you want to be a man, stand up and admit what you did. Clear my name for me. Give me back my life.”
For an instant, it all seemed that simple. Here was a man who could clear me, one who could reconvene a military court and clear my name. There had never been any real evidence against me. Heads were cooler now. Hope for redemption glimmered before me. He shattered it.
“No.”
“Why not?” He had retreated another step. I didn’t advance. I waited for an answer.
“Because…because everyone would laugh at me. Everyone would know how you both deceived me and cuckolded me. Everyone would know what a fool I’d been! And you—” He pointed a sudden accusing finger at me. “You killed that whore. Everyone knows it. You did wrong, and wrong must be punished. I must be punished!” He all but shouted the words and I flinched. I didn’t want the Sergeant to hear an outcry and try the door.
“No, Thayer.” I said it quietly. My hopes for a sane resolution died. The man had no sanity in him. Now all that mattered was freeing Amzil and getting her safely away. Abruptly, I was aware of time passing. Surely the Sergeant would soon expect the Captain to appear and dismiss him from his duties for the night. Time to put an end to this charade. I took a breath, steadied myself, and edged closer to him. I tried to keep my voice reasonable while my heart pumped hatred for the man. “You don’t need to be punished. No one needs to be punished any more than they have been. You were a man drilled hollow with grief. You weren’t yourself that night, when you said and did those things. And you didn’t do what you think you did. You didn’t kill me. You see me, don’t you? I’m right here. You don’t need to be punished. And I think you know that Amzil killed that fellow in self-defense, of herself and her children. She doesn’t deserve to hang for it.” I spoke quietly, calmingly, easing closer to him as I did so. I wanted to leap on him and throttle him, but even more than that, I reminded myself, I wanted to get the keys from him and get to Amzil’s cell without him raising any sort of an alarm.
“Oh, no. She deserves to be punished, too. She’s a whore. She can deny it, but she’s a whore. She…it was her fault. I went out there once, to Dead Town. She said she wasn’t a whore, but she was. She was.” He was nodding to himself now. My mind was trying to take in what he had just said. My head spun with what he had just admitted. No wonder Amzil had hated him so. As if either she or I had needed more reason.