The following morning Kellan and I took Anna back to the airport. Properly chastised for not being at the airport when we arrived in L.A., Griffin came with us to see her depart. It was weird to see my sister off. I kept feeling like I was missing my flight by not boarding with her. Even though I'd spent a few months on my own in Seattle when Anna had been back east with our parents, I'd gotten used to having her around. Watching my sister leave the city was hard.
But I still had Kellan, and that made things considerably easier.
After Anna left our sight, Griffin turned to Kellan. "Did you hear, man? She's having a boy . . . my boy." He lifted his chin up, pride evident in his light blue eyes.
Kellan smiled and tightened his grip around my waist. "Yeah, I seem to recall hearing that somewhere."
I contained my smile as best I could. Anna had found a way to mention the sex of her baby at every possible moment, most of the time with a perturbed scowl on her face. She still wasn't overly excited about Maximus, but I knew she would be when he arrived.
Kellan clapped Griffin's shoulder, then we made our way back to the car. As was usually the case with boys, whatever beef had been between them was over. Kellan and Griffin seemed just like they always did as they joked around while leaving the airport. I was starting to get over the embarrassment too-I could finally look Griffin in the eyes again.
As Griffin went on and on about how hot Anna and Sienna were when they lounged by the pool together, I thanked fate that Sienna was also leaving the city today. She hadn't done anything wrong, per se-and I did like her-but her interest in Kellan got under my skin a little. Sure, it was mainly a professional interest, but I wasn't naive enough to think that that was all it was. She found him just as attractive as she found him talented. She knew he was taken, but would that stop her from making a play for him? I didn't really want to find out. Distance was a good thing.
We went straight from the airport to the recording studio. Kellan and the guys were finishing up their stuff so they could get started on the new song with Sienna. I was excited to see the recording process. I'd heard Kellan describe it a thousand times, but I was eager to see it with my own eyes. Plus, I hadn't seen Kellan sing in ages, and I'd really missed it.
Showing the proper credentials to security, Kellan confidently walked me back into the working area of the studio. True to form, Kellan had his preferred instrument slung over his shoulder, while a plethora of studio instruments were waiting for everyone else to use.
The "live room" was a large soundproof space designed to achieve the best acoustics possible, or so Kellan told me. In the back was a room-within-a-room holding a drum set. There was another room off to the side that only had a microphone in it. Different sections of the main room were separated by movable panels that isolated sound. Two guitars were amped and miked, while a third space was empty and waiting for Kellan's guitar.
Just being in there made my stomach buzz with excitement. Part of me wanted to pick up an instrument and start jamming away. Too bad I was astoundingly bad at playing everything. As the rest of the guys strolled into the room, Kellan waved at some people watching us though a large glass window. Setting down his guitar case, Kellan led me to the mixing room where the magic happened. Inside, I was introduced to about five different people who were the brains behind the album.
Eli was a highly respected producer, with a resume about as long as my arm. He'd worked on Justin and Sienna's award-winning albums, and those were only a couple of his accolades. He seemed way too young to me to be as prolific as he was, but he sure knew his way around the very confusing assortment of levers, switches, and dials.
The dark-skinned man gave Kellan a complicated handshake for a greeting. Waving a hello to me, he turned to Kellan and said, "Heard you said yes to Sienna's song?"
Kellan nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, it should be interesting."
Eli smacked him on the chest. "Interesting? It's going to be hot! Just wait until you hear what she's already laid down."
I sat on a chair near the door and stared around the room, feeling a little out of my element. Kellan gave me supportive smiles, but he was at work now, and his focus was on his music. Realizing I should get to work too, I asked one of the men in the room if I was in the way in the corner. He assured me it was fine, and I dug through my bag and pulled out my notebook and story notes. I made time every day to write a little, and I was well over halfway finished with my novel. I still hadn't shown it to Kellan. He was respectful, giving me my space. But I could tell he was curious.
As I tapped the pen cap to my lip, I tried to block out the world and remember how it felt when Kellan quietly pleaded with me to leave Denny and stay with him-when he'd given me the ultimatum that had seared my soul. Just remembering it brought tears to my eyes.
Just as I was about to write something, a voice intruded my thoughts. "Hey, Kiera. You okay?"
I glanced up, then did a double take. Justin Vettel, lead singer of Avoiding Redemption, was standing right in front of me. Having met him a time or two, the shock of who he was quickly left me. Giving him a warm smile, I nodded. "Yeah, what are you doing here?"
He nodded at Kellan, still talking with Eli. "Wanted to see how the album was coming along." With light blue eyes and blond hair in a layered cut that only a rock star could successfully pull off, Justin was definitely cute. He was wearing a collared shirt, and I could see part of the tattoo that stretched from one collarbone to another. I still had no idea what it said, but it was a beautiful piece. He smiled as I tried not to stare. "We're finalizing the next tour, and I want to get Kellan on it."
"He'd love that. He had a lot of fun touring with your band."
Justin smiled. "Yeah, it's a hell of a lot more fun if you're touring with guys you get along with." He paused for a minute, then added, "Do you think Kate would join me for a couple of weeks if I asked?" Sputtering a little, he immediately added, "Or would that be too forward, since we're not technically dating or anything."
His cheeks were a little rosy and I marveled that this celebrity-who could have just about anyone-was flustered over my friend. Famous or not, in the end, Justin was just a typical boy.
"I think she'd like that, Justin. Actually, she wanted me to tell you 'hi' if I ran into you . . . so . . . hi," I said.
I rolled my eyes at myself. Nice message delivering. Justin's grin grew, and he bit his lip. Remembering something Kellan had told me once, I asked him, "I thought girlfriends weren't allowed on the bus-only wives."
Justin scrunched his brows. "The label doesn't care who's on the bus . . . so long as we're on the bus." A mischievous smile crept over his face. "Who told you that?"
Pursing my lips, I glanced over at Kellan. He happened to look back at me, and when our eyes met I minutely shook my head at him. He'd been teasing about the whole wife thing. Kellan cocked a questioning brow at me, and I giggled. "My husband," I told Justin.
Justin laughed, then patted my shoulder. "Ah, well, congratulations."
Justin left to say hi to Kellan after another minute, and I got back to work on my novel. Within seconds, I was absorbed in the story and had blocked out everything else around me. I started when a hand caressed my knee. Kellan was squatting beside me, an amused smile on his sculpted face. "We're just about to start. You good here?"
I lifted my pad of paper and nodded. Kellan glanced at my bag full of notes and frowned. "You should get a laptop so you don't have to lug around all this paper." Twisting his lip he added, "I think when we're done here we'll go shopping."
Smiling at his thoughtfulness, I leaned over and kissed him. "I thought you would appreciate my old-fashioned approach."
His lips lingered against mine, warm and sensuous. "I do, but it's time to step into the twenty-first century, Kiera."
I made an unladylike noise of amusement, almost a snort. "That's funny, coming from you."
"Hmmm," he murmured against my mouth. "You know what's not funny?"
He pulled back and I pouted a little. Your lips no longer touching mine? His amused expression returned as he searched my face, then a small scowl formed on his lips. He tapped my pad of paper. "That I still haven't been granted access to your bestseller."
I sighed and discretely covered the top sheet with my arm. "You'll have access . . . when it's done. When it's perfect."
He shook his head; the long, shaggy layers on top were irresistibly tousled this morning. The shorter layers near the bottom slightly curled around his ears, hugging them. "I don't care about perfection." He touched my forehead with his finger. "I care about what's going on up there. I care about what you think." Averting his eyes, he added in a quieter voice, "I care about what you think . . . about what happened with us."
My heart broke when he looked back up at me. His deep blue eyes could hold so much pain sometimes. Not able to say anything, I nodded. It might hurt me, it might hurt him, but I'd stick to our pact of honesty and let him see the deepest, darkest corners of my heart, of my soul. It was only fair, since he constantly let me see his.
Kellan smiled, gave me one last kiss, then exited the control room to go record his masterpiece. Headphones were put on, instruments were plugged in, lights on the board lit up. Evan ducked into his private drum room while Kellan stepped into the vocal room. It was fascinating to watch, but after a while, it did get a little tedious. There was a lot of repetition involved in recording. The song was played several times so the best recordings could be used. By the fifth or six run-through of the song, I stopped listening and worked on my book. I got through the painful part just as Kellan and the guys were finishing up for the day.
"Ready?" Kellan asked, a gleam in his eye.
I nodded and stood up to stretch. Sitting for so long had made part of my butt fall asleep. Hazard of my chosen profession, I supposed. Kellan said goodbye to the guys in the room, who were intently listening to the song they'd just finished mixing. It sounded amazing-a million times crisper and clearer than the live version of it. Hearing Kellan's voice so pristinely gave me goose bumps. He was going to be so huge.
Eli clasped hands with Kellan, telling him, "We'll start on the new song after you guys have had a couple of days to practice. Cool?"
Kellan nodded, and my heart sank a little. If they were going to learn a new song that fast, then I wasn't going to see a whole lot of Kellan. But that was okay, since neither one of us was going anywhere . . . except shopping, apparently.
The next couple of weeks were relaxing and peaceful-for me, at least. I called my parents as often as I could. Mom started crying when I sent her a picture of my new ring. Dad, just slightly less emotional, told me things like, "Now, don't you go anywhere without Kellan, you hear me?" It made me smile that Dad now saw Kellan as my protector.
Kellan was pretty busy, though. The band learned the new song faster than I would have thought possible. Of course, they only had to learn it, not create it. Creating a fresh piece of music was a time-consuming process. I'd watched the boys debate about a thirty second song intro for three hours once. Every time I'd approached their table at Pete's, they'd been discussing it. Well, Matt, Evan, and Kellan had been discussing it. Griffin had been trying to convince anyone who would listen that the Starbucks's logo was kinky.
Once the band had the new song down, they started recording it. I went in every day with Kellan, new laptop in hand, and dutifully worked on my book while Kellan worked on his album. It delighted me to no end that our careers could coexist so peacefully. Kellan's actually helped mine. His band, his music, and his voice all opened up my mind, and the words poured out of me. In fact, there were several times when he was done for the day and I wanted to keep going. But Kellan was pretty good at persuading me to put away my computer and go home with him. The art of seduction always was one of his greatest talents. Right up there with music, really.
At the end of July, Kellan and the boys were done with their portion of the album; the mixing men would finish the rest. All the guys had left to do was have their photo taken for the album cover. Kellan was morose about it on the drive to the studio. "I don't see why we have to be on the cover. Couldn't it be some generic photo of . . . a duck or something?"
"A duck? Really?" I questioned as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear that the wind was continuously whipping into my mouth. Darn convertible.
"What? Ducks are sexy . . . right?" Kellan gave me a sly grin. I rolled my eyes and he chuckled. "They've got those long, flat bills, plump bellies, wide, webbed feet." Still grinning, he brought his eyes back to the road. "What could be hotter than that?"
Staring at the way his dark sunglasses framed his face, amplifying his attractiveness, my immediate thought was,You. Smiling at his ridiculous suggestion, I laughed out loud. "Um, just about anything."
His perfect face swung my way. "We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one."
I was just about to tell him that he would be all alone on his side of the argument when my cell phone rang. Quickly digging it out of my bag, I glanced at the screen before answering it. "Hey, Denny. How are you?"
Kellan's eyes shifted to the front as he turned the radio down. I played with the guitar-shaped necklace around my throat while I waited for Denny's response. It was long in coming. "I'm fine. How are you?" The concern in his accent was clear, and confusing.
"I'm great. Why do you sound weird?"
As Kellan pulled onto a side street, he flashed me a brief questioning glance. I shrugged, not knowing any more than he did. In my ear, Denny's warm voice asked, "You're okay . . . really okay?"
"Of course." Dread started filling my stomach. "Why? Did something happen?" My thoughts immediately went to my sister and my unborn nephew. "Is Anna okay? Is the baby?" Fear seeped into my stomach, and I tried to squelch it. Surely Anna, Kate, or Jenny would have called me if something had happened to the baby.
Denny immediately sputtered, "No, no, they're fine. It's nothing like that. It's just . . . have you seen the tabloids recently? Been on any gossip sites?"
Relief immediately flooded me. I shook my head at Kellan's concerned face, letting him know that everything was fine with Anna. Focusing on the first part of his reply, I told Denny, "Oh good, you freaked me out." I frowned as I puzzled his question. Tabloids? "No, I've been way too busy for that. Why would I care about tabloids and gossip sites?"
Denny sighed. "Crap. I would've called you sooner, but I just noticed today. It's still pretty quiet around here, and I don't think anyone's put two and two together yet, but I thought you should know what's out there, so you could be prepared."
More confused than before, I tentatively asked, "Prepared for what?"
Denny paused again, and my anxiety started resurfacing. "You mentioned earlier in the month that the guys were doing a collaboration with Sienna Sexton."
His voice held a trace of awe and wonder in it, a feeling I completely understood; it sort of blew me away too. But I didn't understand why he was changing the subject, and my voice came out agitated. "Yeah, what does that have to do with tabloids, though?"
As I watched Kellan swerving his way through traffic, a slight frown on his lips as he listened, Denny said, "Does Kellan . . . hang out with her?"
My frown deepened. "No. She's not even here. She went back to London after recording her part of the song." Pulling my gaze from Kellan, I bluntly asked my ex, "What's going on, Denny?"
He sighed. "There's a picture of Sienna and Kellan that's circulating the Internet. It's all over the magazines too. No one seems to know who Kellan is yet. It's mainly his back in the photo, but there is some serious buzz about Sienna and her new mysterious . . . boyfriend."
My jaw dropped so far I thought it might have to be surgically reattached. "Boyfriend? Wait, what picture?"
Denny's exhale was sympathetic. "I don't know. Looks like they're walking into a restaurant together. She's holding onto his arm. He's smiling and looking down at her. It's all very . . . convincing. Are you okay?"
My mind blanked, then I remembered the photographers outside of the place we had gone with Sienna for dinner. They'd been snapping pictures of all three of us as we'd been walking into the restaurant. Sienna had invaded Kellan's personal space a bit before we'd walked through the doors, but I'd been in the picture too; Kellan was holding my hand the entire time. But of course they wouldn't show that. I was a nobody. Sienna was a celebrity. And Kellan was now her new mysterious boyfriend. They were already linked . . . and no one knew about the single yet. What would happen when they did know? My stomach dropped as the car pulled to a stop.
"It's not what it looks like. I was there, you just can't see me." As I whispered that to Denny, I felt irony wrapping around my throat, sealing it shut. Hadn't I wanted to be invisible, to not let Kellan's spotlight shine on me? Be careful what you wish for. I was now invisible. "I have to go, Denny. Bye," I mumbled into the phone.
"Kiera, wait, are you okay?"
I disconnected the line without answering him. No, I didn't think I was okay. As Kellan shut the car off, I stared in shocked silence at my phone. What the hell just happened? In the public eye, Sienna and Kellan were dating? Did this change anything for me? No, not really. It didn't matter what the public thought was real; I knew what was going on. It still churned my stomach, though.
"Kiera, are you okay?"
Kellan's concerned words matched Denny's. Feeling light-headed, I looked up at him. "I'm fine," I whispered.
He frowned. "Honestly, you're fine?"
I groaned internally, really hating our honesty-at-all-cost pact at the moment. "I don't know what I am."
Kellan nodded. "Okay, can you tell me what that was about? Maybe we can figure out what you feel together."
I bit my lip and held up a finger, so he knew I would speak when I could. Kellan grabbed my hand and patiently waited. As he rubbed his thumb over my wedding ring, the shock of Denny's revelation passed through me, and I truly did feel okay. Not great, but okay.
As I turned to face him, his brow furrowed even deeper. He'd taken off his sunglasses, and the worry emanating from behind his midnight blue eyes was nearly palpable. "Talk to me," he whispered.
Feeling a little silly, since I knew where his heart was firmly planted, I smiled and shook my head. "Denny was just concerned about me because there's a photo of you and Sienna running rampant on the Internet. Everyone on the planet thinks you're her new 'unknown' boyfriend. Apparently, the photo is convincing. Denny didn't directly say so, but I think he thought you were stepping out on me." I started to laugh, until the thought of Kellan actually cheating on me with her strangled the sound. I had to swallow three times to ease my throat.
Kellan's eyes unfocused as he looked over my shoulder. "Photo?" His gaze immediately snapped to me again. "You know I'm not, right? I'm not interested in her . . . at all. You know that, don't you?"
Nodding, I cupped his cheek; it was warm from the sun beating down on us. "I know," I whispered. Snapping myself out of the dark mood that had settled over the car, I asked him, "Should we go get this photo shoot over with?" I forced a smile to my lips and humor to my voice. "Maybe you can request a duck for the background?"
Kellan was frowning at me as I got out of the car. "Kiera-"
I put my hand up to stop whatever it was he felt he needed to say. "I'm fine. Honestly. Can we just . . . not talk about this anymore? It doesn't matter anyway. It's not true."
Kellan hesitated, then nodded and got out of the car.
We met up with the rest of the band in a large studio building. A huge backdrop of billowing white fabric covered the far wall floor to ceiling. People were buzzing around everywhere-adjusting lights, moving reflective panels, smoothing the backdrop, manning stations that were overflowing with hair and makeup supplies that rivaled my sister's.
As the five of us watched the chaos in stunned silence, a tiny man in skinny jeans and a turtleneck pointed our way. "Ah, the talent arrives." I couldn't tell by his voice if he was being complimentary or condescending.
Loosely holding a camera in one hand, he snapped his fingers with the other; a buxom blonde was instantly at his side. Staring at our group through slim rectangle glasses, he waggled his fingers and told her, "Fix them."
The blonde glanced over at a group of women hovering around the makeup stations. As if they were all silently being commanded by their queen, they instantly turned from their beauty supplies and started swarming our way. Kellan frowned. Griffin grinned.
As the busty blonde strode up to him, Kellan murmured, "I don't think we need-"
She thrust out her hand, silencing him. "Name's Bridgette. I'll be taking care of you today." Grabbing his hand, she yanked him toward the vanity.
"I really don't think we need-" he tried again.
Shoving him into the seat, she had her fingers through his hair before he could finish his second objection. Even though a gorgeous woman tangling her fingers through his locks wasn't my most favorite thing in the world, I had to smile at the look of petulance on his face. The photographer walked over to us while Bridgette debated how best to beautify my husband.
Running his finger and thumb along his goatee, the photographer told her, "Not too much on this one. He's fine as he is." His gray eyes traveled down Kellan's body. "Have him see wardrobe first, though."
With that, he shuffled off to inspect the rest of the band. Kellan sighed.
By the time Bridgette and her merry maids were finished with the D-Bags, I had to admit that they looked good. Every single one of them was stunning, even Griffin. But Kellan . . . was drop-dead gorgeous. Smoldering. My jaw dropped when he stepped in front of the plain backdrop. He'd come into the studio wearing loose, faded blue jeans and a white T-shirt. They'd dressed him in slim jeans that were frayed in all the right places, and they'd layered his basic white shirt with a dark brown leather jacket. It was tight to his body, so it looked more like a fitted shirt, and it was zipped open to his mid-chest. It stopped right above his waist, so that his entire studded belt was visible; a trace amount of skin was visible too. It was . . . hot. His hair was usually a rumpled, sexy mess, but Bridgette had flawlessly styled it so that every strand was in the most appealing place possible. There was this one strand hanging down by his eye that just about did me in.
He looked the part of the sexy, bad boy rock star that worried my father on a daily basis, but he was frowning as he walked over to me.
"You look great. What's wrong?"
"I'm wearing makeup. I feel like an idiot."
I examined his skin, but I couldn't really tell that he was wearing anything, maybe just some definition around his eyes; the blueness was popping out at me so much that my heart was beating a little faster. "I can't even tell. You're fine."
He started to run a hand through his hair, then stopped himself. I couldn't help but notice that his ring was gone. "I'm wearing eyeliner . . . and I'm pretty sure she put lipstick on me."
My smile was impossible to hide. "You look incredible . . . darn near delectable."
Cocking his head, Kellan wrapped his arms around me. "Yeah? Would you like a bite?" As I felt heat staining my cheeks, Kellan glanced around, then leaned down to my ear; the smell of the leather jacket mixing with his scent was intoxicating. "We could disappear for a few minutes."
His grin was decidedly inappropriate when I pushed him away from me. "I think Bridgette would have my head if I messed up her handiwork."
Probably ruining whatever Bridgette had done to his lips, Kellan sucked on his bottom one as his eyes roved over my body. "Yeah, but just think about it . . . every time you see the album cover, you would know, without a doubt, that you put that smile on my face."
His hands ran over my backside, gently squeezing, and as my eyes rolled back into my head, I briefly considered ducking into a vacant room . . . somewhere . . . but I heard the photographer snap his fingers, and my eyes flashed open.
"Let's do this, people!" he called out.
Kellan let out a low laugh as he separated from me. As he moved away, his hand trailed down my arm. I grabbed his fingers, leaned forward, and planted a kiss on his makeup-covered cheek. Feeling the absence of his wedding band, I asked him, "Where is your ring?"
He patted his pocket as he frowned. "Label doesn't want us to advertise that we're not single." He rolled his eyes. "Apparently sales drop twenty percent if we're off the market. Or so Frank says." He pointed at the photographer, who was tinkering with something on his camera.
Kellan hesitated a minute, then looked around. Giving me a devilish grin, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his ring. Glancing around like he was breaking the law, he quickly slipped it on his finger. "What the fuck do I care what people think, right?" His face sobered. "I do care about that photo with Sienna, though. I'll take care of it, Kiera."
I shook my head and was about to tell him that it didn't matter, when he was suddenly pulled from behind by one of Frank's "helpers." Once Kellan was manhandled into position, Frank started snapping away. It made me smile that in every shot, Kellan's ring glimmered just a little bit. It was his small display of rebellion against the system.
After about three dozen photos, the session was done. I was glad I didn't have to pick which one was going to grace the final cover; I was sure they were all going to be breathtaking. Looking relieved that it was done, Kellan kissed my cheek and murmured, "I'm gonna go change and wash this shit off my face."
As I was giggling at him, Griffin stepped into our circle. Smoothing down his leather jacket, he asked Kellan, "Hey, you think they'll let us keep these clothes?" He smiled over at me; my skin crawled. "I am so getting laid tonight."
The irritation inside me quickly boiled over into righteous indignation. Narrowing my eyes to pinpoints that would surely pierce his unfeeling heart, I bit out, "You make me sick!"
Griffin blinked; he looked both confused and annoyed. "What's your problem?"
Balling my hands into fists, I resisted the urge to clock him. "You're about to have a baby with my sister, and you're still putting your . . . Hulk . . . into anything that lies still long enough. It's disgusting!"
Hands on his hips, Griffin stepped in front of me. "I'm a rock star. I'll fuck anything I want to fuck. It's what we do."
Shaking my head, I looked from Matt, to Evan, and finally to Kellan. None of them acted like Griffin did."No, it's not."
Griffin looked over his shoulder at Kellan and rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. Just because you pussy-whipped him doesn't mean you can pussy-whip me." He swung his gaze back to mine. "Besides, it's not like Anna isn't out banging every guy that she wants to. And do you see me getting all bent out of shape about it?"
I knew he had a point, and I knew I had no business saying anything, but he was just so . . . ugh! "She's not like that anymore. She hasn't been with anyone but you since she got pregnant. You're the only man she talks about now."
Griffin looked surprisingly astonished by that. "Really?" He seemed to mull it over for a second as he looked around at everyone staring at us. Then he returned his eyes to mine and tossed his hands in the air. "It's just fucking. What's the big deal?"
I could only shake my head at him. "You're both going to be parents, Griffin. That's a life-changing event, one that Anna is scared to death about. And here you are, living it up, still banging babes left and right. Do you even care about what she's going through? You enjoy having sex with Anna, but do you care about my sister at all?"
Griffin stared at me blankly, his face expressionless. After another pause he gave me a derisive snort. "I was just joking. Relax the fuck up, Kiera." With that, he stormed off to the changing rooms.
Matt, Evan, and Kellan all watched him leave, then Matt turned back to me with wide eyes. "I can't be sure, but I think you just gave him food for thought." He held his hand out to me, and I shook it with a laugh. "Nicely played, Mrs. Kyle." Matt winked at me then clapped Evan's back. Lightly chuckling, the pair strode off after Griffin.
After everyone was gone, Kellan slung his arm around me. "It's adorable that you still try."
I smirked up at him, then glanced down at his jacket. "Griffin did ask a good question. Think they'll let you keep the clothes?"
I let my gaze wander down to his strategically torn jeans. Breath warm in my ear, Kellan muttered, "I don't need to keep them . . . they're just in the way."
I closed my eyes, instantly picturing warm skin, light moans, and soft lips. When I opened them, Kellan was walking away from me, but still watching me. His eyes simmered with heated promise, and when I inhaled, my breath was shaky. God, he was attractive.